Pour Your Heart Out: Make A Wish

I'm linking up at Shell's place today for Pour Your Heart Out; A blog carnival started to encourage us all to let out whatever has been on our minds and in our hearts lately.

The Make A Wish Foundation is an amazing, wonderful organization that allows children with cancer to fulfill a wish they might not otherwise be able to fulfill. They have done everything from building space ships to sending kids to Disney World, you name it they've probably done it. Anyway, they have been gracious enough to grant my sister a wish, which after all she's been through you have to admit she totally deserves it.

Now that she has finished her treatment (!!!!!), it is time for her to cash in her wish. Problem is, she doesn't exactly know what to wish for. (Who can blame her, that is a tough decision!) So one night at dinner last week, we were trying to decide what she should wish for. Concert tickets to some amazing show? Backstage passes to a music festival? Access to Fashion Week in New York? So many amazing choices, so little time to decide. It really is a once in a lifetime kind of thing, to wish for anything you want and to have it happen. It has to be something truly amazing.

Obviously we came up with a lot of great options and ideas for her to consider. However, as I looked at my sister, her favorite hat covering up her bald head, her beautiful face sans eyelashes and eyebrows; all the physical results of what she's been through the last few months, all I could think was I wish that she could wish that the cancer will never come back. That is my wish for her, because like I've said, I can't imagine my life without my sister.

This is new territory we we are entering into. Now that she is done with treatment, we are all obviously thrilled that this stage in our lives is over. But, like the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens. We may be done for now with hospital visits and chemotherapy and blood transfusions, but now we enter the waiting game. We wait. Wait for her to get re-scanned. Wait for the results. Wait to see if the cancer is gone for good. And that is scary. 

Last night, we celebrated. Family and friends gathered and cheered for Anna as she arrived home from her last chemo treatment. It was a beautiful celebration, and definitely a great thing to be celebrating, but we can't help but wonder if it's over. Sure, the last scans were great. No one expected the kind of progress she made. But what will happen when her body is no longer pumped up with all kinds of medicine killing the cancer? What happens now? The truth is, we don't know. So, although we are ready for celebration of no more hospitalization, no more chemo, we wait. We wait to see what happens next. And the possibility of this journey not being over is in the back of our minds, no matter how hard we try not to think about it. Last night, Anna said to me "I don't want everyone to celebrate and jinx it". My heart almost broke because I wish for her that she didn't have to carry that worry around with her. I wish that we could really and truly celebrate without the fear and worry of a relapse.

The story of Ellie Potvin has been weighing heavily on my heart lately, not only because her story is heart breaking, but also because it reminds me of my sister and her story. They have a similar type of cancer; both forms of sarcoma. Both young, both were diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. Ellie beat cancer the first time around. Then, she relapsed and his since passed away. This breaks my heart and terrifies me all at the same time. I do my best not to go over the "what if's" in my head constantly, but it is hard not to. It is nearly impossible when you hear a story like Ellie's not to think of my sister and her own battle with cancer. I know that every story is different. And for every story that does not have a happy ending, there is one that does.

I believe in the power of prayer, and Anna definitely has that working in her favor. So, for now I am just going to continue praying. Continue to celebrate the fact that she is done with treatment. Continue loving my sister like I always have. Continue thanking God for healing her thus far, and trust that he will continue to do so. Continue to ask you all to do the same. To go to her site, 1 Million Prayers, and pledge to pray. I believe in the happy ending for her, I do. But if I had one wish, I would still wish for the cancer to stay away, just to make sure. I wish we had that guarantee.