'Tis the Season to be Jolly...

It’s Christmas time, and as the song goes, it’s the time to be jolly, right? Well needless to say, we haven’t exactly spent the last couple of months at my house being “jolly”, nor has it been easy to jump right into the Christmas spirit. When someone you love is sick, it’s hard sometimes to focus on other things, and it's too easy to focus so much on the fact that it sucks that Anna is sick, so we might forget how much we have to be grateful for.

This Christmas is certainly not a “normal” Christmas. Our Christmas tree is a tiny, fake tree and is pretty much ornament-less. Our house is not decorated for Christmas, like it has been every other year. My sister is certainly not feeling “normal” with her hair falling out and battling nausea off and on. The fact that our family has been in and out of the hospital in the last couple months is certainly not normal. The fact that we didn’t manage to send out Christmas cards to friends in family is certainly not normal. The fact that we never made it to church is not normal. The fact that I am traveling by myself this Christmas to visit family instead of our whole family going is not normal.

However, even though we have these abnormalities this Christmas, there is so much greatness this season. The fact that we have so many people praying for my sister and our family; friends, family and even strangers. The beautiful tree in our front yard, Anna’s “Angel Tree” started by dear friends to surprise Anna when she came home one night, covered in ornaments donated by friends and family to symbolize their prayers. The fact that although the inside of our house may be lacking Christmas decorations, that our house is lit up beautifully on the outside, a wonderful gift of time and effort by the amazing people and family my dad works with. The fact that my sister is home, and feeling mostly good and can celebrate Christmas like normal and not in the hospital. The fact that even though Santa’s elves in our house have been a little busy as of late, Santa still managed to come to our house, and bring great joy to us all. The fact that thanks to a great bloggy friend we are sending happy new year cards, and spreading the knowledge that 2010 is going to be a great year of healing for us. The fact that I am able to go to South Carolina to represent our family and celebrate the season with my grandparents, cousins, Aunts and Uncles. The fact that we are all together, that we have each other. That we experienced the first White Christmas in Dallas in 83 years, which as a great family friend pointed out is the sign of miracles.

I remember reading MckMama’s blog back when her baby son Stellan was so sick, and her post about their families “new normal”.  A lot of that is what we are experiencing now. Although a year ago, this Christmas would not be considered normal, this is our new normal. We are learning to roll with the punches, play the hand we are dealt, make lemonade out of the lemons we’ve been dealt. This is a new, but temporary, normal. This is normal for now, and with God’s help, next year at this time things will be back to the old normal. All the familiar signs of the season will be back, and all the signs of a family struggling through a hard time will just be memories of this year.

Most importantly, we had a wonderful Christmas Eve and a wonderful Christmas, spending quality time just the four of us, enjoying amazing meals, and just enjoying each others company. That is reason enough, in my opinion, to be jolly this Christmas season.

Our house, with our beautiful Christmas lights and snow on the ground! (Sorry for the poor quality, it was taken on my iPhone. Also, this picture doesn't include the beautiful Angel Tree... I was just trying to get the snow on the ground, and this was the part of the house most lit up!)


 Merry Christmas to you all & your families! :)

Under the surface...

Life is a funny thing in a lot of ways. There is always a surface to it, if you ask me. Like a door or something that covers up the realities in life. It's like when you meet a new family and they seem like the perfect, happy family but you don't really know what goes on behind closed doors (Hello, Tiger Woods). We all have our burdens, our crosses to bear, but most of us don't walk around with them tattooed on our forehead or on a t-shirt across our chest.

Coming home this weekend, I experienced some of this. My sister had a great weekend, she was feeling really good, she looked really good and she seemed, well... normal. Normal is a funny word, because what exactly is normal? Just because she still looks the same and acts mostly the same, the truth is she still has cancer. On the surface, she looks like the average sixteen year old, just going on about her daily life. But underneath the surface are the tell-tale signs of someone whose fighting an ugly disease. The scar from her surgery; The port her chemo goes into. And inside, her body is full of stupid cancer cells.

It's hard sometimes to look at her and think how normal she looks. It's almost like a trick. You know like the game you play when you're young "made you look, haha!" You almost let yourself forget because she seems fine, so she must be fine right? If only it were that simple...

This week will be one big wake up call for me as I have yet to witness my sister "looking" sick. She went in yesterday for her second round of treatment, and I'll be there for her this week, which I am glad about, but the side effects might not be pretty. More than likely, she's gonna be feeling crappy and this is the first time I'll have witnessed that. I know it's all just part of the process, but it just makes it all seem more real and a lot less "normal".

Sometimes I think it's better her than me, if anyone, and I mean that in a completely selfish way. I would take it away from her and have it be me in a second, but I don't know if I could do it. She is so strong, stronger than me I think sometimes, and that amazes me. One of my favorite sayings is "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." So far throughout this journey, our strength is definitely being put to the test, but we are ready for the test. We don't have any choice but to be strong, so we are doing our best to be strong. Sometimes, though, it's hard.

Last night, visiting her at the hospital for the first time, was the first time it really started hitting me, she is sick. She has cancer, and it sucks. I guess just being in the hospital seeing her hooked up to those drugs it was kind of a wake up call, like this is real and I'm not gonna wake up and have it be over.

I hate all of this. Just being home not even a week I'm tired of hearing the word cancer. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of not knowing what's going to happen next. I hate that I am already learning my way around the hospital just as well as I know my way around my house. I hate being home & her not being here because she's at the hospital. I hate cancer.

And still, even with all of this, I still look at her and think she seems so normal. If only there was nothing under the surface and everything was back to normal...


*Note- The last 2 days with Anna being in the hospital have been rough, so I'm venting a little. Positive post coming soon! :) *

Optimism and Positivism

Last year as an ice breaker game as new members of our sorority, we played the name game. Basically, you give yourself an adjective that starts with the same letter as your first name and add that to your name. When I chose Positive Patrice as mine, everyone had a good laugh. I didn't understand why that was so funny but everyone who knew me found it to be pretty ironic. Apparently I wasn't as positive as I thought. After that I tried to be more aware of how I was thinking and I made an effort to be more positive.

Looking back on the story it now seems kind of ironic because by everyone laughing at me implying that I'm positive it made me strive to be more positive so that it wouldn't be so funny. In a way, it's a good thing I subconsciously started working on my optimism because now I need my optimism more than ever. With my sister fighting cancer, optimism has never played such a strong role in my life before. But now? I strive everyday to stay positive for her and for me. I make an effort to push any negative thoughts/feelings about this sucky situation out of my head. And this is so important to not just me, but to all of us. Everyone around her has to stay so positive for her.

Through out this whole thing I've been continuously amazed at Anna's strength and her continued positive attitude. There really are few things in life that test your optimism and ability to stay strong and positive as much as cancer. Cancer is is awful. It's ugly. It's stupid. It's all around horrible. But it can be beat and that's what's most important.

So when I heard yesterday she was feeling down, I was concerned. When I texted her to see what's up it turns out a stupid doctor told her she's dieing. That the chemo won't work and even if it does it will most likely come back within 2 years and kill her. This is by far the worst thing you could possibly say to someone who just began a LONG road to fight for their life. She is NOT dieing. There IS hope. There IS a good chance that she'll beat this. And when she's finished kicking cancer's butt, we'll move on to that doctor who so stupidly told her she's dieing. He later clarified that he was just explaining all possible worst-case scenarios, and that they do feel strongly that she can beat this and they are giving her the best treatment in order for her to get better, but what's done is done.

Optimism isn't always easy. It's a struggle all the time to not let the negative thoughts affect you. Sometimes you take blows to your positive attitude and optimism that seem harder to bounce back from. To tell someone they're going to die is hard for them to recover from. Regardless of whether or not it's true, it's not something you take lightly. It is not something you can move on and forget no matter how many times people tell you it's untrue. This breaks my heart that someone said those words to my sister. She is strong. She CAN and WILL fight this, but not if you knock her down before she even gets a chance to get anywhere near the finish line.

As much as I hate this, and hate that she was so upset and distraught over hearing that, I can't say I blame her. I don't blame her at all for being scared, for feeling defeated by having someone tell her she's going to die. Even though he took it back, it was already out there and it already got into her head. And you know what? That is scary. How could I blame her for being scared when I'm scared too? Of course I'm scared, we are all scared. I'm terrified. I will always stay strong for her, and when she needs a pep talk I will always be there. But when I'm laying in bed, alone with my thoughts, optimism sometimes escapes me. I think of life without my sister and I feel sick to my stomach. I feel so incomplete it's inconceivable.

I have faith. I know that she will beat this. I know I won't ever have to know what life is like without my sister, because she will be fine. She'll show that doctor who's boss! She is strong. She can and will do this. We just all have to hang on to our faith, and keep working on that optimism..

 (Face-in-holed by my cousin, picniked by me)
I love you, Anna.... stay strong! We're in this together! <3

Maybe in Distance, but Not at Heart

One of my favorite sayings is "friends forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but not at heart." This is how I'm feeling in regards to my sister this week. I may be miles away, but in my heart I'm with her. It's hard being away right now but I'll be home soon enough, and be able to spend time with her. Even though I'm not there with her, she's always on my mind and in my heart.

I still can't quite wrap my head around this whole thing... the fact that my sister who was perfectly fine 3 weeks ago has cancer. It's unreal. It's like the world got turned upside down pretty much. It is a hard thing to comprehend, for sure. I think that being here at school and going on with my life as it always is is what is making it so hard to comprehend. Sure, hearing the updates from my parents and knowing what's going on makes it feel real, especially now that she's in the hospital, but for me life still feels normal. Sometimes it hits me randomly... when I actually sit down and think about the fact that my sister has cancer, it scares me. I'm scared of what's to come, of what's going to happen to her, of everything. I'm scared of going home for Christmas break and seeing her in the hospital, seeing her looking sick. I want my sister back without the cancer!

People keep asking me how I'm holding up. It's a funny thing to try to answer. I compare it to any other kind of bad news or set backs in life. You have ups and downs. There are days when I feel sad and wish this wasn't happening to her, times I feel scared of the future, times when I feel guilty for living my life like normal, and times when I'm happy, despite the fact that my sister is sick. I am holding up like normal, but with my sister in my thoughts and in my heart.

Yesterday, we got bad news that her cancer has spread to her bone marrow. This means that the fight is going to be tougher and possibly longer. They have ruled it Stage 4 cancer. Stage 4. Those words break my heart and scare me at the same time. I never wanted to have to hear the words stage 4 cancer in reference to my sister, and never thought I would. However, I am so thankful that it is something she can and will fight. I know that one day we will look back on this and think how much it sucked and how glad we are that it's all behind us and that it was totally and completely worth the time, energy and all around suckiness.

Of course we all wish that this wasn't happening, but it is and all we can do is kick cancer's butt!

So until I'm home next weekend, I'm keeping her in my heart because even though we're separated by distance, we're not separated at heart!

Thank you for all the support, thoughts and prayers. It really makes me feel so great when I am reminded of how many people are praying for my sister. All the e-mails, the twitter messages and the messages on her CaringBridge site bring tears to my eyes. It is overwhelming in a good way how much support and love we are getting! Thank you.

Worst Kind of News, pt. 2

When bad things happen, it's hard for me to put into words how I'm feeling. I don't know how to explain it, how to make it make sense. So, I write it down. Somehow I can't verbalize how I'm feeling, but I can write it down just fine.

So, today, not even a week from when this all started, when I received the worst kind of news, my first instinct was to blog about it. To share how I'm feeling. Because I don't really know how to talk to about it, but in writing it all comes together.

Today, my beautiful sister was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma.... bone cancer. That awful word I was so afraid of being used in the same sentence with my sister's name. It's now become a reality, and I hate it. We all hate it.

It's in the early stages, and it hasn't spread, which is great. But it's cancer... and cancer isn't fun. She has a rough road ahead of her, but she's going to be fine which is most important.

I wish that this wasn't happening, that I would wake up and realize this whole thing has just been one really horrible dream. I hate this for her, and for my family. I'd give anything to have it be me and not her. I'd give anything to take this all away and have life go back to normal.

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about the next few days, weeks, and months and what's to come. I can't even imagine how she's feeling; probably the same way, but worse. I'm scared for her. I wish that my life wasn't going on as normal, that I wasn't going back to school in a few days while her life is changing so much. I can't even imagine not being here to support her through what's to come, but at the same time I can't imagine seeing her sick. It scares me me to think of her like that. I don't want my sister to be sick, not this kind of sick.

I keep feeling like she is sick, but with the flu or something. That in a few days this will all blow over and everything will change. And then I remember that that's not the case at all. That things are going to be very different for all of us for the next few months while she's getting better. It sucks. There's no easy way to say it. It sucks that this is happening, and I just want it to be over, for her to be better already, to fast forward through the next few months. 

I know that the important thing is that she will get better. She can fight this. She is so strong both mentally and physically. She'll get through this, and for that I am so grateful.

The support we have gotten has been amazing. Family, firends, and even strangers are praying and thinking of us during this difficult time. I know that there is a reason all of this is happening. This is a blessing in disguise. It's bringing us all closer to God, it's putting everything in perspective for us, and it is bringing us closer together as a family. I wish that it didn't have to happen this way, but it is happening, and I am grateful that some good is coming out of something so horrible.

So tonight, on Thanksgiving Eve (well technically it's Thanksgiving already), I am thankful for the blessings we have received. I'm thankful for having my sister in my life and having such a great family. I'm thankful for the amazing support from all of you blog friends and twitter friends, from our family and friends, and from people we don't even know.

Anna... I'm so glad that you are my sister. We can get through this together! I'm always here for you, and I will be with you every step of the way, fighting with you. I'm so proud of you for the way you're handling all of this. I know it's not easy, but you can and will do it! I love you so much <3

Thank you to everyone for your support and prayers. It really does mean a lot...

A Caring Bridge site has been set up for her, so if you would like to stay updated feel free to keep up there.

Worst Kind of News

I hate blogging under negative circumstances. I would much rather write funny, witty posts, anything but this type of post. But something is weighing on my mind heavily, and I can't not share.

My younger sister has been having hip pain for quite awhile, so they finally went to get it checked out this week. After a few tests and stuff, they found a mass on her hip which they think might be a tumor. They found this out this afternoon, and by tonight my sister was already at the hospital having a biopsy. After the biopsy, the doctors are optimistic... they intitally thought it was a very agressive form of cancer and have since changed their minds, but aren't really sure what it is. It's going to take a few days to know for sure.

I am honestly kind of speechless. My emotions have been all over the place since finding this news out at 3:30 this afternoon. At first, I was in shock, I didn't know what to think, what to do, what to say. The more I thought about the more scared I was and I couldn't get that awful word cancer out of my head. That big, scary, mean, ugly word. My sister is only 16. She shouldn't have to be going through this. I am scared. I am terrified of what's going to happen to her. I don't want to have to think about life without my sister, my other half.

I immediately flash back to all those times we've argued, all those times we said I hate you to each other, even though we both knew we didn't mean it. We're sisters, we fight. That's inevitable, of coruse. But now? Now I wish I could take it all back. I wish that I had kept in touch with her better while being away at school. I wish that I didn't take tomorrow and next year and 20 years from now for granted. I wish I had cherished the time with her more.

Most of all, I wish I was there. The worst part of all of this is hearing her cry on the phone and telling me how she wished I was there, when I knew I couldn't be there. Logically, I know there's not much I could do there. She has a great support system even without me. But I feel awful for being so far away. I wish I could be there to support her, to tell her everything will be ok. And I will be soon enough. I'll be home in less than a week, and be able to tell her all those things. I'll be able to spend time with her, and I'm glad for that. As my dad put it, my job is to focus on school and studies, and their job is to focus on her.

It's hard for me to be here, with my life going on as normal, and have her there, with her life anything but normal. She's in the hospital, and I'm still here, still doing the same things I was yesterday. I feel guilty for laughing, for having fun. My friends invited me to go out with them tonight... I feel guilty if I go out and have fun. Of course she'll always be on my mind, but I just feel guilty that she is the one suffering and I'm not. Everything else just seems so unimportant now. Like all my worries or needs seem so trivial and stupid. 

I really believe that everything will be okay. I know whatever happens, she will make it through. She is stubborn and will fight if she has to. I pray that this is just all a big scare, and that everything will turn out fine. I know in my heart that she'll be okay, that 20 years from now is not something to take for granted because it will happen. It's just the "what if's" that scare as much as I try not to think like that.

Everyone has been so phenomenal, so supportive already. All of her friends and classmates have been adding me on facebook, and offering their thoughts and prayers. One of her classmates is hosting a rosary ceremony at the school tomorrow morning. Everyone is praying, and I can't thank them for that enough. Everyone on Twitter has been amazing, offering their prayers as well. Even people who don't personally know me or my sister are praying for her and for my family. That is amazing. Thank you. If you're curious, I'm updating on Twitter as much as possible, so you can keep up with what's going on there. Also, a CaringBridge page has been started for her, so updates can be seen there as well.

Anna... you're one of the strongest people I know. You'll get through whatever this is, which is hopefully nothing. I know everything will be okay. I'm always here for you and I'm so lucky that you're my sister.

Thank you to everyone for your support and prayers. It really does mean a lot...

The Big 2-0!

Yesterday was a big day for me... 20 years ago yesterday I came into this world!! Yesterday was my 20th birthday! I had a great day with really great friends & was so busy celebrating I didn't get this post up until now! ;)

I can't believe I'm 20... I'm so old! Although 20 sometimes gets overlooked because you're jsut waiting for the next year so you can turn 21, I think 20 is pretty significant! I am no longer a teenager anymore, and I am closer to being a woman.

I was so ready to be 20, I hated being ninteen because of that suffix on the end of the word... teen. You see, once upon a time, that suffix was something I longed for, I couldn't wait for, in fact I had to be a "pre-teen" before my age even had "teen" in it! But by the time I was nineteen I wanted nothing more than to be rid of that "teen" title and be associated with children! I feel like 20 sounds more adult, more grown up, and not child-like!

19 made my blog title, Not a girl not yet a woman, ring even more true than it already did because it was like I was so close to being a woman, but not quite there and I felt like a child every time I said I was 19! Now I'm in a whole new demographic, the 20's!

19 was a good year... a lot happened in a year:

• I had my first big break up 
• I hit a bloggy milestone!
• Learned some very important lessons! 
• Finished my 1st year of college!
• Got an amazing internship with College Lifestyles!
• Said goodbye to my first car. 
• Returned for my second year of college and got to work on my 1st rush!

Overall, I'd say it was a pretty big year. Lots of change, but lots of goodness! I can't wait to see what 20 has to hold!

Last year, for my birthday, I asked to break my comment record, and you guys made it happen! Jen E @ Momma Blogs A Lot even made me my own virtual birthday card! So this year what do I want?! Well, a happy birthday from each one of my followers would be nice! And that would break my record from last year! ;)

No Place Like Home!

First of all I know I haven't posted in forever. This is terrible! I am going to make myself get back to blogging. I just haven't been able to get out of my own head, convincing myself all my posts suck! Anyway, I hate for my first post in over a month to be such a downer, but what better place to vent than my blog!?

When I made the choice to go to school 10 hours away from home, I was okay with it because I knew I made the right decision about where to go to school and I was right. I got lucky and felt really at home here right away, so I rarely get homesick. This felt like my new home. Plus, I'm lucky enough that my family is able to come visit me a lot, so it's not like I never see them. so far this semester, I've seen my mom twice, my sister once and my dad will be here in a couple weeks!

But, sometimes that homesick feeling creeps up on me. This weekend is fall break. Granted, it's not that big of a deal; we get one day off from classes, but since most people are from close by pretty much everyone is going home. And it's times like these, when the sorority house is empty and not many people are around to hang out with, that I wish I could go home for a weekend. It's not that I can't, but I have to plan way ahead to do that; order plane tickets, find a ride, schedule the bus, etc. It's not like I can just hop into the car, and be home in a couple hours. And sometimes, that sucks.

Right now, I'm just feeling a little lonely and would love to curl up on the couch at home and have my mom spoil me, and for some reason that's making me sad. It doesn't help that my plans for this weekend apparently fell through and no one notified me (another story for another time).

It's not the end of the world, clearly, but I miss my house and my family and I am a little jealous of all the people who can hop in their car and drive home for a weekend. I'm lucky that I have a second family here, though, with my sorority sisters, and I know I'll get through the weekend just fine. Every once in awhile I just miss home... like Dorothy said "There's no place like home!"

A Personal Ad

So in case you didn't know I am single, really really single as in the only males I ever talk to are someone elses boyfriend, guys that may or may not be gay, and guys that I could never see as anything more than platonic. So, in light of all this I have decided to take out a personal ad on my blog. I know what you're thinking... lame, and who meets anyone on the internet?! But it's not what you think...

My personal ad I'm taking out here on my blog is NOT for a guy. No it is not for a girl either... well at least not in a romantic way. I am taking out an ad for some single friends. I need other single girls to hang out when everyone else is with their boyfriends. It's pretty annoying when you're just looking for some company and everyone is occupied with boys. What ever happened to quality girl time? What ever happened to "F**k guys, I just wanna dance!" (That's a Dane Cook reference in case you didn't catch it!)

So, I'm seeking a college age, preferably straight just so there's no confusion, female, any size any color whatever. The only qualification is that you are completely single! And you want to hang out... I need some quality girl time. And no, listening to you talk about your boyfriend and how great he is or how great the sex is doesn't count! It would help if we could hang out IRL but, you know, blog friends/ twitter friends are welcome too!

So if you think you fit the description, let me know! You'd think that in a house full of 69 girls I could probably find some single friends, but all my good friends seem to have been taken by the relationship bug and suddenly don't have time for anything else anymore. Which is the reason for this ad! Do you need a personal ad for something, too?! Speak your peace and those of us in need can unite!!

Drawing Blanks

I know it's been like a million years since I posted here. Recruitment was over almost 2 weeks ago (read about it here!), so I can't really use that excuse anymore. I have been trying to post; I have like 5 drafts over the last couple weeks that I start, and then I can't finish. There in lies the problem.

Every time I start to write something lately, I think this sucks. I shouldn't post it. or I sound stupid. Or what if someone IRL reads it who I don't want to read it and it causes drama? I guess I just can't get out of my own head, and it is causing problems!

I remember feeling frustrated like this before, like I want to post but I can't because of problem A B or C. So I did some digging and found this post I wrote a few months ago. It's really great when you can give yourself a pep talk! Like I said in that post, I blog for me and the rest of it like comments & blog friends is an added bonus, but is not the focus. I can't worry so much about the fact that my writing sucks or I sound like an awful person because so what!? If I was writing a diary on paper that no one but me read, I would probably suck at writing sometimes, and I would probably sound selfish or something at times because that's real life! If I'm just writing for me, I wouldn't be constantly self-editing to the point where I don't even want to post anymore!

So if my writing sucks and I sound like an awful person, I'm sorry, but later when I'm looking back on my blog, remembering this time in my life, I want there to be something to read. It's not the same going through your drafts folder and reading half written posts or even full written posts that never got posted or never finished. I guess its true when people say you are your own harshest critic. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself...

So I just needed this little pep talk to remind me that whatever I post has a purpose, it serves as a memory, and that is a good enough reason to post whatever I want! I guess if I'm being true to my word I should post one of those drafts that's already finished or half finished, but I figured I might as well put this in writing first! I'll get back to the other stuff eventually.. or not. We'll see...

Blog Neglect

I feel like I've been seriously neglecting my blog, and I kind of have but not as bad as I thought since my last post was Saturday which feels like an eternity ago, but in reality was only a few days ago!

Anyway, I have a good excuse, really I do. This week is rush at Alpha Chi Omega (my sorority), and we are incredibly busy taking part in that and preparing for it. And I'm exhausted. We all are. But this week is super special because we have to focus on what it is that made us join this chapter, what it is that we love about being here, and there couldn't be a better time for me to focus on all of this. I was feeling homesick before I even left home, and then I got back here and it was like we had never left. I found myself giddy at the littlest things about being back here; the way our sorority house smells (it's a good smell unlike some of the frat houses! haha), the walk to the dining hall chatting with sisters, the fact that anytime I need to talk I have 4o+ girls that are just a walk down the hall or down the stairs who will listen at anytime about anything. This really is my second home, and I couldn't have chosen a better one. Which is why I'm so excited to pass that on to incoming students that will hopefully feel the same way at this time next year.

It's crazy to think it was just a year ago that I was on the other side of all this; visiting the different houses, trying to make the right decision. It was scary and exciting all at the same time! Not to mention that all of this was going on as I was adapting to this brand new place. But, it worked out. It was meant to be. This is where I belong. And that makes all the homesickness fade, makes all of the boring nights of summer completely worth it, makes the long trip to get here completely worth it.

So, I won't be around much (most likely at all) for the next week. If you wanna take a trip down memory lane with me, go back and read about my first day of school last year, which will have been a year ago tomorrow. I can't believe how far I've come... Also, I had some pretty fantastic guest posts written for me this time last year as well, so check those out too!

This picture from Bid Day last year (picniked by one of my sorority sisters) says it all: "Every girl needs at least one friend to come to for support... I'm lucky enough to have 65."

Goodbyes: Not Easier the Second Time

If you would have asked me at the beginning of this summer if I would be sad to leave home and go back to school, I probably would have laughed at you. "Yeah, right," I would have said, "I can't wait to go back." But now that it's actually real... I'm an emotional wreck! Thursday was my last day of work, and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye because I had to rush off to get my hair cut & colored (more on that later, for now see pic here!). So yesterday I went back to see everyone before I left this morning. I've been lucky enough to work at my dad's office the past four summers answering phones & doing other odd jobs. My dad has worked for the company, which was started by his uncle so includes a lot of family members, since I was 1 year old. So a lot of these people I now work with are like my second family; they've watched me grow up. And the others, i've worked with them with several years now, so they've become really good friends! After I left from saying goodbye today, I started tearing up. "What is wrong with me?" I thought. This is not normal! Sure, last year the goodbyes were hard because I didn't know when I would be back, and there was so much unknown. But this year, I have more to look forward to. I'm going back to my sorority sisters & some of my best friends! I shouldn't be sad about that! But I can't seem to shake the feeling of being sad. And it is a familiar feeling; it's the same feeling I had when I was leaving school. So you would think I would be happy to get back there, and it's not that I'm not, but I'm sad, really sad to leave and to say goodbye. And those goodbyes today were only the first; today is another day of more goodbyes. Saying goodbye to my dad and to my sister, and a couple days after that my mom. The other night, in the middle of the night, I started thinking about these goodbyes that were so close & I cried! And those were just the first tears. There were many more to come and still will be I'm sure. It's a weird feeling, this whole leaving thing. As I was packing up my stuff this morning getting ready to go, I felt like I was just going on another trip. That I would be back in a week, or two weeks. But the truth is I don't know when I'll be back maybe in a month maybe in 3, maybe more. And when I think about that truth, the tears come again!

In the end, when I really think about it, I suppose that this is a good thing. Even though the sadness sucks, the fact that I am sad leaving both places means I'm happy both places, and for that I'm so lucky. I'm lucky that I have a great family I don't want to leave. And I'm lucky I have great friends at a great school I also don't want to leave. It's just the goodbyes that kill me... so from now I'll just go with "see you soon," because I know I will. It's not like it's goodbye forever! I just might shed a few tears in between those see you soon's...

My Newfound Career Plan!

Who needs college anyway!? I have my found my new career, starting... immediately! So, sign up now while you can before I get booked! What? You want to know what it is?! Fine I'll tell you! I have decided my new career will be a facebook teacher! You don't know what that is?! Well, it's simple really (well not simple, I mean it's not like anyone could do it. It takes a special kind of person like me!). This summer I have been helping my parents become active facebook users! I know what you're thinking, why would I help my parents get a facebook? Most people don't want their parents on facebook, but luckily I have pretty cool parents & nothing to hide! Plus when I'm at school I want them to stay updated on my life! Anyway, back to the point. Since I have been helping them learn how to use facebook, I have become pretty good at explaining how to do stuff, what everything means, etc. Anyway, yesterday at work my 30-something year old cousin asked me to explain facebook to him, teach him how to use it, that kind of thing... and *bam* my career was born! You see, there's a pretty good market for this kind of thing. Facebook is no longer just for your average college student like myself, it is now for teens, pre-teens & even *gasp* grown ups like my parents! And a lot of these new users need a few little "how-to lessons?," and that's where I come in! I set up a few classes, with step by step how-to's on facebook, with a small charge for each session (my mom has volunteered to manage the financial side of things for my booming business!). And this is just the first step! I can teach you how to blog, how to tweet, whatever you need to know, I'm your girl (for a small fee of course). It's brilliant, right?! And I'll even give you a discount for being my special bloggy friends! :) So, what do you think!? Brilliant, right? I know, I know. You can think me later!

A Bloggy Makeover!

I love a good makeover! Sometimes it just imperative, you know it adds a little pep in your step (I can't believe I just said that! My references are so out of date!), makes you feel a little more confident! Well same goes for blogs! They need & deserve makeovers, too! And mine got one, thanks to Krystyn! I decided it was time for a new look & Krystyn did such a great job with my last blog design, I wouldn't have gone anywhere else! I had no clue what I wanted so I told her just do her thing & I don't think I could be happier! I love it!! So, let me know what you think! And now that my blog is so pretty I'm just gonna be blogging up a storm! And if you're in the market for a new blog design go see Krystyn & she'll take great care of you! Thanks, Krystyn! :)

Trips, hackers, alcohol & some other stuff- Friday Freewrite

I found this awesome new blogger who hosts Friday Freewrites & since I'm out of town this weekend & blogging via iPhone I figured this sounded like the perfect post for me today! So this weekend I'm visiting Rough Creek Lodge in Glenrose, TX for my dads company picnick & in a moment that couldn't be explained as anything other than temporary insanity, I left my laptop at home. So here I sit, blogging via iPhone wishing I had either a)stayed at the lodge (we're staying in the owners house down the road) with my dad & basically every other male member of my family like my uncle & cousins etc & convinced the bar tender to give me some drinks or b) brought my laptop!! Or both. Thank god for iPhones! Speaking of drinks we had a nice family dinner & the waitor asked me if I'd Like a cocktail. Naturally I said yes & ordered my favorite: a margarita! Then the waitor informed me they have a very nice margarita special. It's made with patron & grand marnier. I naturally said "I'll take it!" my review? I've actually had better. It wasn't that fantastic but definitely still good. Anyway remember how much I love trips & how they usually go so well for our family?! Well our road trip out here today was scheduled to take about an hour and a half. Well some geniuses (my dad & grandpa) set the navigation system to take the long way & we ended up taking all the back roads & driving through oak cliff. That was not in the original directions. So our trip ended up taking about 3 hours. Oh well at least we got a nice view of all the back roads! Ha as my dad said "I've always wanted to see what oak cliff looked like!" So apparently the world almost ended yesterday. I mean a hacker tried to take down Twitter facebook & google (& apparently livejournal but who cares about that?! Lol). That couldve been the end to social media as we know it! That would be scary! I may be misinformed (wouldn't be the first time) but I heard it all started with one blogger that the hacker was trying to take out. How much would it suck to be that blogger?! You would need one hell of an apology post, that's for sure! Can you imagine the hate mail you would get?! Like "how dare you cause Twitter to shut down! I had no one tell all the important stuff on my mind to! And as if Twitter wasn't enough you had to try to take down google facebook & livejournal too?! I hope youre happy!" glad I'm not that blogger (really I'm not!"). So this is my last weekend before going back to school. Pretty crazy. After video chatting with a few of my sorority sisters the other night I was a little More excited to go back. Something about seeing their faces again & catching up on stuff made me really ready to get back to staying up late & chatting & laughing. It will be really great to see everyone again. Well I'm about out of things to say for now so until next time, people!

"Are You Excited?"

I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?" This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway. When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she fake orgasms. She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way. This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile & "fake it" so to speak & say "Yes, I'm so excited!" Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy & excited I'm home & I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there. Like I said here and here and probably 10 other times, I am lucky to be at a school where I'm happy. So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile & nod my head & maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!

23 Days: A Year Later

A year ago, I wrote this post entitled 23 days about how close I was to making that final step in the transition from high school to college, and how scary that is. Now, a year later, I am back at that mile stone; the 23 days mark. (actually, a little bit past that, but work with me, people!) The overwhelming feeling, although I have many others too, is I can't believe I'm back here already! I remember writing that post so well. I remember those feelings of being unsure of what the future will hold for me. I remember being scared of those friendships that I had at the time, and what would happen to them? And now, a year later, it feels weird. In my post last year, I mentioned a get-together with students & alumns from Dallas that go to William Woods. Yesterday, I was back there again, only this time I was the one with the answers, with the advice for those new students feeling probably a lot like I did a year ago. That is weird. It definitely went by fast; it feels like yesterday I was writing this post about school ending. I remember that feeling of sadness the whole week before school let out. I remember wondering how I would ever survive the summer without my friends! Those friendships I was once so scared of losing have been lost, but replaced with better ones. I am lucky to be going back to a place I love and to people I love, even though I am leaving behind other people I love as well. Part of me is sad. I have had a great summer & have been blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with my family & strengthen those bonds. I'm going to miss them a lot, but I know I'll see them soon. Part of me is also scared. There is a lot at stake this semester... to be honest my grades weren't great at the end of the year. So non-great in fact, that if they aren't great or at least better this year, I'm basically screwed. Which is scary, of course. I want to believe I can do it, I'm capable of so much more than what I have done so far, but it's hard not to play the "what if" game. What if I can't do it? What if I try, and fail? Also, going back brings out some insecurities. Will they still like me?! Will they think know I got fatter? And, the hardest part for me is the back & forth. I like my comfort zones, & I don't like leaving them! But, I am doing my best not to focus on that, and instead focus on the things I am excited for, the things I have missed. My friends and sorority sisters, of course. Shower parties! Meeting and befriending new people. Partying (not too much of course!), and lots more. I know that it won't take hardly any time at all for me to feel comfortable again, and it will be like we never left! I have said it before, and I'll say it again! I am so lucky to be at a place I love & to have found friends I love. This is the most important thing, because above all else, I love where I go to school & I really love my friends & sorority sisters, so I know going back to school will be great despite all the insecurities & worries & whatever else! I just can't believe it's already been a year!

My Heart is Heavy...

It is hard to put into words the relationships we have with one another as bloggers because it is truly unique. The fact is, most of us don't know each other in person. Most of us have never met. But all of that is irrelevant because day in and day out, we read each others inner thoughts & feelings. We are there for the funny stories & the pictures of kids & families. We connect to each other in a way that is really special. That is why when one of us is hurting, we are all hurting. We feel as though we know these families, as if they are our IRL friends. This is why blogging is so special; we as bloggers can get the word out there that someone is hurting, that someone needs our thoughts, our prayers, and our words. Today, more than ever, this bond we share is needed. There are people out there who need us more than ever. And because we aren't there to hold their hands, give them a shoulder to cry on or just talk, all we can do is send thoughts & prayers, and encourage others to do the same. So today, I am asking you, my bloggy friends who are so special to me, to please keep the following families in your thoughts & prayers today. The first family that needs us today is one many of you are probably familiar with. You may recognize this button:

People all over the world were praying for Stellan, this very sick little boy, before he was even born. He was not supposed to survive the pregnancy; he has a heart defect that causes him to be in SVT, which means his little heart beats way faster than it should, which could lead to heart failure. Today, Stellan is hospitalized & is quickly deteorating. Things are not looking good for him, which is why he needs our thoughts & prayers more than ever. Mckmama, Stellan's mom, is updating via her Twitter page, so check there for updates. The next family is the Riggs family.

This adorable little girl, Abby, has leukemia, so sadly she is used to being hospitalized. This time is different, though. Abby is in the hospital with a serious infection which could lead to serious organ failure or may already have. And finally: Phillip is Amy's son with a brain mass. He's had 19 brain operations, and even more orthopedic operations. He has been suffering through countless seizures and has even had at least one stroke. Currently, his meds to keep his pain under control and to prevent seizures are not helping, and it looks like he is going to need another brain operation. For updates, see his Caring Bridge Site or Amy's blog. I could go on and on about how much these families need, but I know you know. I wish there was something more I could do for them, but instead I am passing this information on to you all, hoping that you will think of them during these difficult times. It's times like these when so many people are hurting and dealing with life or death situations, that all else seems insignificant. I simply could not post about my vacation I'm returning from tonight or the fun times I've been having with these people who are struggling in the back of my mind. So today, I offer my blog post to these people and families with a heavy heart while I continue to hope & pray for better things to come for them.

Oh the Joys of Traveling

Traveling is so fun isn't it!? Don't you just love the stress, the deadlines, the baggage (both figuratively & literally!), etc, etc!? I know I do! Especially the kind of trip I had the other day. Allow me to demonstrate: 

5:00 AM- Wake up. Silently curse the fact that I am awake before the sun! WTF? The last time this happened... try NEVER! I like LOVE my sleep. 5 AM does not work for me. 

5:15- Finally get out of bad, finish packing. Still cursing the fa

ct that the sun is still not up & I am. 

6:00 AM- Leave the house and start the drive to the airport. 

I'm a little less bitter about the sun not being up because I know Starbucks is in the near future. 

6:05 AM- We have to turn around, my mom forgot her phone. 

6:45 AM- We get to the airport. This is where the fun begins! We try to check our bags they want to charge us like $1000 for them, so we decide to only check 5 of our 6 bags. Then, they inform us that oops sorry, it's 2 minutes passed the deadline to check in bags for your flight, so you'll have to put them on the next flight. The next flight is at 1 PM... our flight is at 7:30 AM. Which means we will have to go back to the airport & get our bags before we can drive to the beach house. The ticket desk workers don't listen to our arguing, and put our bags on the next flight. Fantastic. 

7:15 AM- Best part of the day so far. STARBUCKS! It's like Heaven! 

7:30 AM- on the plane. I sit back, relax & enjoy the flight! 

10:00 AM- Plane lands. As we are getting off the plane, we realize that remember that one bag we weren't gonna check? Oh yeah, well it's gone. As in, not with us! No one picked it up and brought it to the plane. The missing bag? MY suitcase. Fantastic. I'm thrilled, really! 

10:10 AM- We sit down in the Charleston airport & try to call the DFW airport. We try to give a description of the bag, but don't know the type of it. My dad tells me to google suitcases with frog logo's (because that's what mine looks like) to find the type of the bag. The guy on the phone looks, doesn't find it. Stress is building by the minute!

10:30 AM- hang up with the airport. My dad tells me there is probably a 3% chance of them finding my bag (he's always the optimist!). I'm thrilled, really. 

10:45 AM- waiting in line for rental car. This takes forever. Seriously, like 30 minutes. 

11:00 AM- We go outside to look at our rental car when my dad decides it is too small to fit all of our crap stuff. So we go back in the rental car place & get a new car... this takes 30 minutes again. 

11:05 AM- I am still bummed about my suitcase. But I get a text which leads to a phone call from one of my sorority sisters who promptly cheered me up! Also, she informed me that North Face now makes hoodies. It is now my mission to obtain one of these. 

11:30 AM- We are finally leaving the airport (for now)! Since we have to stay in Charleston, we decide to get some lunch somewhere & then go shopping for some new clothes for me since my entire wardrobe is lost. 

12:00 PM- We eat lunch at a place called Hymans where apparently every famous person has been! They have plaques on the tables that say like "Raven Simone ate here." (bad example, I know, but that was who sat in my sister's seat)

We get some half-shelled Oysters for appetizers & they were so delicious! Even better, when my parents order wine, the waitress pours me a glass too!! Woo hoo!! 

See!!? YUMM!!! 

12:30 PM- We walk around by the restaurant for a little bit. We go into this one shop that has these cute dresses that could apparently be worn as a dress, skirt, or top. My dad suggests getting one since I have no clothes, & my mom says "No, we'll just get her some clothes at Target or Wal-Mart." Nice, real nice mom! My entire wardrobe is lost & y

ou want to replace it at Target!? Come on. Now is not the time to be cheap! 

While at the store, I found this awesome button: 

Terrible picture I know, but it says "I'm much cooler online". How cool is that!!? I LOVE it! It's so true! I would've bought it except no one would get it except my online friends! 

1:00 PM- We've still got a lot of time to kill since our flight our bags don't come in for another 2 hours, so we go shopping at Target. More stress erupts on the way! We're trying to get directions off my dad's iPhone & read them to him. He makes a couple of wrong turns or something, and starts cussing & freaking out! Um... as if we have anywhere to be anytime soon! We've got nothing but time to kill! 

1:15 PM- We finally make it to Target & work on replacing my wardrobe. Not only does this include clothes, but also bathing suits, underwear, pajamas basically all the necessities in life. At this point, I am tired & I really hate picking out clothes, so my mom & my sister take over & find me some decent outfits. My dad goes off on his own; I guess he didn't want to stand there while I picked out underwear. Who would've thought!? 

2:30- Leave Target. Go across the street to the grocery store so my parents can get wine. My sister & I wait in the car. They take forever. We got bored. So we took pictures of ourselves on our phone! 

3:00 PM- Drive to the airport to get our bags. Praying that somehow my bag turns up with the rest of our bags. Holding on to that 3% chance! 

3:30 PM- Arrive at airport. We got a text that the plane arrived, but clearly they were lying because we had to wait like 30 minutes. Some professional wrestler dudes were there and people kept taking pictures with them. *Yawn* Who cares!? 

4:00 PM- Our bags finally come. My bag is here!!! All is not lost!! Turns out it was our cosmetic bag that we forgot at the airport & it somehow got to the airport anyway! Woo hoo! I'm now working on a plan in my head to convince my parents to let me keep the new clothes. My mom claims she is returning them. Not gonna happen! 

4:30 PM- We finally leave the airport & head to the beach house! It's about an hour & a half drive. I'm just happy we have my clothes! Even though I was excited about getting an all new wardrobe, there were some things in there I wanted back like my AXO t-shirts! 

6:00 PM- Finally, we have arrived at our destination!! After a long day of stress & traveling seeing all my family was a great way to end the day. Not a lot of better things than sitting around talking to family & listening to crazy stories! 

So what did I learn from this? Stay calm at all times. As my ex bf says (in a really funny fake southern accent no less) "Do not panic! Everything will be okay!" When someone who is super optimistic slightly negative tells you there is only a 3% chance of something happening, don't listen! And, as cheesy as it is, at the end of the day family is almost worth it! (Almost!) 

If My Tweets Were News...

So it's no secret that a bunch of celebs are on twitter, right. I mean, come on, everyone whose anyone is on twitter! lol Well, I like to keep up with Entertainment news, you know read a few gossip blogs watch E! News sometimes at night & lately I've been noticing a trend. If you're a celeb, your tweets are like headline news! Which, I mean really, shouldn't be surprising because as a follower of celebrity gossip I am aware that if they cough or sneeze, it's headline news but still. Anyway, it got me thinking what if my tweets were headline news?! I don't know what they would say about me.. my tweets are actually pretty boring, but apparently it doesn't matter if you're interesting or not. Ashlee Simpson (@ashsimpsonwentz) tweeted about mac lip liner she liked & that made news! So what would my headlines be?! My last few tweets are: My sister double pierced only 1 ear... is it me or is that weird!? why not just do both ears? Apparently that's the cool thing these days..? I can't believe Family Guy got Emmy nominations... what?!?! It's not even a real show it's a cartoon! I really, really hate that show! blah! Working on my post about sororities & sorority life, etc. Have questions?! Ask away & I'll answer them in my post! :) So what do you think?! Newsworthy?! Totally, right!? I can see the headlines now: Patrice's latest tweet: (insert random tweet here)... she's so cool & down to earth! Ha she even tweets about her sorority's philanthropy foundation thingy! (I know it's so professional sounding, right?! I'm sure the real thing would be slightly better!) So, what about you? If your tweets were in the headlines what would they say about you?! Don't tweet? Check out my top 5 reasons why you should & your mind will be changed!

We Now Return to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

It's been a really long commercial break around here for, oh, only the last week and a half or something like that! Did you miss me?! Did you know I was gone?! lol I'm sure you totally knew & you totally missed me, don't lie! Anyway, I have a totally legit excuse for not being here, don't worry, I wouldn't just leave you for no reason! I was on vacation for a family reunion with my mom's side in Sun River, OR. It was beautiful! And even though I had internet access and everything, I just didn't have the time to sit down & like, write a whole post! Well maybe that's not true either, but whatever, the point is I'm back now & that's all that matters! So my vacation was pretty fantastic. It was really great to see my family; we only get together every 3 years or so, so it's really great to see everyone when we get together! I have a cousin my same age (only like 3 months apart) so that makes it even more fun since I get to hang out with her! So anyway, we did a lot of fun things! We took a trip up to Crater Lake, it was pretty fantastic. You can read all about that here at my post for College Lifestyles! We went White Water Rafting... that was a blast! Probably my favorite part! We also did some black light mini-golfing, that was pretty cool! All in all, it was a great trip, but I'm glad to be back home and of course, happy to be back with you all, my bloggy friends! I know you were just missing me so much! For pictures of my fabulous trip, check out my facebook! Are we friends? We should be! So, yeah, this post is kind of lame. But I just wanted you to know I'm back in action! More to come soon, don't worry!

Seen & Heard (Mostly Heard) Around Here Lately

So many of you post funny comments from around your household occasionally & while I don't have little kids that say funny (but cute!) things, there have been quite a few funny things said around here at my house that I felt compelled to share... plus I kind of missed doing weekly funny quotes posts, so it's kinda like that!

So the first one comes from my dear old young dad! He called my mom the other day after his golf tournament, and when she asked him how it went, his response was "Have you have ever had a nail driven through your eye?" She, of course, said no & he said "Well, I guess you can't understand how I feel then..." OMG, dramatic much?!?!!

Then, later that day my mom & I decided to facebook stalk my dad (okay we didn't really plan on "stalking him" we just thought it would be funny to see what he does on facebook!) Anyway, some woman who my mom had never heard of wrote on his wall & told him he looks great! lol So later when my dad came home, this conversation went down:

Mom: "Whose Jennifer So & So (I can't remember her last name, that's not the point!)?

Dad: "She was a Tri Delt when we were in college... she was a party girl."

Mom: "Oh. I've never heard of her. And she wrote on your facebook wall saying you look good! Are you gonna go have an affair with her!?!" (She was kidding, she has no reason to feel threatened!)

Dad: "No... Lot's of girls talk to me on facebook, it's no big deal."

My dad, the player, y'all! Watch out, he's apparently a big stud that gets all the ladies! I should be so lucky to have such a cool dad...!

My 16 year old sister had a bunch of friends over, and I kept seeing flashes coming from the other room they were in. I started listening to what they were saying, and every time they would take a picture they would say "Be... The Hills!" *flash* "Be... Heidi!" *flash* "Be... a cat!" *flash* They seriously did this for probably at least 5 minutes, who knows how many pictures of themselves they took! lol Don't you miss being 16!? ;)

The other night at dinner, my dad & I had this conversation: Dad: "So my friend, you know Mr. H is working on his website for his company.. blah blah blah... (he talks a lot ok!?) & he was looking at some blogs so I told him you were into all that & I sent him the link to your page..." Me: (Now listening way more closely) "Oh..." Really thinking: You did what!!? How did you get that address?! (Ok, I guess it's not that hard... I mean my blog isn't exactly a secret, I was just taken back that my dad reads my blog or at least knows the link!) Conversation between my parents: Mom: "So our anniversary is coming up, we need to decide if we are going to go out for it." Dad: "Oh yeah..." Mom: "Did you already make reservations somewhere special?!" Dad: "Yeah, of course." (after awhile)... "So what day of the week is that on?" Mom: "Well I guess you didn't make reservations!" Conversation between my Dad & I: Me: "I don't think you like kids very much... I'm surprised you had any!" Dad: "What!? I love kids! What are you talking about!?" Me: "Well, you get mad every time they are screaming in church or something..." Dad: "Yeah, well they are better seen not heard!" My sister & her friends, hanging out in the kitchen... my sister's phone goes off: Sister: "Did I get a text!!?" Friend: "No..." Sister: "Yes I did! Let me see!" Friend: "It's just one of those stupid FWD messages..." Sister: (reading) "You will be kissed on the 4th of July by a person who thinks your perfect & tomorrow will be your best day if you forward this to ten friends including me!" "OMG I'm so forwarding that!!!" (My sister's friend) Friend: "So I have 3 boyfriends now!" Me: "Really?! Wow..." Friend: "Yeah, except none of them actually know we're dating, but they'll figure it out!"

R.I.P.

With so many celebrity deaths lately, death has kind of been on everyone's mind. But while the world was mourning Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson & Billy Mays, I was mourning my own personal loss... my first car!! Yes, that's right, my poor car is no longer with us. I mentioned my accident here, and it turns out the damage was just too much to repair, so it is no longer my car. At first I wasn't sentimental about this, I mean it's just a car, and I'll get a new one eventually. But then, I realized this was my first car, and the only car I have ever owned! We've been through a lot together, both good and bad. There were accidents (yes, plural. It took me awhile to get the hang of the whole driving thing), speeding tickets (Blah!), and lots of memories! This is my first picture with my car:The story behind how I got my car is pretty special. My 17th birthday (my parents made me wait a year to get my license... lame!), my parents surprised me by parking the car on the driveway & then coming up with some lame excuse to get us to go outside! I was super surprised & super excited! As you can see, it came with a bow on it & everything! So, while it is sad to say goodbye, I will always remember my 1st car! And I am looking forward to getting a new car to make new memories in! I'm thinking about this for my next car, what do you think!? I think it has just the right amount of "bling bling", don't you!? ;)

Help Me Help You!

Or something like that lol really I just need your help, but I'll help you if you need my help for some reason! haha I'm gonna make this short and sweet so we can get right to the point! So, my friend Alyssa requested that I wrote a post about sorority life, what it's like and if it's really like Legally Blonde! Well, this got me thinking... 1st of all I was excited to share my sorority knowledge, and 2nd of all I wondered if there were any others of you out there who might have questions about something?! So, hypothetically, would anyone have questions that they would want answered here on my blog? Or would you rather me just post about sorority life and move on!? Let me know! :)

Happy Blogviersary to Me!!!

It's my Blogiversary! My 1st ever blogiversary!! It is official... as of today, I have been blogging for exactly one year! I thought long and hard about how to celebrate this event. I know some people do giveaways for their blogiversary, or re-cap your favorite posts from the year. However, when I think about when and why I started blogging, and the fact that it's been a whole year, there are a lot of things to reflect on! I have definitely come a long way from my first post! In some ways, everything has changed, but in some ways nothing has changed at all. It really has been one of the most life changing years so far, I think, which is why it was the perfect time to start my blog a year ago! I started this blog in hopes of journaling the transition from high school to college, and all the changes that come with that. While I have been able to do that, it quickly became so much more than that. This is not only my journal, but my creative outlet, a place to just be completely honest, a place where I'm funny (well, at least I am sometimes & I have said it before, but I really don't think I'm funny IRL), and best of all, this is a community of friends! A year ago today, did I ever think I would utter the words "my blog friends" or "my twitter friends" (which in some cases are the same people, but you get the point!)? Never! But I have, and I do! I find myself thinking about all of you, my blog friends, all the time & wondering how you're doing & looking forward to reading what you're up to! So, thank you, thank you, thank you, to those of you that come here & read my ramblings & leave comments & support me! It has been a crazy year... a year ago today, I had no idea what the future held for me, and a year later, while a lot of what was unknown then is known now, there is still so much unknown! But no matter what happens, I will be here, chronicling it! Just for fun... here are some random facts about my blog over the past year: (Via Google Analytics)

• I have posted 149 posts (not including this one) with a total of 1,249 comments and 13,409 visits.
• My first post was (obviously) a year ago today, and Jen E was my very 1st commenter!
• My biggest traffic day was November 25 (which I find very odd because why were people reading my blog on Thanksgiving and not with their families? I didn't even post that day!)
• My "most viewed" post is this Top 5 Tuesday post (again, weird, but ok!)
• 76% of my traffic comes from referring sites, so thank you to my blog friends who link up to me! :)
• The number one keyword people google and get to my blog? Beer pong dangers! One of my favorite posts!
• The majority of people that come to my blog are from the U.S., the second most people are from Canada!

So, for my blogiversary present (What?! I can't get presents for my blogiversary!? Well, let's pretend!), all I ask is this if you read my blog... I want to know why, and I know there are some of you out there that I don't know... I try to keep up with my "followers" but I haven't been doing a great job lately, so if you follow me or are just a lurker & haven't said hello, for my blogiversary will you say hi!? I want to be friends! :) So here's to a year of big changes, most of which are chronicled here, and to at least another year of friend making, blogging & more changes!

PSF: Best Weekend of the Summer So Far!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

This post is long overdue, but as soon as I got back from my trip I started summer school & ever since then have barely had time to breathe (well, ok I've been breathing, but not much else! ;) ). Anyway, I finally now present you with pictures from my fabulous trip to Kansas City to stay with my bff Lisa! The weekend was great from the time I got there until I left! I got in Thursday night, and we took a tour of the city & of her college she went to before we went to school together! It was a really cool city, and it was really fun to see where she went to school before! This is the downtown Kansas City skyline! We went downtown Friday night to something called First Friday's where they feature lots of art galleries and people come and sell their stuff or shop for art or homemade jewelry. It was pretty cool, and it was awesome to see downtown! This is the night time city skyline... pretty isn't it!? After First Friday's, we went to a party at one of her friends' house. This was the 1st time I had done any kind of partying since I left school, so I was excited to get out & party it up! haha It was great meeting all of Lisa's friends; everyone was so nice, and the party was a blast! Saturday, we went shopping! There were so many awesome places to shop, so we did a whole lot of that! Then Saturday night, we went out to dinner with a few of her friends at a place called Cheeseburger in Paradise! Yes, like the Jimmy Buffett song! The chain was actually started by Jimmy Buffett himself! It was a really cool place, and my cheeseburger was delicious!! The inside of the restaurant was decorated all cool, and there was a live band playing, so it was a great environment as well! This is the bar area inside the restaurant. I can't take credit for this picture, however, because I forgot my camera that night! I got this off google, but it is exactly what it looks like! Anyway, after dinner we went to see a comedy show! It was so much fun, the guys that performed were hysterical! You have to check out Dan Levy & Adam Ray! They were both hysterical! Seriously, click on that link to Dan Levy's site & watch the video on the front page! I can't even tell you how funny he is! Sunday we took it easy for awhile, then went swimming at the neighborhood pool with her adorable three year old niece, her sister, brother-in-law & a couple of her friends! It was really fun and a great way to spend the day! Then that night was the fun part! We decided to make it a pizza & margarita night! Seriously... is there anything better?! The funny thing is we decided to make it an adventure... we were about 10-15 minutes from the state line, where you cross from Kansas into Missouri, and because we thought that the liquor stores were closed on Sunday's in KS, we went into Missouri & went searching for a liquor store! Eventually we found one, and we got all the necessary ingredients to make the fantastic results! As it turns out, though, there was a liquor store in Kansas open... right next to where we got our pizza! But we had so much fun on our mini-road trip we didn't mind at all! Yummm!!! We made them with the best recipe ever & because I'm so nice (& most likely not the only one who knows this, but I can pretend!), I'll share! We used Frozen Limeade, Triple Sec, Tequila (obviously!) & beer! Seriously, it does not get any better than this!! This is me, obviously enthused with my delicious drink! The rest of the night, we just enjoyed our drinks and played some cards, like Uno! It was a great time! The trip was definitely the best weekend of the summer for me so far, and it couldn't have come at a better time since I started summer school, it was like my last hoorah for awhile! I really wouldn't have come back if it weren't for school & I would go back in a heart beat! I might take another trip there before the end of the summer or Lisa might come here, or both! We'll see what happens, but it was fantastic & I'm so thankful Lisa put up with me for a weekend! haha **Note- I am extremely tired. It's late & it's been a long week of non stop school stuff, so please forgive my poorly written post! Also, some people are weird about having their picture online (even though I argue if you put your pictures on facebook, why not a blog, but that is why I don't have pictures on here including Lisa because I did not receive permission & I didn't want to do it without asking... just in case you were wondering!**

RTT: Apparently the Only Post I'm Capable Of!

I sure am glad that Keely at the UnMom hosts Random Tuesday Thoughts every week, because apparently it's the only post I'm capable of writing! In case you haven't noticed, the last time I posted was a week ago... my random tuesday thoughts, what else!? Now we are a week later with more random thoughts and no other random coherent posts! I do have a valid excuse for not blogging, though, so don't be too hard on me! I'm not being a slacker (well maybe a tiny bit of a slacker). Remember how I mentioned I started summer school? Yeah well that's pretty much my life these days. Except Saturday's. Saturday's I get to pretend I can have a normal, relaxing summer. Oh well, hopefully it will all be worth it in the end, but that's why I haven't been blogging because I'm doing homework 24/7 (well close to that, if I'm not doing homework I'm in class or sleeping pretty much)! So that's where I've been. I do have a lot of posts that I want to write & I am going to make myself make time for blogging! (Yes, I know, school comes first! But I can take a break every once in awhile...) Plus, my blogiversary is coming up!!! It's a week from tomorrow! I can't believe it!!! I'm so excited that I've made it a whole year, and so much has changed in one year! I'm not sure how I'm going to celebrate, I was thinking of doing a Q & A post, because my friend Alyssa asked me a question about sorority life & was hoping I'd do a post on it & it got me thinking maybe some other's of you have random questions! But I'll probably just do that another time & not for my blogiversary. How did you celebrate your blogiversary?! Speaking of summer school I found a perk! I know, I was shocked too! So last week was insanely stressful & I was not feeling upbeat about life by the end of it (the week, not life)! So, my mom picked up on this, and in an attempt to make me feel better, she announced that she plans to spoil me while I'm in school! Um, okay! I'm not complaining! So this started with her calling me from the grocery store & asking if I drink Bud Light Lime. At 1st I was like umm... I'm not sure how to respond to that, is this a trick question?! Anyway, I said yeah (not only do I drink it I LOVE it!), and she said well, I bought you some!!! Then, the next day, she took me to get a mani/pedi! Then, this morning she brought me Starbucks & Chick-fil-A for breakfast! I am starting to like this whole school thing a little better... (well not really but I definitely don't mind the spoiling!) So my car is getting fixed! woo hoo! The insurance is covering almost all of it, so that's good news! And I'm driving my sisters car in the mean time, which I don't mind at all! To be honest, I really don't miss my car because I like driving hers so much! lol Why is everything good on TV all on Monday nights? Why can't they spread it out a little? Seriously I have so much to watch on Monday's! Greek, Jon & Kate Plus 8 (don't even get me started on that show... we have a love/hate relationship!), The Bachelorette & probably even more that I'm missing! Ugh! Thank goodness for TiVo! :) Anyway, I was up way too late watching TV last night because everything was on! geez! I have a lot of posts coming up over at College Lifestyles (my summer internship site!), so definitely check for those later in the week. In the mean time, you should just head over there anyway & read what everyone else is posting! My intern buddies are fabulous (& a little intimidating, they're so fabulous!), so there will be definitely be a lot of good stuff to read! I did the unthinkable in bookworld or whatever... I skipped ahead to the end! I know, I know!! I've never done that before, I sware! Especially with my Jodi Picoult books (I'm reading Picture Perfect by her) because of all her books I've read (& loved every single one!), the ending has always been the best part! But this time I couldn't take it anymore! I wanted to know what happens! I only read the last paragraph or so, but now that I know what happens, I'm not sure I wanna finish it! Not because I already know what happens, but because I don't think I like the ending! I would be more specific, but I don't wanna ruin for anyone! Anyway, that's probably enough rambling for one day... I have some homework to do now, story of my life! For more randomness, go see Keely at the Unmom, or even put together your own randomness in a post & go link up with her!

RTT: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Welcome to Random Tuesday Thoughts hosted by the UnMom. This week's edition of RTT (Random Tuesday Thoughts!) is themed the good, the bad and the ugly! Exciting, right!? I do love a good theme! 

So in order to keep things happy & cheery we'll start with the good! In case you didn't get the memo, I spent this weekend in Kansas City with my bff & sorority sister Lisa. (who has a blog, but has also blogged once lol. However, she has big plans to turn her blog into a Nanny Diaries theme, so check back soon or go encourage her to get on with it! haha). Anyway, it was a fantastic weekend! As promised, I will do a post about it! For now, the pictures are up on facebook! :) 

Also one of my friends (another sorority sister!) is in town from Houston for the summer & she & I & another 1 of our sorority sisters are having dinner tomorrow night! It will be the first time I've seen either of them since school ended & I'm super excited!!! 

Moving on to the not-so-good I started summer school today... college algebra. blah!!!!! ugh I hate school & I especially hate math!! It was not fun at all. I'm also taking a history summer school class online. Needless to say for the month of June I'm going to be super busy & I'm not looking forward to it at all! I know 1 month is better than a whole semester, but I really hate math & it's going to be really hard to push through...

And now for the ugly (also bad but whatever). I rear-end

ed someone today. It all happened super fast. Luckily I was fine & so was the other person. The 

other persons car wasn't even damaged, but mine was a total wreck! Check it out... 

It's pretty banged up, huh? Bummer :( Oh well, it could be worse & I'm thankful that everyone was okay & it wasn't more serious. 

And because this is still Random Tuesday Thoughts even if I did have a theme, you know I have to keep talking! 

1st of all I was just watching Paris Hilton's My BFF & this girl just totally dissed sorority girls!! She was all "Sorority girls are bitchy & cliquey & they pay for friendship!" Oh no she didn't! 

Speaking of my trip to Kansas (well I wasn't but do I have to point out again this is supposed to be random!!), the funniest but kinda creepy thing happened to me! I'm totally blogging about it & it's going to be awesome, so be prepared!! haha 

I've been reading Jodi Picoult's book Picture Perfect. It's so fantastic! I seriously can not put it down! I highly recommend it! On that note, my bff & I watched the movie New In Town this weekend & it was so fantastic! Definitely go watch it if you haven't seen it yet! 

Well I totally forgot what else I was gonna say... it's been a long, tiring day. So that's it for now! If you have random thoughts you would like to share, just write your own post & link up with The UnMom!