PYHO: Seasonal Depression

The time has come. I was doubtful it would ever arrive after months and months of snow and bitterly cold temperatures, but spring seems to be officially here. I realize that for most people this is a great thing, a happy thing. But for me? It causes what I have self diagnosed as seasonal depression.

I know it seems crazy. Beautiful weather, beautiful plants, the ability to actually be outdoors and not freeze.. how does that cause depression?! Let me try to explain...

I have never been a skinny person; it's just not how I'm built. But lately I have gained a lot of weight. I have let myself get so far out of control I don't know how to get back. And most of all, I have been in denial. Winter was easy. Throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt and you don't really have to face what your body looks like under all those layers, so you can tell yourself that you look great. That you haven't gained that much weight. That no one can tell how fat you are.

And then comes Spring... which means short shorts, tank tops, mini skirts and teeny tiny dresses. This brings out all my insecurities and multiplies them by like 1000. Eventually, it is so hot outside that you really can't wear jeans anymore and be fine. Which means it is time for the inevitable but awful; it is time to bust out the shorts. Just the word makes me cringe; I have a hate/hate relationship with shorts. First of all, why do they have to be so short? I don't want shorts that barely pass my crotch because underneath that are my thunder thighs that I am not trying to show off to the world. Second, why is there nothing between the really short shorts and the bermuda shorts? And finally, why is it so hard to find shorts past size 8? Because fat people shouldn't wear shorts? Well then what do you suggest we wear during the spring/summer?!!

And that's just the shorts. Last weekend, when it was 90 outside and there was a frat party that night, I was faced with a whole new dilemma. What on earth do I wear to some random frat party when A) it's 90 outside even at night and B) this means all the other girls are wearing something itty bitty which is what girls are expected to wear in this weather? This seriously caused me so much stress I considered multiple times not going and I may have shed a tear or two. (Not the first time this has happened.) This requires not only digging out my warm weather clothes that are safely tucked away, but also trying things on and facing the sad reality that half of it doesn't fit anymore.

Also, warm weather clothes are not exactly forgiving like winter clothes. They don't cover up the tummy that has expanded to the point that I look 8 months pregnant. They don't hide the FUPA. They don't hide my thunder thighs that rub together when I wear a dress or a skirt. (Side note, yes, putting deodorant there helps. But do you know how self defeating it feels to rub deodorant on your thighs? It's not exactly a confidence booster.) They don't hide my flabby arms that have taken a life of their own to the point where I can't wear sleeveless tops without being so insecure I can't think about anything else except how big my arms must look. They are forcing to me to face all my imperfections and I can't handle.

So, while some people want to stay inside and never leave the house during winter, I prefer to stay inside when it's warm. I don't want to have put on that sleveless top that shows my enormous arms. I don't want to have to rub deodorant on my thighs before leaving the house. Most of all, I don't want to face my body. I want to put on my sweatpants and big sweatshirt and get under the covers and hide. Hide from myself and hide from reality. So, you enjoy your warm weather. I'll be here. Counting the days until it is winter again...

I am linking up at Things I Can't Say today for Pour Your Heart Out.

Make A Wish Monday: 4th Edition!

I haven't gotten a lot of feedback on this new addition to my blog, so I was hoping you all could answer my poll for me on my facebook page about "Make A Wish Monday". Comments are almost non-existent on these posts so I'm wondering if you're bored, or just don't know what to say. Please let me know (or just leave a comment here if you're not on facebook)

This weeks Make A Wish Story is all about the first ever wish! Last week, I told you about Christopher, who inspired the Make-A-Wish Foundation with his wish to become a police officer. Today, we learn about Frank "Bopsy" who was the very first wish kid! Bopsy was a 7 year old boy with leukemia and his dream was to be a firefighter.

The wish granting team got together with the Phoneix Fire Department to help Bopsy fufill this wish. The fire department made him his very own uniform, complete with a helmet and everything. They also brought him out to the fire station so he could join their ladder engine. The crew let him honk the horn and even use the 75 pound hose to soak some cars. At the end of the day, the firefighters pinned his official fire fighter's badge on his uniform, making Bopsy the city's first honorary firefighter.



Bopsy putting his new firefighting skills to work! (The website had small, hard to see pictures. Sorry for the bad quality)

Bopsy's wish journey was for from over, however. The media picked up Bopsy's story, and suddenly there was on out pour of people who wanted to help lift this little boys spirits. A generous couple, Bob and Chris Pearce, owned and piloted hot air balloons so they took Bopsy on a hot air balloon ride to see Phoenix from the sky!

Then, it got even better! Disneyland created a special day just for Bopsy complete with private tours, meals, gifts and more. This began the relationship with Disney and the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Today, Disney is still one Make-A-Wish's biggest supporters.



Bopsy  and Goofy

 Bopsy had to go back to the hospital after his trip to Disney, but there was one last surprise for him. Five of his fellow firefighters had climbed up to his 3rd floor window using their truck ladder to come spend time with Bopsy. He shared laughs and fun with them before they left and he went back to sleep. That night, Bopsy passed away, but thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, he died happier than ever.

Don't forget that World Wish Day is April 29. This would be a great day to support the Make-A-Wish Foundation with a donation or by spreading the word about their work.

*All images and content came from the Make-A-Wish Foundation website.*

I don't know if I even need to say this, but I volunteered to write about the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I am in no way being compensated or getting special recognition for this. I just fully support their mission and am doing my part by spreading the word.

Make A Wish Monday (on Tuesday): 3rd Edition!

[Before I start, I just really want to say thank you for all your heartfelt comments on my pour your heart out post last week. I will update tomorrow, but everything ended up working out.]

So, Make A Wish Monday is coming a little late this week. It's been a busy week, but I have a really cool story to share this week and lots of new info about the Make-A-Wish Foundation so I didn't want to skip it this week! So without further ado... Meet Christopher!

If you can't tell from his picture, Christopher's wish was to be a police officer. Christopher's story is so cool because he inspired what we all know today as the Make-A-Wish Foundation!

In 1980, Christopher was 7 years old and was being treated for Leukemia. Tommy Austin was a family friend, and also an officer for US Customs. He knew of Christopher's dream of becoming of a police officer, and when his health got worse Tommy planned a day for Christopher to lift his spirits with the help of his friend Ron Cox, an Arizona Department of Public Safety Officer.

On April 29, 1980 Ron Cox and some of the other officers brought Christopher to them, gave him a tour of the city in a helicopter, flew him to headquarters where three police cruisers and motorcycle officer greeted him. He then had a meeting with the DPS staff, where he was sworn in as the first honorary DPS patrolman in state history. They even presented him with his own uniform, and gave him the motorcycle proficiency test (on a battery operated motorcycle) so he could earn wings to put on his uniform.

When he went back into the hospital May 2, he requested his room be arranged so he could always see his uniform, his motorcycle helmet and his hat. A DPS officer came to the hospital to present Christopher with his motorcycle and his smile "lit up the room".

Christopher passed away the next day, but not before his dreams were made a reality. After seeing the joy fufilling Christopher's with created, his mom and two of the DPS officers who met Chris were inspired to create an organization that brought that joy to other children. Thus, the Chris Greicius Make-A-Wish Memorial (now known as the Make-A-Wish Foundation) was born!

Next week, read about the very first "official" Make-A-Wish Kid! His story is really awesome, just like Christopher's!

I also wanted to share that the Make-A-Wish Foundation's World Wish Day is at the end of this month, April 29! For more info, make sure you check out their website.

In Need of a New Identity

I started blogging, tweeting, all of that along time ago. Well, three years ago almost but a lot has changed over the years. Mainly, I have grown up. I am starting to feel like my online persona is not reflecting this change.

Due to my lack of creativity and I guess because I was young, when I signed up for twitter I named myself "patrice0x0x". Today, I cringe when someone tweets me at that name because it makes me sound 13.

Once again, thanks to lack of creativity my blog URL was also patrice0x0x and my e-mail.
Pretty soon (in like a year), I will be entering the professional world. I am seeking a job in social media marketing. If a potential employer asks for my twitter name and blog URL, "patrice0x0x" does not exactly give off a professional vibe.

So, I need your help. I need a new identity. For everything. On Twitter. On this blog (I'm thinking I still like the name of my blog just thinking I should just change the URL). I'll create a new e-mail account just for this blog. It's time, my friends. Time to grow up online.

For the person that comes up with my new identity, I may have a little something for you. Like a prize. We'll see.

Thank you in advance!

Back to Normal

Pour your heart out could not fall on a better day this week. I really need to pour my heart out.

This has been a week. One of those weeks that feels like it should be over by now because I'm over it. Where do I even start?

My sister went into the hospital over the weekend because she was in so much pain she could barely walk. So they needed to give her pain meds through an IV, and figure out a new pain management plan and a new chemo plan and all that. So basically they've been in the hospital all week (which I realize is not that long since it's only Wednesday but like I said, feels like forever ago because this has been a long week) meeting with doctors and stuff.

This weekend is Mom's weekend at my sorority. It is a super fun weekend where everyone's moms come up, we do a brunch and an auction and just get to spend quality time with our moms. Last year, my mom couldn't come because Anna was in the middle of chemo and everything and the timing just wasn't right. I missed her a lot, but a super sweet mom of a friend "adopted" me for the weekend so I wouldn't be alone. Which was great, but not like having my mom here.

This year, Anna was supposed to off chemo this week and the timing was perfect for my mom to come for the weekend. I've been looking forward to this forever. I know I just saw her a couple weeks ago for Spring Break and I went home a few weeks before that, so it's not like it's been forever since I've seen her but this weekend is special, and no matter how many times I go home it's not the same as having my mom here. Here to see all my friends. To meet the ones she hasn't yet (like my little sis) and to spend alone time with just me. When I'm home, usually there's a lot going on like Anna's not feeling well or something and we just don't get to spend much time just the two of us. That's what I was looking forward to the most this weekend.

Turns out, it's not happening. Again. On Monday, when my mom said they would be in the hospital a few more days my heart dropped because I just knew this would happen. On the weekend that belonged to me. It was my turn to spend quality time with my mom. "You're still gonna come, right?" I asked her Monday even though I had a feeling it was wishful thinking. All week, I battled this sadness that was overcoming me and tried to stay positive. "It might still work out," I told myself. "I know she's gonna try her hardest to come." "It's just a day to day thing, we don't know what's going to happen."

Today, I couldn't do it anymore. I tried calling her all day and when I got a text saying they were moving rooms at the hospital, I knew they weren't leaving the hospital anytime soon. I knew my plans for the weekend were ruined. I couldn't help it; I lost it. And once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I was (and am) upset. Upset that my mom wasn't coming. Upset that my sister was in the hospital. Upset that I couldn't get a hold of my mom when I wanted. Upset that nothing was the way it should be. This isn't how life is supposed to be. There's not supposed to be hospital stays and unknowns and dammit, if my mom wants to come up for a weekend she should be able to.

I just want things to go back to normal. I want to live a normal life where we never see my sister because she's 17 and is always with her friends. (I don't mean the never see her part offensively but 17 year olds typically aren't home much) A normal life that doesn't involve hospitals. A normal life that doesn't involve cancer. And I know I'm not alone in wishing this, I'm just throwing myself a pity party because I was so excited to spend time with my mom, and I'm tired of being disappointed.

Maybe I'm being selfish by being upset. Because I'm not the one in the hospital and I'm not the one with cancer. My life is really not that bad compared to fighting cancer. I realize that. But it sucks when you're looking forward to something so much and then it doesn't happen. I don't blame my sister for being sick or taking attention away from me. I don't blame my mom for staying with her. I'm just upset at the situation, and every time someone says "I can't wait to see my mom this weekend," I want to burst into tears right then and there.

I also feel bad being upset because I don't want to make my mom upset. She has enough to deal with and I don't want her to worry about me too. I wouldn't even tell her why I was upset when she called today because I don't want to be a burden. But I am sad. Because there is nothing that can replace spending a weekend just the two of us...

On the bright side (I feel like I need to put a positive spin on this so it doesn't sound like poor, poor me. I have such a hard life), I get to go home for Easter, which will be nice. And there is a chance my godmother will be here to take my mom's place which would make me so happy. So it's not all bad, but no matter what I will miss my mom a lot this weekend.

So, for now, I am sulking. And self medicating with chocolate. And pouring my heart out. For now.

 I am linking up at Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

Make A Wish Monday: 2nd Edition!

I am so glad I got a lot of positive feedback about Make A Wish Monday. Like I said, I just have the up-most respect for the Make-A-Wish Foundation and I am so honored to have the chance to help spread the word about some of the wishes they have granted. Of course they have granted millions of wishes, so I'm only telling a small portion of their wishes through Make A Wish Mondays! Make sure you check out their website to read even more of their wishes!

One of the things I loved about the website when I was perusing for this weeks wish story was their "Where Are They Now" section. It's one thing to read about this really awesome wish that someone was granted, but it's even better to hear that they are healthy today! As I mentioned before, this is my biggest wish for my sister so it's encouraging to hear that! That's why this week I chose to feature one of the "Where Are They Now" stories.

Meet Jonathon. His wish granted way back in the day in 1993! (Fun fact in 1993, I was 3, and my sister was born in 1993!) His wish was to play golf with Chi Chi Rodriguez, and the Make-A-Wish Foundation made it happen! When asked why he chose this wish Jonathon said " I loved watching Chi Chi Rodriguez play golf. He was always so carefree and happy. He seemed like he thoroughly enjoyed life. Every time he played in a tournament, he would grab two kids from the crowd as he walked down the eighteenth fairway, one under each arm, and talk to them like they were the last two people on earth. I always thought how lucky those kids were to spend a couple minutes with Chi Chi. I couldn’t think of anything better than spending a few hours playing golf with such a fantastic person." Here he is with Chi Chi.

Jonathon had just finished his last round of chemo when he went to play golf with Chi Chi, and he vividly remembers Chi Chi looking him in the eye and telling him he could be whatever he wanted to be. "Hearing that from someone I admired so deeply really hit home," Jonathon told Make-A-Wish,  "I knew he was right and from that moment since I’ve always pursued my dreams as if they would one day be a reality."

 

Today, Jonathon had been in remission for 15 years and has no major long term side effects from the chemo. The doctors told him he would never be able to have kids because of the side effects, but he and his wife have 2 kids! Even better, today Jonathon works for the Make-A-Wish Foundation as the advancement and outreach director for the Make-A-Wish chapter in San Antonio! Jonathon speaks so highly of the Make-A-Wish Foundation explaining "Make-A-Wish is my life! It is a passion that is near and dear to my heart. In 1993 someone adopted my wish and made one heartfelt wish come true. Now, it is my job to return the favor to each and every child in San Antonio battling a life threatening medical condition. Someone did it for me, and it changed my life forever." 

I love Jonathon's story. It is truly such an inspiration to everyone fighting a life threatening disease. I would have loved to include every part of Jonathon's Q&A with Make-A-Wish, but it was long so make sure you go check it out for your self! 

Make A Wish Monday: 1st Edition!!

I am so excited to announce the newest addition to this blog: Make A Wish Mondays! A while back, the Make A Wish Foundation tweeted they were looking for bloggers who were interested in posting stories and content about what they've been doing. I love what Make A Wish does and so I jumped at the chance to help them spread the word about their organization. So, I developed Make A Wish Mondays! For the most part, I am just getting stories off their website that I like and sharing them here. Periodically, though, the Make A Wish crew will send me special content to share with you all!

So, without further ado, meet Blaise.

I chose to tell her story first because first of all how freakin cute is she?! Second of all I love that a little girl who gets to wish for anything just wants to see her family!

Blaise's wish was to go to Nashville to visit her family. Her cousins and grandpa live there and because she lives in Arizona, she didn't get to see them much. So when Make a Wish asked her what she wanted, all she wanted to do was visit them and they made it happen.

They flew Blaise and her family to Nashville where she got to spend time with her grandpa and cousins.
They went places like the Adventure Science Center and the Nashville Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. Most importantly, the family got to spend time together, and just have fun.

I know from experience when someone is sick, it is hard to just have time to spend together without focusing on the medical situation. This trip gave that family the opportunity to forget about Blaise being sick and just have fun! The Make A Wish website quotes Blaise's mom saying "“My daughter and her brother have suffered a lot of trauma and sadness ... thank you for giving us a happy vacation from it all!” 

To hear more of Blaise's story or to read other wishes that have been granted, go to wish.org.

I hope you all enjoyed Make A Wish Monday. It's still a work in progress, so please give me any suggestions you have! I don't know if this will be weekly or how often I will post these, but I really want to spread the word about the great work the Make A Wish Foundation is doing!