Kissing My Big Fat Blog Ass Goodbye!

TenaKim is on a mission... to get skinny! This is a mission I fully support because it's been a mission of mine for years, with some moderate success... and a lot of failing! Each week, we will blog about our progress and be brutally honest about our successes and failures! So I suppose I will start with why I decided to go along with this mission (besides the fact that Tena came up with a kick-ass name & a really cute button!). I'm sure you all have heard of the freshman 15... yeah try freshman 20. Ok, so maybe it's not that bad... but I honestly refuse to weigh myself. The last time I weighed myself was over Christmas break on the wii Fit & I think it was something like 175. I'm 5'3... so that's not a good weight! According to the Wii Fit I'm "In Danger of Being Overweight", which if you ask me, is actually a nice way of putting it because I would've told you I am overweight. And while I can blame it on the whole it's my freshman year, every freshman gains the freshman 15 thing... I have honestly struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember... and I'm only 19. I have had a couple successes in the past, I worked hard to work out and eat healthy and I manged to lose a significant amount of weight. I was proud of myself, I felt good. But it was so much easier to slack off than it was to stick with it. Especially once I got to school, there were so many excuses: no time, no energy, new place I don't know where anything is (especially the gym), no one to work out with and worst of all free (at least to me not to my parents ha).. the list goes on and on! Bottom line: I lack motivation and perserverance even though I desperately want to be skinny! My highest weight was somewhere between 190 and 195 I think... and I managed to lose a good 20 lbs and get down to 163 my 1st semester of my senior year. Since then, I've been a slacker and gained back not all, but a lot of my weight! Honest truth time... in case you don't believe me I'm fat 'cuz I know some of you won't! Here's me: Let's examine, shall we?

• Fat stomach? Check
• "Muffin top" check
• Double chin? check
• Huge arms? (not in a good way!) Check
• Fat thighs? Check.

I could keep going, but I think you get the point... So what am I gonna do about it? I'm glad you asked! Here are the things that have got to go and have got to happen if I'm going to lose weight:

• No more drunken 3 AM eating! So bad to sleep on all those calories...
• Healthy choices! No more soda, cookies, candy, pizza, etc.
• Only light beer! (sorry I can't give up beer altogether... I'm in college!)
• Sign up for the gym! The YMCA in town is only $15/month with no fee to sign up, and my mom already approved it! Now I just have to go!

So my goal is to lose 15 lbs in 5 weeks... 3 lbs a week is reasonable right? TenaKim lost 3 lbs already this week! 5 weeks is Spring Break, and I'm going to Panama City with my friends. The thought of wearing a bikini makes me want to vomit... that's gotta change! Want to join me and other fellow bloggers in our quest to get skinny and healthy!? Head over to Tenakim's blog and join us in kissing our big fat blog asses goodbye!!

Funny Comments #3!

This seems to be a hit, and I have a lot of fun keeping track of these and sharing these with y'all! Cammie even suggested I get a button for it, so if anyone is skilled & wants to do that, I would love you forever :) Anyway, without further ado, here are the funny quotes I acquired for the week: "I'm going to the formal with him but he's telling everyone that I asked him but I'm pretty sure that's not how it happened" "So what!? It's 2009, girls should be able to ask guys out!" "yeah but I'm a hopeless romantic: guys need to step it up and grow some balls!" "So this guy told me I looked beautiful last night..." "What!? Is he cute!?" "I don't know he's got that apple thing with the 2 faces..." "What!!!?? OMG! He has 2 faces!?" "No... his picture on facebook is the computer thing where you take pictures and it gives you two faces" "Oh.. thank god!" "He looked really pissed or annoyed last night..." "He did!? I think he just didn't feel well from the night before when he got really drunk" "Wasn't he drinking last night!?" "I don't think so... I saw him with water" "Oh, I guess I just assumed it was vodka..." "I was expecting one casual whiskey drink then all of the sudden I was passed out on the floor!" "He looks really hot tonight... and he's wearing pin stripe pants! I just want to rip them off of him!" "We were just sitting there and then someone yelled incoming and then we got hit in the face with some white substance" "that's what she said..." "Look he has eggs now!" "What!? He has AIDS!?" "I don't know which is faster... the way you take shots or the way you type!" As always, please feel free to leave your own funny quotes from this week in the comments, or write a post of your own if you feel like it!

Because Everyone Needs A Little Humor

So I really didn't mean to leave my pity party post up for so long without posting again, I just couldn't figure out what to say next! So to take a break from being serious and throwing pity parties... I thought I would do something funny! I got this in a FWD text message the other day, and I thought it was hilarious, so I wanted to share! (Luckily I found it online so I didn't have to type it all up from text messaging) This is Called In Order to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana. 6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 9. Sing Along At The Opera. 10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Reason # 10000 Why Boys Suck!

Today I was reminded of why I hate this whole girl/guy I like you, do you like me, lets date, lets not whole mess... you know what I'm talking about!? Lately I have started to feel like I am finally over my ex. We can talk and it's not awkward, we laugh at each other's jokes; we are friends, finally I think. So, in the spirit of moving on, I asked a guy if he wanted to watch a movie tonight with me. I don't even know if I have feelings for him or anything, but he expressed his feelings to me a couple times already, and I decided I should give him a chance. Well, his response to watching a movie with me? "Maybe." Um... k? Way to be vague! I'm so glad I put myself out there and asked you to do something when you're the one telling me you like me, and I never hear from you! It's not a big deal, I'm not gonna be crushed or anything if we don't hang out, but it just reminded me of why I hate dealing with boys. They tell you they like you, but they never make a freakin effort to talk to you! I understand being shy, but it's not that hard to text someone... especially if someone asked you to hang out, you said maybe and you said you would let me know. Then I don't hear from you all day. What is that about!? I also wait how boys can turn you into something so pathetic! The one thing I hated about being with my ex was waiting around for him to text me. I would wake up in the morning and wonder when he would text me, or why he hasn't yet. It's stupid! I don't need to live my life around someone else's schedule! Also apparently when guys say one thing when they're drunk they may or may not mean it when their sober (i.e. I like you a lot). I hate that. Basically right now I just hate boys.

Funny Comments, 2nd Edition

I got a pretty good response from this last week, so I'm gonna try and it make it a weekly thing, and post them either Sunday or Monday! So here are this weeks funny, random quotes from conversations that were either overheard or I was involved in: "I got kicked out of girl scouts. I was a Daisy & they let me graduate to Brownies, but then they asked my mom not to let me come back." "Why!!?" "I don't know... some sort of duck duck goose incident" "No junk food, we need beach bodies for Spring Break!" "Um you have a beach body you're a stick" "No... not really" "What's a beach body? Big boobs & a big butt?" "No because I can't afford big boobs!" "Does anyone have (name of professor)?" "Yeah, I've had him..." "Well today I found myself real attracted to him!" "What!? He's like 65!" "I know, but I was attracted to him..." "EW... why!?" "I don't know, maybe I was just feeling extra full of desire today..." "What kind of drink did you get?" "I'm trying something new I got a sex on the beach!" "Oh I've heard from a lot of people that's really good..." "yeah, plus it's so much fun to say!" "I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings!" "You can't judge, you're a stoner" "Yeah, they don't have meetings for that..."

When Boredom Gets the Best of You...

You know your boredom has taken over when you start clicking random links because your that bored. This is what happened to me. I was sitting at my desk, attempting to get some homework done, when I clicked over to my iGoogle home page to see what was going on. (Side note: if you're not familiar with iGoogle, basically its a way to keep up with your e-mail, facebook, twitter, blogs, and everything else... all one page). Since facebook, twitter, and my e-mail failed to provide anything new, I started reading the headlines that were on my iGoogle page... oddly enough headlines, E!News, that kind of thing... when something caught my eye under the WikiHow widget. This article entitled "How to Grind". Excellent, I thought! I've never been super confident in my "grinding" skills and I have a big party coming up Friday night, so I could probably use a few tips! (Read: I'm that bored and would rather read a random article about grinding than do my homework, like I should be.) Well, almost immediately after I started reading I found it almost impossible to take this article seriously! Allow me to show you... It begins like this: If you've been to a club or a party and seen people dancing with their pelvises together, then you've just witnessed grinding. (Wow, thanks for clearing that up! Clearly when I clicked over to this article, it was obviously because I don't even know what grinding is!) Sometimes referred to as freaking or freak dancing, (pretty sure i've never heard anyone refer to it as "freaking"... that means something completely different) it's most commonly associated with hip-hop and house music. (WHAT is "house music"?) Since this is kind of dancing is as sexually suggestive as it gets (really, as sexually suggestive as it gets? I doubt that), most people who plan on grinding will benefit from learning how to do it properly. (What are you trying to say? That because we are grinding we want to have sex?) And it just gets better from there... next they list the steps of how to go about grinding:

1. Dance near a person you want to grind with. If the person takes notice of you, and acknowledges you, approach them and ask if they'd like to dance. Never ask if they'd like to grind. (Thanks for that brilliant tip, because I know people commonly make that mistake.. not) If you know for sure the person is a grinder, ( assume the correct positions (one person, usually the guy, directly behind the other). If you are unsure, start off with some distance between your hips. If your partner starts getting a little closer, then you can get a little closer. What exactly is "a grinder"?) (really, so if they move closer, I shouldn't move further away? huh, brilliant!)
2. Dance with your your hips together. While normally the guy is behind the girl, there are not strict rules saying you can't switch things up. (Well since WikiHow gave me permission, I guess its ok!) If you're at the front, move your end area (your "end area"? Just say butt or ass or at least if you're trying to be proper rear end or behind, but end area, really?) around in a pattern at around crotch level of your partner. (oh yeah... this is getting good ;) ) You're in control. If you're behind someone else, follow her movements. The pelvises can be directly aligned, or slightly off so that one of the rear person's legs is between the front person's legs. (What, how does that work?)
3. Join a grinding chain. Sometimes a group of people start grinding together. Usually it's a mix of men and women alternating, or just women. Sometimes two women will "sandwich" a man, and others latch on. (So like a dancing orgy? Got it...)

Finally, they sum it up with a couple tips and some warnings:

• Guys may experience an erection while grinding. (woah... inappropriate!) If this happens, there are a few things you can do to hide it.
• Bend your knees so that the bottom of your stomach is the area getting the most friction.
• Turn so that they are grinding your knee. (Um... pretty sure we know the difference between your crotch and your knee!)
• If repositioning does not work, it's better to just excuse yourself for a few minutes to let things settle down. (please do...)
• If all else fails "pull up and tuck". (What!!?)

Warnings:

• The person dancing in the rear should not keep a cell phone or wallet in a front pocket--girls may get the wrong idea. Move your phone to your back pocket.
• If you do decide to keep your phone in your front pocket, make sure it's off. One of the last things you want is for your pocket to be vibrating while you're grinding with your dream girl. (LOL! We won't mind... really!)

The best part? It even comes with an instructional video! In case the tips from above don't help you enough.. (I can't figure out how to save it so I can embed it, but it's worth clicking over to watch it's hilarious!) Overall, I think I learned a lot from this very informative article, and feel much more prepared for Friday night. Who needs homework when you can learn how to grind, right from the comfort of your own room, and without moving a muscle!?

Funny Comments

So one of my favorite blogs, college candy, does a post at the end of every week about the funniest things they have overheard people say, and it never fails to make me laugh! So, I started thinking about all the funny things that get said around here, conversations I may or may not have been a part of. I decided to keep track of them on my phone, and post them at the end of the week. If you guys like it, I'll do it every week! So here goes... (While playing the game Never Have I Ever) "Never have I ever had sex with more than 2 people..." "like at once!?" "Um no like at all..." "Seriously? Who hasn't done that!?" "Do you wanna go work out with me!?" "ok just let me eat my cookies!" "Can we get out of class early? I want to watch the inauguration!" "Um we'll see..." "omg what if Obama gets assassinated!? We would miss it!" "Well hopefully Obama can dodge bullets like Bush can dodge shoes" "We saw the movie The Women... it wasn't very good!" "Why not?" "There were no men in it!" "Well duh it's called The Fu**ing women!" "I actually said y'all last night..." "You did!? Yay! We're rubbing off on you!" "Yeah and after I said it I wanted to throw myself down the stairs!" "I didn't wear a coat outside." "Um you're gonna die just to let you know P.S.!" "So we were kissing in the room, and then he told me to meet him in the laundry room so he could turn on the dryer and f**k the s**t out of me... so I ran away!" Feel free to leave your own in the comments, or put them on your blog and let me know so I can link to you!