When Boredom Gets the Best of You...

You know your boredom has taken over when you start clicking random links because your that bored. This is what happened to me. I was sitting at my desk, attempting to get some homework done, when I clicked over to my iGoogle home page to see what was going on. (Side note: if you're not familiar with iGoogle, basically its a way to keep up with your e-mail, facebook, twitter, blogs, and everything else... all one page). Since facebook, twitter, and my e-mail failed to provide anything new, I started reading the headlines that were on my iGoogle page... oddly enough headlines, E!News, that kind of thing... when something caught my eye under the WikiHow widget. This article entitled "How to Grind". Excellent, I thought! I've never been super confident in my "grinding" skills and I have a big party coming up Friday night, so I could probably use a few tips! (Read: I'm that bored and would rather read a random article about grinding than do my homework, like I should be.) Well, almost immediately after I started reading I found it almost impossible to take this article seriously! Allow me to show you... It begins like this: If you've been to a club or a party and seen people dancing with their pelvises together, then you've just witnessed grinding. (Wow, thanks for clearing that up! Clearly when I clicked over to this article, it was obviously because I don't even know what grinding is!) Sometimes referred to as freaking or freak dancing, (pretty sure i've never heard anyone refer to it as "freaking"... that means something completely different) it's most commonly associated with hip-hop and house music. (WHAT is "house music"?) Since this is kind of dancing is as sexually suggestive as it gets (really, as sexually suggestive as it gets? I doubt that), most people who plan on grinding will benefit from learning how to do it properly. (What are you trying to say? That because we are grinding we want to have sex?) And it just gets better from there... next they list the steps of how to go about grinding:

1. Dance near a person you want to grind with. If the person takes notice of you, and acknowledges you, approach them and ask if they'd like to dance. Never ask if they'd like to grind. (Thanks for that brilliant tip, because I know people commonly make that mistake.. not) If you know for sure the person is a grinder, ( assume the correct positions (one person, usually the guy, directly behind the other). If you are unsure, start off with some distance between your hips. If your partner starts getting a little closer, then you can get a little closer. What exactly is "a grinder"?) (really, so if they move closer, I shouldn't move further away? huh, brilliant!)
2. Dance with your your hips together. While normally the guy is behind the girl, there are not strict rules saying you can't switch things up. (Well since WikiHow gave me permission, I guess its ok!) If you're at the front, move your end area (your "end area"? Just say butt or ass or at least if you're trying to be proper rear end or behind, but end area, really?) around in a pattern at around crotch level of your partner. (oh yeah... this is getting good ;) ) You're in control. If you're behind someone else, follow her movements. The pelvises can be directly aligned, or slightly off so that one of the rear person's legs is between the front person's legs. (What, how does that work?)
3. Join a grinding chain. Sometimes a group of people start grinding together. Usually it's a mix of men and women alternating, or just women. Sometimes two women will "sandwich" a man, and others latch on. (So like a dancing orgy? Got it...)

Finally, they sum it up with a couple tips and some warnings:

• Guys may experience an erection while grinding. (woah... inappropriate!) If this happens, there are a few things you can do to hide it.
• Bend your knees so that the bottom of your stomach is the area getting the most friction.
• Turn so that they are grinding your knee. (Um... pretty sure we know the difference between your crotch and your knee!)
• If repositioning does not work, it's better to just excuse yourself for a few minutes to let things settle down. (please do...)
• If all else fails "pull up and tuck". (What!!?)

Warnings:

• The person dancing in the rear should not keep a cell phone or wallet in a front pocket--girls may get the wrong idea. Move your phone to your back pocket.
• If you do decide to keep your phone in your front pocket, make sure it's off. One of the last things you want is for your pocket to be vibrating while you're grinding with your dream girl. (LOL! We won't mind... really!)

The best part? It even comes with an instructional video! In case the tips from above don't help you enough.. (I can't figure out how to save it so I can embed it, but it's worth clicking over to watch it's hilarious!) Overall, I think I learned a lot from this very informative article, and feel much more prepared for Friday night. Who needs homework when you can learn how to grind, right from the comfort of your own room, and without moving a muscle!?

The Dangers of Beer Pong

So most of you are familiar with the sport game of beer pong, no? If not, let me break it down for you: basically you line up all the cups in a diamond, and throw ping pong balls at the cups, which are filled with beer. The cups can also be filled with other types of beverages such as water or sodas of course. Such was the case when I was playing obviously! Anyway, I feel the need to warn all of you that this can be a very dangerous game. So Last Monday night I was participating in a friendly game of beer pong, and pretty much kicking ass. Well it was all down hill from there, let me tell you! Occasionally when the other team misses their shots, one or both of the ping pong balls used may roll off the table onto the ground, requiring you or your partner to retrieve it. WARNING: if you must be the one to retrieve the ball(s), proceed to the floor WITH CAUTION, especially if there may have been several a couple drinks consumed prior to this particular game. It is very possible that you could fall on your face lose your balance ever-so-slightly and end up looking like you got in a fight with a slight injury to show for it. The above may or may not have been what happened to me... My partner (who happened to be my ex, but that's another story) was a little busy hitting on talking to other girls (which may or may not have made me cry slightly upset), so it was up to me to retrieve the lost balls. Sounds simple enough, right? Well I thought so, too. Now, the details are a little fuzzy, but I made it to the ground successfully, and I was underneath the table, then something went wrong, and I somehow fell over and landed on my face. Go ahead, laugh... So luckily no one happened to see my fall stumble, so I recovered, successfully retrieved the balls and went back to playing the game. Now I'm not sure at what point in the game this happened (before or after the previous injury), but somehow in another attempt to retrieve the balls, I started to lose my balance again and caught myself with my hand, but somehow managed to seriously hurt my finger... so much so that it was swollen the next morning and was like 3x the size of my other fingers (ok maybe not that big but it was really swollen!) And my eye? Oh yes I had a nice little scar to remember my mis-hap by, and had people asking me for the next few days if I got in a fight! Just to prove I'm not making this up (If I were making this up, it would be a way better story!) I managed to take a couple pictures of my nice battle wound!It's kinda hard to tell, but it's basically like rug burn on my eye! So the lesson? Be very careful when playing beer pong and exercise caution at all times when getting on the floor for any reason! You can bet the next time I played beer pong, I made my partner pick up all the balls. hehe!

Me vs. You

Why is it that we can't just be happy with what we have, and we always have to compare it to everyone else? There will always be something that's not good enough if we constantly compare ourselves to other people: Someone will always be skinnier than me... that's just the way it is. But then there are the few that aren't. Someone will always have more money than I do... Someone will always be happier than I am... Someone will always be something that I am not or just more so than I am. Why is it that we do this to ourselves? Why can't I be grateful for what I am and for what I do have without comparing it to other people? There is usually nothing good that comes from this... it usually only leads to feeling inadequate.. at least in my case. I may not ever measure up to other people... but I am me, and I should be happy with that. Easier said than done, obviously, but it's really starting to make me crazy! I am setting myself up for disappointment by comparing myself to everyone else. The truth is my friends boyfriend might say sweet things that mine doesn't.. but that doesn't mean that my boyfriend and I aren't happy! The truth is half my friends will probably always be skinnier than me, and it sucks, but I am who I am! It's such a waste of time to compare ourselves to everyone else... we are all our own person and that's the way it should be. So why can't we just love ourselves and what we have without worrying about other people!?

Moral Window

I remember in one of our orientation seminars, they had us write down like 15 or something values we feel are most important to us. Then we had to throw 2 away, then more, then more, and then more until you were only left with one. They told us the point of this exercise was that college challenges your values and your morals, and you'll basically be put in positions that make you question your morals, and you end up having to possibly throw them out the window. I knew this was probably true, but I've always been really strong about my values, specifically what I will and won't do. It's always been I will not do drugs ever and I won't have sex until I'm in a serious relationship. That's just the way it's been, and I stuck to that, and thought that if challenged, I wouldn't change my mind. But over time, curiosity set in. So many people talked about it, and I wanted to know what it was like, blah blah blah. Well you know how they say curiosity killed the cat? Yeah... I think I agree with that. Nothing good comes from curiosity. It leads you to making the wrong decision... This weekend I made the wrong decision. I won't say what I did, because I can't. 1. My family reads or could read this blog. 2. I'm ashamed. So you can read between the lines... I said I didn't regret what I did, and I didn't think I did. But that's because I thought I stopped it before it could have serious effects. Apparently, I was wrong. Apparently, other people it involved are concerned. I never thought I would be in this position... you plan your life, you know? You accept that you'll make some mistakes. But you always in the back of your mind promise yourself you'll never make that mistake. This weekend, I got carried away. I made that mistake. Yes, there was alcohol involved which we all know clouds your judgement- 1st mistake. I accept responsibility for what I did, and just have to go on with the learned the hard way philosophy.. and hope that nothing serious comes of this.

My girl/guy theory

So I was talking to this guy the other day, and he said something that stuck with me for awhile because I never really thought about it until now. He told me that he had girl problems, blah blah, and the one thing he said that stuck with me ever since (well it's only been like a little over a week, but still) is "Nice guys always finish last". Now I try to be an optimist (although my friends laughed hysterically when I called myself "positive Patrice" the other day so I guess I'm not very successful at it), so I immediately told him he was wrong! I told him I would much rather date/talk to a sweet guy than some jerk who treats me like nothing! He told me I was rare. I thought this was a very depressing way of looking at things! I guess I've heard that some girls like bad boys or whatever, but still! I guess I buy into the whole hard-to-get thing to a certain extent, because honestly it does kind of make me want them more, but as far as dating I would much rather date a sweet guy and not a jerk! Well, after a lot of thinking I have decided that nice girls finish last, too. So I guess I am cynical and whatever, but it's my theory and I'm sticking to it! For as long as I can remember, ever since I've had crushes on guys, I have always gotten the friend line: "you're a great friend... but I just don't see you as my girlfriend." Now, I pride myself on being a good friend. I will go above and beyond to make sure I am the best friend I can possibly be, so I am glad people recognize that I'm a good friend. However, I don't want to be every one's friend. I want to be someones girlfriend, too. Why is it that because I'm nice and because I'm a good friend, that makes me like un-dateable or something? So if I were a bitch you would want me to be your girlfriend is that it? If I treated you like nothing, would you like that? I doubt it. So what's the compromise? Hot sometimes, cold other times? I don't like playing games. I want to be myself, and some guy should like me for that. But apparently that's not good enough. My non-skinny, average looking at best, nice self is not what guys want. So here's my theory with the help of my friend John*: Nice guys and girls apparently always finish last. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent (well I wouldn't really call him innocent but whatever)

why people writing guest posts should always do their homework first and NEVER write about cheese

Hi guys! My name is Jen and I'm from mommablogsalot. [insert everybody saying, "Hi Jen" in a very help group-esque fashion - or better yet - a first day of college orientation-like way - perfect right? Who wants to do an ice breaker? Anyone? No one? Yeah I know, ice breakers are lame - but we could all get in a line in order by height and favorite color and then we'll hold hands and sing a song - it'll be great!!! ... Yeah, no, not so much? Okay, so...] TODAY - I will be standing in Patrice's shoes (I hope they are the pretty rain boots she just got - LOVE those) and filling in as her guest poster extraordinaire, because as you all know, Patrice is on a plane right now on her way to COLLEGE (well I'm only guessing she's on the plane right now, I guess she might not be, but you get the idea), and since she's likely to be very busy for the next few days, she's arranged for a few guest bloggers to entertain us all while she's gone - and I'M FIRST. Isn't it exciting? I'll let you in on a little secret - this is my first time guest posting ever!!! I hope I don't break any "guest poster" laws like NEVER TYPE IN ALL CAPS LOCKS BECAUSE IT IS VERY RUDE or 'never tell an embarrassing story about yourself' or 'never ever ever start talking about cheese - especially not Gorgonzola'. So I'll try my very hardest to behave, okay? Slap my wrist if I make a mistake. Okay so I just deleted like six paragraphs of writing because apparently I am the most boring guest poster ever, and I'm hoping I can finish this before my son wakes up from his nap, because he's not going to understand, "I'm sorry sweetie, I can't play right now, I'm guest posting at Patrice's..." He'll just be all like, "I wanna cookie?" Or something. I don't know. So what should we all talk about? I'm realizing now that maybe I should have planned this out better. Maybe I should have asked Patrice what she would like me to write about instead of just going in all willy nilly (I feel like I've been using that phrase a lot lately, is it just me? Yes? Okay, moving on) - I'm thinking since I'm guest posting BECAUSE of college maybe I should make this post college themed. I know all day I've been trying to conjure up some great college story that I can tell you about, but I've found that my memory seems to be short on um memory, because nothing comes to mind. I thought about doing a post full of advice for Patrice on her first day, but then I read her post from Sunday - drats, she already did that. And it was good - seriously, maybe you should go read that instead... Oh, you already, read it, too? Okay, well...

Why don't you all tell me about your college memories? Oh, blogs don't work that way? Hmm... Okay, looks like we're stuck with mine. Well, I went to college to major in business management. Why? I have no idea. Because about four months in, I started looking into the courses I would need to take to graduate and they were dreadful - like statistical analysis-tis and economic somethingorother and like only two English courses. And I was like, "Really, only two? What can I major in that has MORE English courses?" And they were like, "Um, English." And I was like "GREAT! Sign me up!" So I did, and then my father was like, "English? What are you going to do with a degree in ENGLISH?" and I was like, "Don't worry, daddio (except I never called him that. Ever. I don't have a death wish) - English majors can do all sorts of things. I can be a journalist, or a teacher, or a journalist..." Anyway I stuck with it and even worked for my school newspaper, eventually ran the thing, and did an internship with a newspaper in my hometown (which was awful, but that's another story). So then I graduated. And I set out to find that dream job - but the problem was all the dream jobs were like way over there. And I was like, "Nope, I'm right here. What can I do here?" And the answer seemed to be, "Not much, why didn't you major in something useful like nursing or business management?" And I was all set to stress out until I had this miraculous brainstorm of an idea - "I'll just get married and have some kids." And I did. Except I didn't really plan it like that, although it would be cool if I had - remember like back in the day when it was the joke that women only went to school to get their MRS? Those were the days... Okay, now it's time for the moral of my story.

::clears throat and puts on Grown Up Voice:: When you decide to go to college and it comes time to pick your major - it's VERY important to consider your life goals. If your career is important to you, as I suspect it is, you should pick a major that will bring you closer to that goal. And then you should figure out where you will have to go to get that career and what other things they might want you to have done - like maybe an internship in Lithuania or some time in the Peace Corps. Whatever. Okay, you've done that? Good. Now make sure to bring HANGERS with you to college - because no matter how many semesters I packed for school, I never remembered hangers and I always ended up buying new, and now I have like 800 mismatched hangers and really who needs 800 hangers anyway?

I know Patrice packed her hangers and probably has some awesome plan for her degree because she's so clever and organized, but maybe somebody else is reading this who is starting school TOMORROW instead of today, and is still packing and maybe they will be like, "Duh? ::forehead smack:: HANGERS!" and I totally just saved them from buying new. So you're welcome. Now what do you want to be when you grow up? Apprently, 'older' isn't an acceptable answer anymore. So - Patrice - how did I do? Are you regretting now, saying, "Sure Jen, you can definitely guest post for me." Are you changing your password now so I can't log in and make ANOTHER brilliant guest post tomorrow, about cheese perhaps - Gorgonzola anyone? Any takers? No, okay, well, I'll spare you. Because I'm sure Patrice has it all figured out. Have a great time in college Patrice! I hope you had a great flight with plenty of peanuts and zero turbulence and no screaming babies. Speaking of screaming babies...