Permission to Make No Sense

The Un-Mom is hosting the weekly meme of Random Tuesday thoughts & well since I don't feel like making sense today, I love this because she is pretty much giving me permission to make no sense! Kidding... I will make some sense (or at least try)! So attempt to follow along, won't you!? So, I don't know if you remember (but you should because you should be taking notes of everything I say here!) me talking about my College Lifestyles internship, but I posted my very 1st blog over there the other day, so go check it will you!? It would make me super happy! :) I realize it's been a long time since I posted anything, but I felt like I had something to live up to after my last post was quoted on iTunes and all! I was gonna post something, but I was debating on what to post next... I was thinking about doing a post on the fear of talking on the phone, or a post about how I'm surviving the summer. What do you, my lovely readers, think!?! Anyone, anyone... Bueller? I'm taking summer school starting Monday & I'm not excited. It's going to suck. I know it. I hate school. I hate doing work for school. blah! But, hopefully it will get my GPA up & it will get a couple of classes out of the way. But it's gonna suck, did I mention that!? Also, my school & the school I'm taking classes at are not making this easy! I have less than a week to get everything in order, and today I find out my summer school doesn't have my transcript. Well that's because my normal school is "holding it" until 6/10... 9 days after I'm supposed to start classes. Awesome! Thanks for the help! My weight has officially gotten out of control. So, I have been touring gyms and stuff trying to find the right health club to join for the summer so I can hopefully go back to school looking and feeling much better than I do now. Hopefully I can start the whole working out process ASAP because time is wasting & I'm not getting any thinner! I almost posted about the MTV Movie Awards yesterday because I had so many thoughts & feelings after watching it! It was a very enjoyable show for the most part, and I freakin LOVED Andy Samberg (although I wish he would've performed instead of having those people do the slow-mo versions of his songs... lame!)! However, I was so annoyed that Twilight won everything! I get it that it's apparently soooo amazing & whatever, but enough is enough! There were a lot of other great movies this year besides Twilight & someone else should've had a chance & gotten recognized! I don't even want to watch next year, because with the new Twilight movie New Moon coming out I'm sure it's just gonna be the same kiss-twilights-ass kind of show again, and I am not interested, thankyouverymuch!! Also, Kristin Stewart... um whatever you're smoking/drinking/taking whatever... stop! You're a fool! Also, get a stylist... no one wears converse on the red carpet! Get a clue :) 1 more thing about the Movie Awards... um Heath Ledger won an award (I think like Best Villain or something? Thank God Rob Pattinson didn't win that too... shocker!) & they very nonchalantly, in passing, said oh by the way Heath Ledger won.. ok moving on now. WHAT!!!!? This is the last award that Heath Ledger will ever win most likely, and they just nonchalantly mentioned it. It was very insensitive I feel, and I wish they would've done something more to honor his memory. That's it... let me know what you think my next post should be, because I am in a slump! Also, if you're not in the mood to make sense either and just wanna say what's on your mind, you can do your own Random Thoughts Tuesday & link up with The Un-Mom!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

A weekly link-up post about random thoughts!?!? This is my kinda post! The Un Mom is a girl after my own heart! So here's my randomness for the day!

Friday was Relay for Life. I have been meaning to blog about my experience since I got back at 6 AM the next morning, but just haven't gotten around to it yet! I will post about my experience because it's such an amazing cause & I feel it is definitely worth mentioning! On that note, I am still planning on posting about my spring break. I know my posts are gonna be a little out of order, but like I said in my last post, it's my blog & I'll do what I want so deal with it! My next post, however, I'm pretty sure, will be an open letter to a boy I have affectionately named Ass hole! :) You'll definitely want to read it! I have some serious venting to do! I am going home Friday for Easter weekend & I'm so excited! It's the 1st time I've been home all semester (meaning since Christmas!!!)! I can't wait to see my family! My mom came up & visited a few weeks ago, but I haven't seen my dad or my sister since Christmas. I'm really excited to just relax at home & do some real shopping in D-town, baby! Trust me when you're used to shopping in a city like Dallas, it's hard to adjust to mediocre shopping. There is 1 mall here & it's 30 mins away, so I can't just go whenever! Plus I am so excited for STARBUCKS! We don't have one in town, again the nearest one is 30 mins away, so I can't just go whenever I feel like it! I miss it every day! Ok maybe not every day, but I do miss it! I am so behind on my blog reading. I have been at 1000+ since who knows when! I can't remember the last time it wasn't at 1000+! I tried to create a system: start at the top of the list, read the latest couple posts, comment, then mark all as read. This way I am letting you guys know I've stopped by but I'm not reading your posts from a month ago or longer! Well, my system is taking forever! I keep thinking ooo maybe after this person it will at least say 900 something, but no! That stupid 1000+ won't go away! So I'm slowly working my way over there... if I'm missing something super important, leave it in the comments & I will check it out right away! :) I can't believe my freshman year of college is almost over! I have very mixed feelings about this. I am not looking forward to the summer. I'm going to miss everyone so much, but I can't wait to get away from the school work part & the classes part! If you're not keeping up with MckMama & baby Stellan, you should start. He is a very sick baby in need of a lot of prayers, and there is nothing like the bloggy community to bring people together in a time of need, and to spread the word about someone in need of prayers!

Well I think that sums up my randomness for Tuesday! It's not too late to join in, just head over to The Un Mom & link up!

Straight from my brain to the blog!

So I have a lot of random thoughts I feel I should share on here, but are not worth making a whole post out of each one, so it's time for my favorite bulleted list of random thoughts... I should really make this like a weekly thing, I do it a lot. (Wow was that a run on sentence or what?! )

• 1st of all... thank you so much for all your sweet compliments on my post yesterday! You guys are too kind, really! I swear I didn't post that just to fish for compliments ;)
• Also I really need to write my post about my beer pong injuries! Beer pong is a very dangerous game let me tell you! I tried to write it the other day but I was having serious writers block... ironic I know, but I can't figure out how to explain it!
• I also have quite a few other posts in the works, I'm pretty excited about them, I just need to write/finish them.. that's the hard part!
• This week started my 2nd semester as a college student! So far I like all my classes and I really like my schedule because I don't have class until 1 on Friday's (and Monday's & Wednesday's) which means PARRTAAYY on Thursday! lol It's a huge party night here & last semester I had class at 9, so I had to miss out a lot :( That is when I'm not studying, of course!
• I am completely in love with Real Housewives of Orange County! I'm so glad McMommy started a whole blog about it! As soon as I watch the show I immediately head over there to read her hilarious re-caps & theories!
• Since it seems to be the trend to start a 2nd blog, I might just have to about all my TV addictions, because when I am watching all these shows I just feel the need to speak my mind! haha I don't know if I'll do it... I'll see if I still want to in a couple weeks!
• I am so behind in my blog reading! My reader is currently almost at 700!! Can you believe it?!? I don't know how I got so behind! I am tempted to press that Mark all as read button... but I don't want to miss something! Maybe I can catch up this weekend...

I think that's about it! Hopefully I'll put up a real post tomorrow! Thanks for bearing with me & my randomness :)

Random Things

So I keep trying to write an actual post, but for some reason I start working on it and then decide it sucks. Do you ever do that? I don't know what my deal is... Anyway, for now I'm just gonna post a bunch of randomness and maybe I can decide on an actual post eventually. So here are some random thoughts in bullet points for your better reading! lol

• I've been working on my Christmas tour post that everyone has been posting, and I was going to do with 2 angles, like since it's my 1st Christmas having 2 homes- school & home I was going to do both, but for some reason I feel like the post was turning out really boring.. any thoughts?
• Cammie gave me an award today! I'm so excited! I have a bunch of awards I need to give away, so I should do that soon!
• So far my winter break has kinda sucked... and it hasn't even been a week. There is so much drama with my friends from home it's ridiculous. It's making me want to go back to school ASAP but I still have 30 days :(
• Apparently it is the season for bloggy giveaways, and I entered a couple just for fun, over at Tyne's place & Fablous K Creative. Both are for blog makeovers & even though I love my layout done by Krystyn, I thought it would be fun to enter anyway for kicks. Everyone needs a makeover now & then!
• I decided what I'm going to do for my 100th post! I want to keep it a surprise, though! I'm pretty excited about it :)
• I think I came up with a new idea for a weekly meme possibly mr. linky thing... I don't know I'm still working out the details, but I think it could be fun!

Well, I am done with randomness for now... maybe later i'll do an actual post depending on how I feel about my posting abilities! haha Until next time, friends...

Me vs. You

Why is it that we can't just be happy with what we have, and we always have to compare it to everyone else? There will always be something that's not good enough if we constantly compare ourselves to other people: Someone will always be skinnier than me... that's just the way it is. But then there are the few that aren't. Someone will always have more money than I do... Someone will always be happier than I am... Someone will always be something that I am not or just more so than I am. Why is it that we do this to ourselves? Why can't I be grateful for what I am and for what I do have without comparing it to other people? There is usually nothing good that comes from this... it usually only leads to feeling inadequate.. at least in my case. I may not ever measure up to other people... but I am me, and I should be happy with that. Easier said than done, obviously, but it's really starting to make me crazy! I am setting myself up for disappointment by comparing myself to everyone else. The truth is my friends boyfriend might say sweet things that mine doesn't.. but that doesn't mean that my boyfriend and I aren't happy! The truth is half my friends will probably always be skinnier than me, and it sucks, but I am who I am! It's such a waste of time to compare ourselves to everyone else... we are all our own person and that's the way it should be. So why can't we just love ourselves and what we have without worrying about other people!?

How do you really feel?

So I love facebook for many reasons, but tonight, after the results of the election were announced, I came to love facebook even more. Why, you ask? Let me tell you, friends... if you wanna know what people are really thinking, just log on to facebook, and read some of your friends status's. Or, better read some of mine. Some are happy, some are claiming they are leaving the country, and some are just freaking hilarious! Allow me to demonstrate: Here are some of my favorite negative one's:

• Stocking up because we're screwed
• scared for everyone's future...
• Bye, Bye America
• Way to go America for electing a damn terrorist
• Congrats America.. you've elected a damn idiot for president!
• can only sit aside and sob as I watch the country fall apart and see people celebrating...
• omg what has America done? the next 4 years we are f***ed.
• well yall wanted change and yall are about to see it, and it wont be good. F*** Obama.
• excited to quit her job and go on welfare. Yay president hussein!! Oops. I meant Obama. My bad.
• can't believe so many people are so easily fooled.
• now that the dems are in control of the house, the senate, and the presidency, who are they going to blame now?
• We should all make sure we look pretty cuz this country is about to get f****ed.
• I can't believe America voted for a baby killer.

Countless people seem to think the solution is to move out of the country, to everywhere from Canada to Israel to Australia, and even Texas "if it secedes". One is going to Mexico: "I plan on going to Mexico to sit on the beach and drink for the next four years" Some just claim they are moving out period, apparently they haven't come up with a good location yet! Some are just shocking: "i can see the headlines now... "President Turned Terrorist Bombs His Own Country." " "in mourning and can't wait for increased taxes! no longer the white housee..........it is now the black house!" "wow america.. f***in n****" " its ok someone will probly assassinate him so dont wry bout it." Here are some of my favorite positive ones:

• I must be a fortune teller cause I predicted this to happen, sorry McCain you tried now go cry.
• Do you republicans need help packing? Because the rest of us are ready for change!
• so glad America made the right decision!!! Suck it Republicans!!! OBAMA 08!!!
• WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OBAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO MORE BUSH NO MORE BUSH NO MORE BUSH NO MORE BUSH!
• if obama get shot its goin to be war and you dont want that trust...and if you need help moving please let me know i got tons of boxes to help.

I can't even count the number of people whose status's were simply OBAMA! or OBAMA 08 or something of that nature. Some have suggestions as to who should run in 2012 already, including themselves:

• just wants to party my life away, no more election crap! neither should of been elected. we all should have voted for MEEEEEEEE :)
• announcing his intent to run for President in 2028.
• f*** em! f*** em! LIL WAYNE FOR PRESIDENT!
• is running in 2012 cause anyone apparently can make it.
• 4 more years...lil wayne for president!
• mccain can't make it rain and obama can f*** a llama. ME FOR PREZZZIDENT.

And my all-time favorite:

• WHYYY MCCAIN!! WHY DID YOU LOSE? YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A WINNER IN MY HEART BIG OLDIE.

And what, do you ask, is my status?? Patrice is choosing to have no comment on the election.. unlike every1 else I'll keep my opinion to myself, thanks :)

My Poor Blog!

My Poor blog... it has been so neglected lately! It doesn't deserve this! I used to be so good to it, writing daily, always checking in with all my bloggy friends, and (hopefully) being interesting! Lately.. well I've been neglected my blog, your blog, and I feel pretty boring! I've been full of memes, and blog fests, whatever you wanna call them. Bottom line is it's pretty unoriginal! I have attempted to write some good stuff... but they remain drafts in my folder. I meant to check in with Looking Fine by '09 on Monday, but never got around to it. Then I meant to do Top 5 Tuesday, but again, never got around to it. And last week, I totally spaced out about It's Real Life! I was so excited to do my video, too, then Friday came and went and I forgot all about it! This whole school thing is really getting me down.. I just wanna give up sometimes. I know it's my fault, because I procrastinate, and I don't study as much as I should, blah blah blah... but it still sucks. I hate doing homework, I hate studying. There's so much better things to do! I just really need a break, but no such luck! On the bright side.. my birthday is tomorrow!! :) I'm super excited! My mom's been sending me a package a day all week with presents, it's so much fun! I've gotten some great stuff so far! I love birthday's! I'll be spending my birthday tomorrow night with my new boyfriend, who things are going really well with, at his fraternities Halloween party! We're going as people from the 50's, so I'll be wearing a poodle skirt & he's wearing jeans and a leather jacket! I'll post pictures if we take any, which might not be likely! But hopefully someone will have a camera! Last week was a busy week, too, because it was initiation week for my sorority. Basically what that means for those of you not familiar with sororities is that we had ceremonies every night and those of us who just joined the sorority this year are now official members. Probably doesn't make much sense if you're not familiar with sororities and stuff, but I felt like telling you anyway! :) Also, Dee made my day today by giving me a wonderful new bloggy award! I'm so excited, thanks Dee! So look out for that, I'll try to give it out to you guys soon! Also, I almost forgot that Mamasphere loves me!! hehe She sent me the I heart you award last week, so I'll post that, too! :) I don't wanna promise that I'll be around more because I know I'm gonna be busy coming up this weekend with my birthday and Halloween and everything, but I'll try! I'm permanently behind on reading your blogs, so I'm slowly trying to catch up on that, too! Story of my life! haha

One Week

Today I was thinking about how much changes in a week. It's really amazing if you sit down and think about what you were doing this time last week and how different it is from today. For instance, This time last week, I was torn between 2 guys. Now I am not even a little bit second guessing my decision! This time last week, I was celebrating because my now-boyfriend asked me to go on a date the following night (the date on which he would ask me to be his girlfriend!) This time last week, I was assuming our student newspaper, which I'm the managing editor of, was going to publish. This week, apparently it's not going to publish all semester. This time last week, I was worried about the upcoming weekend not being fun since everyone was going home. This week, I am so looking forward to the weekend when I can see my boyfriend! And... This time next week it will be 1 day until my 19th birthday!! How excited am I?!?! So excited! So, if you think about it, it's amazing what a difference a week makes.. I just had to share! Feel free to join in if you want! P.s. Anyone have a cute idea for a couples costume?!? I need one kinda fast!

Thursday Already!?!

Wow, where did the week go?!? I can't believe its been almost a week since I posted anything! Sorry for being such a lame blogger! I've been reading your blogs as much as possible, but I'm slightly behind... my reader is currently at 882. Yeah told you I'm behind! And for some reason, I just won't let myself click the mark all as read button! I want to read everything even if it is a week old. So this is just going to be a bunch of randomness and hopefully today or tomorrow I'll actually post something different. I am hanging out with that new guy again tonight! It's the 2nd date time we've hung out. I'm super excited :) I have posts I have been meaning to write, but for some reason just can't make it happen, so maybe you guys can give me the kick in the butt friendly reminder to post something!! Susan @ Life in the Psych Ward gave me another bloggy award, the Kreative Blogger award! It's so pretty it's already displayed on my sidebar, but I am going to get that post out soon and give it to you guys! I should have some time to blog this weekend because it's fall break weekend (just a 3-day weekend) but basically everyone in my sorority house is going home! I will be 1 of 4 people left out of like 69 people total. So there won't be a whole lot to do around here. As far as my room... I'm afraid it's getting a little messy again! I'm gonna have to clean it again! I just get lazy and throw things on the floor, or the bed, or the desk, and all of the sudden it piles up! I currently have my clean laundry in laundry baskets, unfolded, on the floor, where it's been sitting for 2 days now! I think I have a problem! Anyway, that's pretty much all I've got but I promise a real post coming up soon!

Randomness

• So I just wrote the most like honest and specific post I've ever written. Usually when I write about personal stuff, I make it hypothetical so that on the rare chance that someone I know like one of my friends felt like reading my blog (fat chance, but you never know) it might not be that obvious who/what I'm talking about. This is not like that. I always leave out specific details that make it obvious. Not this time. I don't even know if it makes sense, and I already know what advice I'm going to get, so I can't decide if I'm going to post it or not. I know what I have to do about the situation, I just don't want to.
• I apologize for my lack of posts lately. I've been exhausted and lazy and kind of having writers block. It's like I really want to write something, but I just want it to magically appear and everyone can leave me comments :) If only that would happen...
• I really want to blog about my personal stuff I'm going through, which is what the post I mentioned is aobut, but I just don't know if I can... I feel stupid for saying it out loud (or writing it, it feels like the same thing) because i know what I have to do.
• It involves a boy... doesn't it always!? He may or may not have been mentioned here before...
• I'm excited that our (or my) favorite TV shows are back! Private Practice is tonight, and Lipstick Jungle. I love them! One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl were Monday, those are my favorites too! I just love TV. I miss my TiVo at home a lot, though. Luckily, it's been pretty easy to catch up on what I've missed online.
• Have I mentioned how tired I am? This has been my schedule this week: Sunday night I went to bad at 5 AM... woke up @ 8:40 for my 9:00 class. Then had class all day until 2. Luckily I got to sleep in really late yesterady, but then I only got like 5 hours of sleep. Didn't have time to nap today either because I had class starting at 9 and then every hour on the hour (except for 12 during which I was supposed to eat lunch but didn't.. that's next), my last class was @ 2 which was newspaper, and I'm still not completely finished with everything I have to get done for that. I love it, I do, but sometimes I wonder what I got myself into with all the extra work.
• So I got my ears double pierced awhile back like within the 1st few weeks of school, and a couple days ago one of my 2nd holes got infected. umm... ouch. I can't even lay on that side. I had to take out my earring (which was next to impossible) and clean it out really well, it was bleeding like crazy, and it's still really red. Make sure you clean your ears when you get them pierced! I was just being lazy and I paid for it... big time.
• That's how I spent my lunch hour- cleaning out my ear and all that. Really pleasant. I figured I would just eat lunch after my 1:00 class. Forgot about my 2:00 class on Wednesday's only. I didn't eat lunch until like 3:30.. and I ate breakfast at like 9. Hadn't eaten since. I was starving.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I still have a lot of posts I want to write, some of them from my to-do list and some to add, so hopefully I'll quit being lazy and get them done!

To-Do Lists

So I mentioned I've been busy, but I told you I had a good reason, right? Well let me just tell you what my to-do list looks like. I'm doing 2 versions, a blog to-do list & a IRL to-do list! Blog to-do list: (not counting all the blog-reading I have to do, this is just what I have to write about on here) *This is in no specific order*

1. Being country-fied (Yes, I made that word up)- apparently since I'm from TX I need to be a country person. So my friends here at college are working on converting me.
2. IRL response to saying I'm a blogger- seriously it's hilarious some of the things I get!
3. Favorite things Swaps posts. Yes I did 2, and I'm the worst swap partner ever because its taking me so long to get my packages out!
4. Awards ceremony- way back in the day Chelle gave me an award and I never re-awarded it, and then yesterday Mrs. Newlywed gave me another award! I'm so excited! :)
5. My new girl/guy theory. It's deep... and slightly cynical.
6. My weekend.. great weekend!
7. Discover new blogs... I used to do this all the time because I had so much blog time over the summer, and now I rarely click links to new blogs because I can barely keep up with the blog friends I already have, but I really want to get back to it and see who else is out there in bloggy world!
8. Whatever else comes up that I need to talk about!

IRL to-do list:

1. class- I feel like I'm always in class! Well ok not really, but I can act like it, right?
2. send out Favorite things swap package
3. study for house test- we're having a house test in our sorority we basically have to know the history of our sorority. It's gonna be hard.
4. Homework. It never ends!
5. Socializing. I know, all the school stuff comes first but I need my social time too!
6. clean/decorate my room. It's a mess, clothes everywhere.
7. That's all I can come up w/ now, but I'm sure there's more.

So as you can see, I'm pretty busy. I know you get it, I just wanted to share what I'll be up to when I'm not here!

I need you....

In case you haven't heard, next week marks the beginning of my college career! I have a lot of mixed feelings about this, which is a whole other post in itself, but it's coming up really fast. Anyway, I leave on Tuesday! Can you believe it? Me either! So, I need a favor from all of you bloggy friends. I'm going to be really busy next week. I'm going to be going through rush, so there's going to be events every night, etc. Bascially, I really don't think I'm gonna have time to blog. I will definitely be twittering (tweeting? Twitting?) my every move, so you can keep up with me that way, and once it settles down I will definitely right a huge post about everything once I get the chance (hopefully next weekend) but in the mean time, I am wondering if anyone wants to guest post for me. This seems to be the new trend around here in bloggy land, and I want to jump on the bandwagon! So I need like 4 or 5 of you to help me out ?! Starting next Wednesday. I would really appreciate it! If you're interested, let me know! I would love to have you! Also, I apologize for the lack of posts the last few days... the words just aren't coming to me! I'm trying to get something together, but I can't find the words!

Question

Quick Question... Well I wanna know if there's anyone that does like a Monday Morning post where you post about what your going to post about this week. I have been known do this sort of thing from time to time. I know it's kind of hard sometimes because posts just come to you randomly, but if something happened over the weekend you're planning to blog about later in the week, you could preview it with this, and give us all a reason to come back later this week. I could've sworn I saw this somewhere, but I can't remember where... so blogger's, I need you to help me research! Let me know....

**Update: I'm not sure I was clear.. I appreciate the feedback I've gotten so far. But what I'm asking is if someone does this as like a Mr.Linky thing, with the banner & all... and if not if its something anyone is interesting. I'm playing with the idea of doing something like this, so any feedback is great! Thanks.

Stay Tuned....

Ok so some days I can't find anything to write about, you know the feeling. Well I have like 1000 things to write about today (ok not really) But I just wanted to give you a heads up, because it might be a little bit before I can organize my thoughts & make actual posts! haha

• I am attempting to play along with WWWAT today, but I'm not really sure my pictures are worth it, and I'm actually not even sure I can upload them from work, so that's a maybe.
• I have a new idea I want to run by you, and see what you think, so look out for that...
• I updated my movie quotes because the answers to the best quotes were pretty much really hard... and half of them were unheard of!
• I may write an updated post on all the drama... but probably not today.
• I have to talk about this whole college thing, because its coming up really fast!
• Don't forget, if you haven't already to check out my dinner party invite.. I am seriously wondering if I can cheat and have 2 dinner parties b/c I had so much fun coming up with the 1st one.. hmmm....
• Former City Girl tagged me in a super-fun meme, so I'll be filling that out today, and tagging some of you, so look out for that, too!!
• I am probably forgetting something... but you get the point!

I have officially crossed over...

Lately I've come across a lot of bloggers who say that either their immediate family or extended family (like mother's in laws) don't know they blog or don't read their blog. And there are just as many (maybe more) who are on the opposite side of things, and have to be careful what they post because their husband/mother/mother-in-law, etc. reads their blog. So it got me thinking.. how many of you are "undercover bloggers"? I first started this blog with the intention of keeping family up to date when I leave for school. However, my plans quickly changed. I found it to be very therapeutic and personal and I didn't want people that actually know me to read what I was writing. I really don't know why! It's ironic that I will let total strangers in on what's happening, but not my family. The irony is not lost on me, don't worry. However, it's not a secret that I blog. Many of you keep it a secret, and I don't know how! My family knows, and a lot of my friends know, but they don't get it. My friends tell me I have "no life" because I blog, and my family has requested the link to my blog a few times, but I have denied them... However, I have officially crossed over. I am no longer an "undercover blogger." I am about to leave for school as many of you know, and I am lucky to have a very caring family who wants t0 know what's happening. Honestly, it would just be impossible to e-mail everyone individually, and since I am so addicted to this blog, I will definitely be keeping it up to date as best I can. So I figure it's the best way for everyone to know what's happening. Therefore, I crossed over. I gave the first family member a link to my blog! I have no idea if she even read it or passed it on, but I did it. And it wasn't my mom! ha Don't tell her! It's funny because it makes me think about what I post, and while I won't censor myself because, after all, this blog is still for me just as much as anyone else, I am more likely to be anonymous about things dealing with friendships, and such. It's funny, though, what I am learning is that if you don't blog you really don't understand the bloggy world. I let some of my co-workers read my blog the other day while I took a break and they covered for me. They read my Top 5 Tuesday post, and they got confused because I linked to Dana's blog, so they went to her's, then got confused because they thought it was Supernanny's blog and they kept asking "Who is this person". That's what I get most when people who don't blog see me blogging - "Who is that?" "Do you know that person?" or my favorite "What is this?" Me: "uhh... a blog.. duhh!" haha It's a great world, our bloggy world, and it was particularly clear to me how great this bloggy world is for support last week when I most needed it. I know I already thanked you all, but really, I can't say it enough, that without the support of bloggy friends out there, I don't know what I would do! This post didn't turn out quite like I envisioned, but hopefully you can follow my randomness.. I'm off today, it's a Monday, can you blame me ?!?

I am humbled and grateful...

I am so grateful && so humbled by how many of you left such thoughtful comments this week. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have this bloggy world of support... it's therapeutic just writing it down but when you guys leave comments with such thoughtful and helpful words, it is really unbelievable. So, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is definitely a hard time for me, but this bloggy world has honestly made it so much better! I've been busy getting ready for college and spending time with those friends I still have left that aren't complete !@#$%^S.. haha, but I will respond to everyone's comments and I promise I will try my hardest not to post all complaining posts this week because I feel like that's all I've done lately. Yes, I am still hurt. And I wish the situation was better, but unfortunately, its not despite my best efforts... I am really at a loss as to what to do and I suppose I will just have to let it go which is even harder for me than just fighting. I really could write another 10 posts about this (at least) but it wouldn't make me feel better, and I am trying not to dwell... So thank you again. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have support from so many different people. I will be back after the weekend is over and it's not so crazy around here!

On Top of Everything...

Clearly I haven't had my share of drama yet. Oh, no it's just getting good! Think you're disappointed now?! Oh, no. The fun is just getting started... So yesterday I am talking to a really good friend of mine, who at one point, was one of my best friends. For some reason or another we haven't really stayed in touch this summer. A few months back, we had a falling out and she didn't agree with some choices I was making, so she cut off our friendship. Just.like.that. Well, after a few months, we eventually started talking again, apologies were said, forgiveness was granted, etc, etc. You get the point. Well, like I said, we haven't really stayed in touch this summer since then. I really feel like I am trying... normally when we have disagreements it's because of my lack of trying, and putting other friends before her. Well, I was really making an effort... but with no results. So yesterday, we talk... and she informs me that she's leaving in 2 days to go on vacation.. and won't be back until the 19th. The same day I'm leaving for school. So I ask what she's doing the next 2 nights, telling her "I would really love to see you before you leave for vacation.. I don't know when I'll be back in town." And her response? This is good.... brace yourselves! "I'm really busy." Too busy to make time to see me before I leave until who knows when??! And it gets better... she literally said "oh well.." Oh well ?!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! ?And the thing is... I would expect this from her.. but not from this friend. She was always there for me, she was the friend that I called crying, and it hurts that she doesn't even feel it necessary to say good bye! I am really getting the short end of the stick, here. And I honestly don't know why! I really think I did everything to be the best friend I could be... so why doesn't anyone feel the need to reciprocate? Like I said before, I never imagined this is how my last 2 weeks before school would be. I figured it would be sad... but not for this reason.

Feeling let down

I mentioned that this weekend was a little dramatic. I have struggled with how exactly to post about this without it being a word-for-word recap and a really long story. So I'm gonna do my best.. I have mentioned my struggles with friendships before. Well, this weekend just confirmed what I already knew, but didn't want to admit... that I really am alone. People who I cared about (and still do, whether I like it or not) proved to me they don't care about me. And as much as I knew that, it still sucks. There's really no other way to put it... it sucks. These people, especially one in particular who I considered "my best friend", have been my friends for 3 years. I mentioned before I was the basketball manager my last 2 yrs of high school, and this allowed me to form amazing bonds with girls on the team.. or so I thought. I am the type of person that always wants to please. I put others needs before mine. I always pay for things, because it makes people happy; I offer to drive everywhere and use my gas, just so other people don't have to. I really go above and beyond for people in my life, because I care. And all I want is for them to care, too. I'm no therapist, but if I had to guess I would say it all boils down to my insecurities. I am insecure with myself, and as a result, I do whatever I can to get people to "like" me. Everyone in my life knows this person isn't good for me, even her own boyfriend has expressed his realization that she "doesn't appreciate me." And I know it's true. I have known for 3 years that she didn't care about me the way I did her. I always had the feeling that our friendship was based on what I can do for her, and her need for me. She always denied it, and I wanted so badly to believe her. Deep down, I knew. I'm not stupid. I just wanted to believe the best, not the worst. I made all kinds of excuses for her- she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents (they are crazy), she doesn't know how to be a good friend, she doesn't know how to have a functional relationship. At the end of the day, though, I was the one crying, not her. I knew... but it still sucks. It sucked to sit on the stairs in my own house this weekend, after a night of arguing with her because of her lack of respect for me, and listen to her talk about me behind my back and say some of the rudest, most hurtful things. And coming from someone who I care so much about, it hurt more than words can say. I am not dwelling. I am going to college in 2 weeks. I don't have to talk to her, or the other 2 friends I was with who were also horrible to me, but it hurts. And this is never how I envisioned spending the last 2 weeks before college.... I am hurt and I am upset. And I don't know what to do... I want to talk to her and find out if she meant the things that she said. But what is the point? For 3 years it has been constant up and down and it's never going to change. I will be ok. I know that. I will make new friends. I know that, too. But for now... it sucks.

Something other than a meme

In case you haven't noticed, I've been struggling, I guess you could say, to find the right words (or any words at all) to post here on my wonderful blog. Well, the good news is ... I am posting something other than a meme. The bad news... it's just bullet points of randomness for now, but with a promise of substantial posts to come! So here goes:

• I have a lot that I want to say because a lot happened this weekend that I think needs to be spoken (err.. written) about. The best part about having a blog (other than connecting w/ new people) is that it can be very therapeutic. This is why I need to talk about what happened this wekeend... I am just struggling with how exactly to do this without a) losing the respect of my fellow bloggy-friends and/or b) writing a post that is just a bunch of whining and complaining... so stay tuned as I figure that out!
• Next- I have to say a huge thank you to everyone who has posted comments giving me advice about the upcoming major changes in my life. I really appreciate all the advice, and if I didn't reply to you.. I'm sorry! I just got distracted, but I appreciated it a lot!
• The count is now down to 15 days... I can hardly believe it.. and I have yet to do any shopping... yeah. Think I should get on that?
• I have been dealing with all this rush stuff, and it's starting to stress me out! I was awakened this weekend @ 10 AM (I know, it's not that early.. but it was my day off!) to some random lady from the Panhellenic Committee (which I've never even heard of before) telling me basically that my resume sucks (in not so many words, but basically) & I need to fix it, fill out something online, find 2 pictures- 1 close up, 1 not, and I don't even know like a million other things I need to do by the next morning. Um... yeah. I have a life.. The sororities at my school are not even that competitive because its a small school, but I'm doing the whole rec. thing as a formality and it's starting to p!$$ me off!
• Since I blabbed about that forever, I'm gonna end there, but I had to share this (tell me it doesn't count as a meme! lol)

65%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating

• Oh yeah, and just to add some comedy... I accidentally signed up for a dating site in the process of taking this quiz.. wow I should really pay more attention to what I'm signing up for... now I'm getting emails like "Meet Hot Guys in Dallas"... great! Because 2 weeks from going to college- the 1st thing on my mind is meeting hot guys... NOT!
• Also I want to give bloggy love to my newest additions to the blog roll: Chelle @ Creative Momma Carol @ Sisiwick Construction Zone Blog of a Broken Man (coming soon to my blog roll!)
• And one more thing.. I guess you can officially say my blogging vacation is over... at least for now.

I've got nothing

Seriously... I am at a loss as to what to post. I did my big college update post... and it wasn't really a hit. I did really appreciate the advice I got, thank you Mommy, Etc and A Broken Man... So all day I have been sitting here trying to decide what to post next, what to say. Find something interesting that will maybe, actually draw people to start reading my blog. Well... McMommy I am not. I simply cannot form a post out of the fact that I have nothing to post about. [Well technically this counts as a post but what I mean is I can't make an interesting post out of nothing] So, I may just have to go on a bloggy vacation... I'm sure all 3 of my readers won't mind! If anyone has anything you would like to hear from me, please speak now or forever hold your peace... or if anyone just wants to guest post for me (what are the chances of that!) I might actually let you since I have absolutely nothing to say!! So until next time...