I'm an Idiot

Why am I always played for the fool? I should've known. Why did I expect that we could talk things out and understand where each other was coming from? She has never understood where I'm coming from, or even tried. I should've known that she would be the bitch, and I would be the one apologizing because I always am. I'm stupid for thinking that we could just forget about the past, move on, and enjoy the next 2 weeks. Of course not because that would be too easy, and nothing comes easy for me these days. Somehow, this hurts worse than it did before. Because I wanted to work things out. Despite everything... I told myself I didn't want to. I told myself I don't care, I'm over it, I've dealt w/ this for too long. And its all true. So why can't I just let it go? It's beyond hurtful... I'm the one whose supposed to be mad. I'm mad, and somehow she still takes all the power. I truly believed that she would be willing to listen to my side of things, and I to hers. I'm so sick of being upset, and let down. And it.just.isn't.fair. I really was fine... I really was mad. So why am I crying now, and not before??? It went like this: "I need to talk to you... I'll bring you your stuff && we can talk." "I'm working out." "Ok. When are you available b/c I need to talk to you..." "About?" "About things, when are you free?" "What do you need to talk about?" "Why does that matter, I just need to talk to you ok?" "No." And that was it. Just like that with one simple word she ended 3 years of a friendship that I dedicated my time, energy and heart to. I have never felt so alone...

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Chelle said...

Aw, hon, I'm sorry. But you know what? You are going to meet some amazing people in college. Mature people, people who will be begging to be your friend. You seem so sweet and if someone is acting like that towards you...you don't need them in your life. One day she will realize what a good friend she lost....and you realize what a good thing it was to have her out of your life...
Big (((hugs)))!

amanda said...

honey YOU are not the idiot.

she is.

simple as that.


Monica said...

That sounds like a tough spot to be in, but if that is what she is like maybe its for the best?

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Awwwww sweetie, *hugs*

You aren't an idiot. I don't know the backstory here, but this is most likely a case of her suffering from her own insecurities.

You've got a lot of wonderful things ahead of you in life (you are the same age as my daughter Meg who is heading off to college in two weeks) and you don't need this kind of negativity.

I agree with Amanda as well!

Enjoy the next couple of weeks and best of luck this autumn! I'm going to be coming back to read how things are going.

Honey Mommy said...

When I read that verbal exchange I instantly thought "that's so harsh!" That's no way to treat anybody, let alone a friend.

I agree with everyone else... the idiot here is definitely not you.

I LOVED college and met some of my best friends there. Many of them are still my friends, including my husband. You are sure to make some great friends, so look forward to it!

Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I think your blog is awesome! I love the layout, colors, writing... everything!

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