Sad Day

Just in time for the holiday season, sad news :( My boyfriend and I broke up last night... he broke up with me. He was nice about it, and he didn't want to have to end things... but he has a lot going on and needs to get his life together before he can be in a relationship. I understand, I do, but it hurts... a lot. I wish there was a way that he could get his life together and still keep me in his life as his girlfriend, but it doesn't look like there is a way for that to work right now. I am so lucky to be surrounded by amazing friends, who all took care of me last night. I know this is the best thing right now, and I'm really glad that he cares about me enough not to drag me on when he doesn't feel like he can be 100% committed to this relationship. He has a lot going on in his life, and he felt like our relationship was possibly just another way for him to escape. I know he needs to get his life together, and we both said that it's possible there is a future, but for now he has to figure some stuff out. I just can't stop blaming myself... I know it's not my fault, it's no one's fault really, but I feel like there is more I could've done, I should've been there for him more... there are just so many regrets. If there is such a thing as a good time to break up, I guess that now is a good time because I'm leaving tomorrow to go home for thanksgiving, so we'll get a break from each other and we'll be able to think about things. It sucks. There's really no other way to say it. It really sucks. I miss him. I wish it didn't have to be like this. The worst part is, I had no idea. I did not see this coming at all, and that sucks even more. I know I'll be okay, and eventually when I'm ready I'll be his friend because he needs friends in his life right now, and maybe someday, when the timing is right, we can be together. Who knows what the future holds... all I know is I need to stop focusing on the past, and focus on the positive things. It's just gonna be a really hard couple of days...

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