"I don't know what you want me to do"

"I don't know what you want me to do... I don't know why your upset" I know you don't... and that is the problem. You don't understand that I am desperately afraid that our friendship is falling apart and that it breaks my heart. You don't understand how much you mean to me. You don't understand that when I'm not with you, I want to be. You've been my best friend for so long and I am afraid of being without you. You don't understand that it's not about what I want... I don't want to hang out because that's what I want, I want to hang out because we are best friends and we want to spend time with each other, not so you don't have to hear me complain about not hanging out. I want you to understand that maybe I just need you to be there for me. I want to be a priority in your life, and I don't feel like I am, and that's not fair to me. I have given you so many chances. When people told me to forget about you, I didn't. I knew we could get through it. I knew that even though it might not always seem like it, you had the best intentions. I'm not sure anymore. I'm afraid that if I left you alone and never tried, we wouldn't ever talk. I'm sorry if you don't understand... it's how I feel. I can't change how I feel. I'm afraid that I'm losing you, and worst of all that you don't care. I know if you don't care, I shouldn't either, but its a little late for that. I just need you to understand..

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I'm So Excited (& I Just Can't Hide It)

lol like the title ?! I couldn't resist... Ok, so as I said I am so excited... and this is why! Tomorrow morning, this will be MINE!Yes, that's right... the brand new iPhone 3G! My amazing parents are supplying me with this amazing beauty for a fantastic graduation present, and I couldn't be happier! I just had to share! So, my It's Real Life post is coming up, but I need to stop by home on my lunch break and scan in a few pics, so hopefully it will be up later this afternoon.. stay tuned! Happy Thursday!

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It's Real Life #4

It's that time again! Already, can you believe it? I will admit I have been looking forward to this all week! Thanks, of course, goes out to Jessica @ Farm Fresh for hosting. As if she doesn't have enough going on (what with having a baby soon plus 2 little kids) she still made time for us to share our real lives! So, I'm really glad this isn't limited to wedding pictures because I would be crushed if I couldn't participate! ha Anyway, today I am sharing my "real life" with pictures from my graduation. Unfortunately, these pictures aren't the best and they are limited since the occasion was so recent, but I will share with you what I can. So I will start you off with me and my diploma!My graduation was in the gym at my high school, I graduated with about 97 students, and not to brag, but I was one of 27 students that got a scholarship! (More about that later) Anyway, it was a big ordeal and lot's of family came in town so here are some pictures with family members: This is my great aunt and uncle.. they live here in Dallas, so we get to see them quite a bit and they are huge supporters and just great people all around!This is me with my maternal grandparents. They drove all the way from Illinois to be with me on my special day! They were journalism majors, so they were thrilled to learn that was what I'm planning to study. This is me with my paternal grandparents. It's actually my grandfather and my step-grandmother, because my dad's mom passed away before I was born, but I was named after her and am proud to carry on her memory. (Her name was Patricia, my parents decided they liked Patrice better so it wouldn't be shortened).This is me with my sister, Anna. She's 3 1/2 yrs younger than me, and we definitely fight a lot but really she's a great friend and I'm lucky to have her. I am really gonna miss her next year because she's finally getting to the age where we can hang out and I feel like I'm missing so much of her growing up. Next, we have a picture with friends. It's not the best picture but it will work: This is me with 3 of my good friends (my best friend is 2nd on the left). I met these girls through basketball, and we spent countless hrs. together and they became really great friends. To see my parents and I at graduation, go to this post. I have more at home... but I didn't get a chance to stop by and pick them up so maybe I'll add some later, but I think this does it justice, don't you ?! Update: So upon further review, i have decided to add some pics from my Senior Prom. It was definitely a momentous occasion because it really marked the end of Sr. year, and how close we were to graduating! Ok so, there's a lot and I just can't choose! So, taking an idea from the fellow posters, I decided to post a slideshow of prom pictures! I'll give you one big one, though, because I can't resist! Here's the slideshow! Enjoy:

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The Result of my 4th of July weekend

So some of us have pictures of fireworks, or adorable little kids patriotic outfits, or just of the family having fun together. However, I did not bring my camera with me unfortunately this weekend so I have none of those. However, there is one thing that stands out that is a souvenier, if you will, of my 4th of July weekend. Let me preface by telling you how this came about. Friday my friends and I decided to spend the day at a nearby lake, swimming and having a picnic on the shore. It was a really fun experience until I stepped off to the side of the lake right off shore, and fell in a hole. I am not kidding, it beats me how on earth there came to be a hole in the lake, but this was no normal hole. There was something hard in this hole that happened to hit me in the side of my leg, leaving me helpless and in a lot of pain. Anyway, I will let you see for yourselves my "Souvenier" from my 4th of July celebration! Yes, that is what my leg now looks like... the scary thing is the picture actually doesn't do it justice. Anyway, I'm going with the story that there was a shark in the lake and somehow I managed to escape with only a bruise!

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What They Don't Realize

There's alot of things I keep inside for various reasons, and sometimes I just have to get it out. So here goes... He doesn't realize that he broke my heart... and not just once. He doesn't realize that every time I drive by the places he kissed me, I think of the words he said to me "I love you... I want you to be my girlfriend for the summer... you're an amazing person, etc., etc." He doesn't realize that those words break my heart every time I think about them. He doesn't realize that those kisses replay over and over in my head every day. He doesn't realize that I still want him even though I tell myself I don't. He just doesn't realize... She doesn't realize that I would give the world for her. She doesn't realize how much she means to me. She doesn't realize she's been my best friend for almost 3 yrs and I have hardly ever felt that she feels the same way. She doesn't realize that one of my deepest fears is that after we leave for college, across the world from each other, that we will never talk to me again. She doesn't realize that the thought of this breaks my heart. She doesn't realize everything I do for her, just to make her happy. She doesn't realize how often I go out of my way to make her happy, often sacrificing my own happiness. She doesn't realize I live in fear that one day she will wake up and decide not to be my friend anymore. She doesn't realize how upset I am when she's mad at me. She doesn't realize...

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Happy Endings or Not So Much?

So tonight was movie night for my friends and I... and the movie of choice was Garden State. While it was a good movie I guess, it got me thinking. Now I don't consider myself to be cynical, but so far my love life has been pretty well.. dull. And I know that it's rare to meet your soul mate in high school, but your still supposed to date. Well, for me.. not so much. And by not so much I mean at all. I'm sure I'm not the only one, and I'm sure that between the few people that actually read this blog, and me, could come up with plenty of excuses to why this is the case. However, it doesn't change the way I feel. I can't help but feel like something is wrong with me... like i'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough... I could go on forever. Anyway, I digress. The point is the movie (spoiler alert) of course has a happy ending. Basically, they meet, they fall in love and end up together... all in a matter of 4 days. I mean really? 4 days? Come on! Ugh. Why can't movies ever be real? Anyway, the movie just left me feeling... empty. Like, what if the happy ending isn't in the cards for me? Why do they always have to end up together in the movies? Basically, I guess the conclusion that it lead me to is that I have in fact become a cynic because of what I've experienced. It doesn't help that the last 2 people I kissed were not exactly true love, considering one of them was someone else's boyfriend (don't judge- there's more of a story to it that I will share some other time) and the other was someone whose last name I don't know (again.. no judging.) I just wish that they made movies about real life, and not the happy endings that sometimes aren't. It's not that I don't hope for that happy ending, and don't usually enjoy movies with a happy ending. But I can't help but feel like its just so unrealistic and makes me feel kind of hopeless. I feel like I'm talking in circles... not exactly how I intended this post to be, but whatever, I'm just thinking out loud and thats what blogs are for right? I will leave with this list I found via Google of movies that actually don't have a happy ending.

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