How Much is too Much?

ok so the general concencus on this was to post it... so I'm going out of my comfort zone and hoping no one I know IRL actually reads this! Well actually just the person this is about.. but whatever! So I've said before that I pride myself on being a good friend. I go above and beyond, and I know that sometimes I do too much, but I really do enjoy it. I think. But sometimes it can be discouraging, and it can start to feel like you're doing all of this for nothing, and what are you getting in return. This is the situation I'm in now. There's this boy. (That's how it always starts right?!) He may or may not have been mentioned on here before..) Well this is how it went... we started talking, I liked him, thought maybe he liked me, then he made it perfectly clear he's just not that into me, and wants to be friends. Of course, because I'm every one's friend, right? Perfect. So I gave it some time, and didn't talk to him for awhile. Then I decided we should be friends because I like him as a person and although part of me wants to be more than friends, I am willing to sacrifice my feelings to at least get to hang out with him and talk to him, because I enjoy that. Well, so far every time we've hung out it's been me helping him write papers for school. Which is fine, I like helping people, and I'm happy to do it since I happen to be a decent writer and it's a talent most people don't share. In his defense, he works 5 days out of the week and absurd hours, like overnight, then goes to classes during the day and sleeps when/if he can. So, although we're only hanging out when we're working on his papers, it's kind of the only time he has to hang out, so it's like killing 2 birds with 1 stone. However, I have to wonder. How much is too much? I have been going more than out of my way to help him. So out of my way that I slept over in his dorm room in order to help him with his paper, make sure he woke up to finish, etc. I wake him up for class in the mornings, I help him with his papers, I help him with basically whatever I can. I feel like I'm part nanny, part mom and part girlfriend. Except I'm none of those. I enjoy his company. I enjoy hanging out with him. But people are concerned... my friends say I'm going to get hurt. I know he doesn't like me like that, and I guess I accept that. But if I'm being completely honest, a part of me wants more. I kind of feel like I'm getting the raw end of the deal... like he gets my help basically whenever he needs/wants it, and there's no strings attached. Yes, I like hanging out with him. But I don't want to only hang out because he needs help. I don't know whenever I think/talk about it I just end up going in circles. I don't want to stop hanging out with him. I know he needs help, and for whatever reason I feel responsible to help him. But I'm afraid I'm gonna get hurt. I already got hurt by him once, after the whole I don't like you speech, but I got over it, and I decided to be friends because I really enjoy his company and talking to him. I guess I'm just wondering how much is too much? How much can I do without really getting anything in return other than a thank you and maybe a hug? It's not like I want sex. I don't. I don't want it to sound like that. I don't know what I want... I'm confused, and I'm scared of getting hurt. I don't know what to do. I know it's not going to turn out the way I want to... I can't make him want to be with me if he doesn't.

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  • So I just wrote the most like honest and specific post I've ever written. Usually when I write about personal stuff, I make it hypothetical so that on the rare chance that someone I know like one of my friends felt like reading my blog (fat chance, but you never know) it might not be that obvious who/what I'm talking about. This is not like that. I always leave out specific details that make it obvious. Not this time. I don't even know if it makes sense, and I already know what advice I'm going to get, so I can't decide if I'm going to post it or not. I know what I have to do about the situation, I just don't want to.
  • I apologize for my lack of posts lately. I've been exhausted and lazy and kind of having writers block. It's like I really want to write something, but I just want it to magically appear and everyone can leave me comments :) If only that would happen...
  • I really want to blog about my personal stuff I'm going through, which is what the post I mentioned is aobut, but I just don't know if I can... I feel stupid for saying it out loud (or writing it, it feels like the same thing) because i know what I have to do.
  • It involves a boy... doesn't it always!? He may or may not have been mentioned here before...
  • I'm excited that our (or my) favorite TV shows are back! Private Practice is tonight, and Lipstick Jungle. I love them! One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl were Monday, those are my favorites too! I just love TV. I miss my TiVo at home a lot, though. Luckily, it's been pretty easy to catch up on what I've missed online.
  • Have I mentioned how tired I am? This has been my schedule this week: Sunday night I went to bad at 5 AM... woke up @ 8:40 for my 9:00 class. Then had class all day until 2. Luckily I got to sleep in really late yesterady, but then I only got like 5 hours of sleep. Didn't have time to nap today either because I had class starting at 9 and then every hour on the hour (except for 12 during which I was supposed to eat lunch but didn't.. that's next), my last class was @ 2 which was newspaper, and I'm still not completely finished with everything I have to get done for that. I love it, I do, but sometimes I wonder what I got myself into with all the extra work.
  • So I got my ears double pierced awhile back like within the 1st few weeks of school, and a couple days ago one of my 2nd holes got infected. umm... ouch. I can't even lay on that side. I had to take out my earring (which was next to impossible) and clean it out really well, it was bleeding like crazy, and it's still really red. Make sure you clean your ears when you get them pierced! I was just being lazy and I paid for it... big time.
  • That's how I spent my lunch hour- cleaning out my ear and all that. Really pleasant. I figured I would just eat lunch after my 1:00 class. Forgot about my 2:00 class on Wednesday's only. I didn't eat lunch until like 3:30.. and I ate breakfast at like 9. Hadn't eaten since. I was starving.
Well, I guess that's it for now. I still have a lot of posts I want to write, some of them from my to-do list and some to add, so hopefully I'll quit being lazy and get them done!

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Top 5 Tuesday (A Little Late): Who Influences me

I know I'm a little late on this, but I started and then stopped like 20 times and I was busy, ok? So give me a break! Anyway, this weeks Top 5 Tuesday is Who Influences Me. Wow.. this is deep! Hopefully I can come up with 5 good one's!

  1. My mom- My mom has always been a great role model for me and I look up to her a lot. I hope to be as good of a mom as she is to my kids someday.
  2. My dad- My dad and I haven't always been that close, but I look up to him a lot and really respect the way he works so hard to give us such a great life. When I look for a husband someday I hope he has qualities that my dad has.
  3. My god-mother/Aunt- My Aunt Kim has been always been someone I look up to a lot. While I may not see her or talk to her everday, she has always had a great influence in my life. She's a great person with a big heart and is always quick to give advice when I need it. She's a great role model and a great influence.
  4. My friends- I know this could be a good or bad thing, but my friends play a huge role in my life. They influence me both for the better and sometimes for worse, but hopefully mostly for the better.
  5. Various people who come into my life- I know this sounds weird, but at different times in my life, i've had different people influencing me. For instance, my basketball coach last year influenced me to start working out and lose weight (if only she would come to college with me!). It's people like this who are in my life at different times that make a big difference.

So I hope this was worth the wait... well not really but I wanted to do it anyway since it's such an important topic.

If you had a busy Tuesday like me, but still want to talk about who iunfluences you, head over to Supernanny Where Are You? and link up! It's not too late, right Dana?!

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Tag, I'm it!

Danielle @ Life with the Hewitt Family tagged me in this fun little meme! Thanks, Danielle! Everyone who hasn't checked out her blog yet, go do it now! *pauses, waits for everyone to come back...* ok, so here are the rules of this meme: 1.Post the rules on your blog. (check) 2.Write six random things about yourself. (check) 3.Tag six people at the end of your post. (check- scroll down!) 4. If you are tagged, JUST DO IT, and pass the tag along. (this one is up to you guys!) okay, now that we have the rules out of the way, you can learn more about me!

  1. I love getting dressed up to go out. I usually don't get ready for class because I would rather sleep in and there's no one to impress since most of my classes the majority of people are girls. So on the weekends when I actually do my hair and make up and put on cute clothes, I feel like 10x hotter!
  2. I am obsessed with tabs, like on Firefox, I always have like 1000 open at a time. Most of them are usually new blogs I want to check out. If someone gets on my computer, and they don't click "restore" (as in bring back all my previous tabs) they should prepare for death! lol Currently I have 35 tabs open, 26 of which are blogs. See, told you!
  3. I talk to my mom everyday, sometimes twice a day. I don't think I've been here at college 1 day without talking to her! We have a great relationship.
  4. I'm not really into football.. I occasionally watch Mizzou games since being at school in Missouri, but that's only if I'm out like at the frat house, and it's already on. Our school doesn't have a ft. ball team, and our H.S. team was a joke, so I just never really got into it. The other school in our town has a ft. ball team, and people go watch their games, I think I'll go sometime, but I'm not much for watching ft. ball on TV.
  5. My friends say I talk like the people from The Hills! I have a bad habit of saying "OMG" (like literally the letters o, m, g.) and I probably say "like" a lot. I sometimes say "brb", but I don't think I use internet speak very often! lol they also say I exaggerate my endings like the "t" sound at the end of a word... I don't think I do this, but whatever!
  6. I am in love with Britney Spears' new single Womanizer. I can't wait for her new album, seriously I still love her last album. I don't care what is happening in her personal life as long as she keeps making kick ass music like this!
Ok, now for the fun part, who should I tag?!? Is that 6? I think so.. well I hope you enjoyed learning more about me & I hope those of you I tagged will enjoy doing this! :)

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