On Top of Everything...

Clearly I haven't had my share of drama yet. Oh, no it's just getting good! Think you're disappointed now?! Oh, no. The fun is just getting started... So yesterday I am talking to a really good friend of mine, who at one point, was one of my best friends. For some reason or another we haven't really stayed in touch this summer. A few months back, we had a falling out and she didn't agree with some choices I was making, so she cut off our friendship. Just.like.that. Well, after a few months, we eventually started talking again, apologies were said, forgiveness was granted, etc, etc. You get the point. Well, like I said, we haven't really stayed in touch this summer since then. I really feel like I am trying... normally when we have disagreements it's because of my lack of trying, and putting other friends before her. Well, I was really making an effort... but with no results. So yesterday, we talk... and she informs me that she's leaving in 2 days to go on vacation.. and won't be back until the 19th. The same day I'm leaving for school. So I ask what she's doing the next 2 nights, telling her "I would really love to see you before you leave for vacation.. I don't know when I'll be back in town." And her response? This is good.... brace yourselves! "I'm really busy." Too busy to make time to see me before I leave until who knows when??! And it gets better... she literally said "oh well.." Oh well ?!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! ?And the thing is... I would expect this from her.. but not from this friend. She was always there for me, she was the friend that I called crying, and it hurts that she doesn't even feel it necessary to say good bye! I am really getting the short end of the stick, here. And I honestly don't know why! I really think I did everything to be the best friend I could be... so why doesn't anyone feel the need to reciprocate? Like I said before, I never imagined this is how my last 2 weeks before school would be. I figured it would be sad... but not for this reason.

I'm an Idiot

Why am I always played for the fool? I should've known. Why did I expect that we could talk things out and understand where each other was coming from? She has never understood where I'm coming from, or even tried. I should've known that she would be the bitch, and I would be the one apologizing because I always am. I'm stupid for thinking that we could just forget about the past, move on, and enjoy the next 2 weeks. Of course not because that would be too easy, and nothing comes easy for me these days. Somehow, this hurts worse than it did before. Because I wanted to work things out. Despite everything... I told myself I didn't want to. I told myself I don't care, I'm over it, I've dealt w/ this for too long. And its all true. So why can't I just let it go? It's beyond hurtful... I'm the one whose supposed to be mad. I'm mad, and somehow she still takes all the power. I truly believed that she would be willing to listen to my side of things, and I to hers. I'm so sick of being upset, and let down. And it.just.isn't.fair. I really was fine... I really was mad. So why am I crying now, and not before??? It went like this: "I need to talk to you... I'll bring you your stuff && we can talk." "I'm working out." "Ok. When are you available b/c I need to talk to you..." "About?" "About things, when are you free?" "What do you need to talk about?" "Why does that matter, I just need to talk to you ok?" "No." And that was it. Just like that with one simple word she ended 3 years of a friendship that I dedicated my time, energy and heart to. I have never felt so alone...

New Plan

1st of all I am very upset with blogger because it's not cooperating at all... and my blog list no longer tells me when/what you posted... so I am trying out this whole google reader thing, but I miss being on your actual page. For now, though, it will work. Anyway, I was thinking and I decided that from now on when I have nothing else to say... I'm going to post something I've written before. I was on the school paper last year (I was actually part of the staff that launched it) and so I have a few things saved that I wrote that are actually applicable (like something other than school events that would mean nothing unless you actually went to the high school I did! ha) So today, I'm starting this new tradition... we'll see how long it will last, because I don't know if I really have an abundance of things written or not. Anyway, today we are starting with something I am very proud of and rightfully so. This essay was written for my college, and it earned me a $5000 scholarship! The prompt was the effect that media has on society, and I decided to make it about the impact of celebrity coverage in the media. I wrote this in one day, then had a couple teachers look at it for me, and sent it in the same day! So enjoy...

Do you know what Britney Spears has been doing lately? Did you know Angelina Jolie is pregnant again? How about the latest rumor about Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer?

More than likely, 9 out of 10 people will be able to repeat this information before they can tell you the latest developments on the war in Iraq.

The sad truth is that in today’s society, it is almost inevitable that most people who keep up with news will be aware of the latest celebrity happenings. With the latest technology and Websites like perezhilton.com and TMZ.com are getting millions of hits a day, it is clearly evident that today’s society is obsessed with media coverage of celebrities. The message the media is sending by covering celebrity happenings is these events are the most important events in society, and young people are taking this message to heart, resulting in potentially dangerous consequences.

In 2007, when Anna Nicole Smith died suddenly, it was the number one story on almost every news station. According to Thinkprogress.org, NBC’s Nightly News devoted 14 seconds to Iraq compared to 3 minutes and 13 seconds to Anna Nicole. CNN referenced Anna Nicole 522 percent more frequently than it did Iraq. MSNBC was even worse — 708 percent more references to Anna Nicole than Iraq. Events such as the sixth downing of a U.S. helicopter in the past three weeks, allegations that a deputy Iraqi health minister was aiding a Shiite militia in its attacks against U.S. troops, and the death of four Marines- all key events in the war on Iraq- were ignored, or given extremely minimal coverage.

The message the media is sending by prioritizing a celebrity event over the war in Iraq is that the death of Anna Nicole Smith matters more than soldiers dying for their country.

The almost nonstop coverage of celebrities in the media affects young people greatly by setting negative examples. Drug and alcohol abuse seem to be prevalent themes. More and more celebrities have allegedly used drugs such as cocaine, marijuana, and heroin- all of which can be extremely dangerous. Celebrities getting busted for DUI or being reported as drunk at night clubs seem to be so common people are not even surprised anymore.

Eating disorders are also becoming more frequent among young people because of the constant, obsessive coverage of celebrities. Adolescents are being taught that the images of celebrities and models in magazines are what “normal” men and women look like. Actually, the images they are comparing themselves to are the results of airbrushing, professional make-up artists, and who knows what else! The media is also portraying the idea through the coverage of celebrities that being “fat” is unacceptable and ugly.

The media’s judgment of celebrity coverage is endangering the future of our country. If the media is too busy focusing on celebrity happenings, our country will become a bunch of uneducated, celebrity junkies. Is this what we want for the future?

**Note** I feel the need to add that I am in love with celebrity gossip... so this essay is somewhat hypocritical.. its just that for research purposes it was in my benefit to take the con side as opposed to pro....

Top 5 Tuesday

Yay! It's time for another edition of Top 5 Tuesday over @ Dana's place..! Love this! This week's topic is Favorite places to shop!! I am a shop-a-holic, so this is perfect for me! Listen & Learn, people (or read whatever):

1. Nordstrom's Junior Dept. (A.k.a. BP)- They have the cutest clothes and they are cheaper than the rest of the store (obviously). They can still be kind of pricey, but nothing crazy! I always go here first when I need a special occasion outfit that is not too fancy, but dressy. I also bought a ton of cute clothes here to start off my work wardrobe at the beginning of the summer!
2. American Eagle- I know it's really typical like preppy girl stuff, and sometimes I hate it because so many other people have the same outfit. But there clothes are really cute and it's the only like "preppy store" that I can fit into.. I hate hollister & Abercrombie because their sizes are not realistic & it makes it so frustrating to shop there when everything is tiny.
3. The Impeccable Pig- It's a local store as far as I know, and this is the only website I could find for them, and you can't even buy anything from it. It's a super cute store with lots of cute dresses and tops. It's pretty expensive (like up to $100 for a top or more for a dress), but it's so worth it. I'm in love with everything i've gotten from this store. I bought my graduation dress from here, and I bought a bunch of cute summer tops, and recently some more dresses to wear to work and during rush and stuff.
4. Forever 21- This store I love because it's so afforable, and yet really, really cute! It can be overwhelming to shop here because it's packed with clothes, but if you look for the right stuff, you can usually find some really cute stuff!
5. E-bay- Admit it. You know you love e-bay. They have great deals and actually have a lot of cute, expensive clothes for less. I've bought everything on e-bay from perfume to keychains to purses to clothes. I also use it to sell stuff I don't want anymore. It's great!

Well that concludes today's addition of Top 5 Tuesday! If you want to join (and you know you do) head over to Supernanny Where Are You and link up!

Feeling let down

I mentioned that this weekend was a little dramatic. I have struggled with how exactly to post about this without it being a word-for-word recap and a really long story. So I'm gonna do my best.. I have mentioned my struggles with friendships before. Well, this weekend just confirmed what I already knew, but didn't want to admit... that I really am alone. People who I cared about (and still do, whether I like it or not) proved to me they don't care about me. And as much as I knew that, it still sucks. There's really no other way to put it... it sucks. These people, especially one in particular who I considered "my best friend", have been my friends for 3 years. I mentioned before I was the basketball manager my last 2 yrs of high school, and this allowed me to form amazing bonds with girls on the team.. or so I thought. I am the type of person that always wants to please. I put others needs before mine. I always pay for things, because it makes people happy; I offer to drive everywhere and use my gas, just so other people don't have to. I really go above and beyond for people in my life, because I care. And all I want is for them to care, too. I'm no therapist, but if I had to guess I would say it all boils down to my insecurities. I am insecure with myself, and as a result, I do whatever I can to get people to "like" me. Everyone in my life knows this person isn't good for me, even her own boyfriend has expressed his realization that she "doesn't appreciate me." And I know it's true. I have known for 3 years that she didn't care about me the way I did her. I always had the feeling that our friendship was based on what I can do for her, and her need for me. She always denied it, and I wanted so badly to believe her. Deep down, I knew. I'm not stupid. I just wanted to believe the best, not the worst. I made all kinds of excuses for her- she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents (they are crazy), she doesn't know how to be a good friend, she doesn't know how to have a functional relationship. At the end of the day, though, I was the one crying, not her. I knew... but it still sucks. It sucked to sit on the stairs in my own house this weekend, after a night of arguing with her because of her lack of respect for me, and listen to her talk about me behind my back and say some of the rudest, most hurtful things. And coming from someone who I care so much about, it hurt more than words can say. I am not dwelling. I am going to college in 2 weeks. I don't have to talk to her, or the other 2 friends I was with who were also horrible to me, but it hurts. And this is never how I envisioned spending the last 2 weeks before college.... I am hurt and I am upset. And I don't know what to do... I want to talk to her and find out if she meant the things that she said. But what is the point? For 3 years it has been constant up and down and it's never going to change. I will be ok. I know that. I will make new friends. I know that, too. But for now... it sucks.

Something other than a meme

In case you haven't noticed, I've been struggling, I guess you could say, to find the right words (or any words at all) to post here on my wonderful blog. Well, the good news is ... I am posting something other than a meme. The bad news... it's just bullet points of randomness for now, but with a promise of substantial posts to come! So here goes:

• I have a lot that I want to say because a lot happened this weekend that I think needs to be spoken (err.. written) about. The best part about having a blog (other than connecting w/ new people) is that it can be very therapeutic. This is why I need to talk about what happened this wekeend... I am just struggling with how exactly to do this without a) losing the respect of my fellow bloggy-friends and/or b) writing a post that is just a bunch of whining and complaining... so stay tuned as I figure that out!
• Next- I have to say a huge thank you to everyone who has posted comments giving me advice about the upcoming major changes in my life. I really appreciate all the advice, and if I didn't reply to you.. I'm sorry! I just got distracted, but I appreciated it a lot!
• The count is now down to 15 days... I can hardly believe it.. and I have yet to do any shopping... yeah. Think I should get on that?
• I have been dealing with all this rush stuff, and it's starting to stress me out! I was awakened this weekend @ 10 AM (I know, it's not that early.. but it was my day off!) to some random lady from the Panhellenic Committee (which I've never even heard of before) telling me basically that my resume sucks (in not so many words, but basically) & I need to fix it, fill out something online, find 2 pictures- 1 close up, 1 not, and I don't even know like a million other things I need to do by the next morning. Um... yeah. I have a life.. The sororities at my school are not even that competitive because its a small school, but I'm doing the whole rec. thing as a formality and it's starting to p!$$ me off!
• Since I blabbed about that forever, I'm gonna end there, but I had to share this (tell me it doesn't count as a meme! lol)

65%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating

• Oh yeah, and just to add some comedy... I accidentally signed up for a dating site in the process of taking this quiz.. wow I should really pay more attention to what I'm signing up for... now I'm getting emails like "Meet Hot Guys in Dallas"... great! Because 2 weeks from going to college- the 1st thing on my mind is meeting hot guys... NOT!
• Also I want to give bloggy love to my newest additions to the blog roll: Chelle @ Creative Momma Carol @ Sisiwick Construction Zone Blog of a Broken Man (coming soon to my blog roll!)
• And one more thing.. I guess you can officially say my blogging vacation is over... at least for now.

Get to know me better!

Ok, thanks to Dana again @ Supernanny, Where are You for tagging me!! I'm flattered for the shout out! 4 Places I go over and over

1. Work
2. Home (obviously)
3. Friend's house
4. Gym (almost everyday- I try anyway.)

4 people who e-mail me the most

1. Blogger comment notification
2. Random Spam mail
3. Twitter
4. My trainer

4 of my favorite foods

1. Spaghetti
2. Chicken salad sandwich
3. Tortellini
4. Chicken Caesar salad

4 places I'd rather be

1. sleeping
2. partying
3. somewhere cold
4. Home relaxing.

4 movies I can watch over and over again

1. Breakfast at Tiffany's
2. 27 Dresses
3. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
4. Legally Blonde

4 places I have worked

1. My dad's office (where I currently work and have for the last 3 summers)
2. People's houses (like for baby sitting)
3. .....
4. That's it- sorry I don't have a lot of work experience!

4 places I have lived

1. Raleigh, NC
2. Atlanta, GA
3. Dallas, TX
4. Fulton, MO (starting soon!)

4 tv shows I love

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. One Tree Hill
3. Gossip Girl
4. Secret Life of the American Teenager.

4 places I have vacationed

1. Myrtle Beach, Sc.
2. Winter Park, CO.
3. The Bahamas
4. Cancun, Mexico

4 of my favorite dishes

1. Fettucini Alfredo w/ Shrimp
2. Tortellini w/ alfredo, ham & peas.
3. Spaghetti
4. Baked Ziti.

4 sites I visit daily

1. Blogger
2. facebook
3. twitter
4. g-mail

4 people I tag

1. JenE @ Momma Blog's Alot
2. Broken Man @Blog of a Broken Man
3. Amanda @ Lifelong Playdate
4. Elizabeth @ Mommy, etc.

How Evil Am I....

Thanks to Dana at Supernanny Where Are You for encouraging me to do this.. it was really fun!

I think I may actually have some things to blog about this week... it was a dramatic weekend.

So stay tuned!!

You Are 46% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?