It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times...

So I've been a little MIA this week thanks to something I like to call hell week finals week. Needless to say, I've been a little busy wrapping up the semester. But now? I am DONE! Done with my junior year of college and moving on up to the big role of being a SENIOR! (I think I just had a small heart attack just typing that sentence) So, although I am definitely not bummed that school is out for the summer, I am completely bummed (to say the least) to be leaving my friends and my sorority sisters. It definitely makes this a very bittersweet time.

I say this every year, but seriously time flies! I can't believe that I only have a year left of college. I will never forget pulling up in front of my dorm the first time I got to campus, and thinking I had made a huge mistake. I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces and thought surely this whole college thing wasn't for me. If it were up to me, I would've turned that car around and never looked back! Luckily, some cute boys came up and offered to help me with my stuff and I decided I might like it here after all! And guess what?! I did!

I never thought I would end up going to school in Missouri, and sometimes I wish I didn't.  I can't just drive home whenever I feel like it. Instead of piling all my stuff into my car and driving a couple hours, I am struggling to fit everything into two suitcases that can fly home with me. To get home is a long day of traveling from one place to another.

But it is all worth it because my school is my home now. It's my home away from home, it's a place I look forward to going to and a place I hate to leave. It's where my best friends and my sisters are, and those people mean the world to me!

Junior year, like every other year, has been good and bad. I made some great memories, did some great things but all the while dealing with the sad news that my sister was sick once again. I am truly blessed, however, to be where I was while dealing with the sad news. The best therapy I could possibly ask for is just being with my sisters and my friends. They make me smile and laugh so hard my stomach hurts even when I feel like crying! I'm going to miss them so much this summer!!

The end of the year is always hard; you're packing up your stuff to move home for 3 whole months without seeing most of your friends that whole time. It is a sad time. This year, though, is especially sad for a couple reasons. First of all my best friend graduated today. I can't imagine life at school without her, and saying goodbye was so hard! Second of all, as one of my sorority sisters in my pledge class pointed out, this is the last time that we will leave for summer knowing that we will return in the fall. Next summer, when I move out of Alpha Chi Omega, that's it. It will really be over. It is definitely hard to imagine my college days coming to a close.

As I think about the summer, despite the fact that I am so sad to leave my friends, I know home is where I need to be this summer. It's going to be a rough one for my sister and my family, but I feel blessed that I get to be here. To have this time with them. Not everyone gets the luxury of going home for the summer, so I am remembering to count my blessings for the time I get to spend with my family.

So, right now it is truly the best of times and the worst of times. It is so hard to say goodbye to everyone and think about what I'm going to do without seeing them everyday. But, another semester is behind me and I can finally relax and spend much needed time with my family. As a friend texted me today when I was sad about leaving school:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!" :)

All the great memories that were formed this year! :)

Freshman year 
Sophomore Year 

Grown Up... Who Me?

There are approximately 20 days (give or take) left in my junior year of college. That means in approximately 20 days, I will be a senior in college. Where did the time go?!?! I feel like it was just yesterday I was blogging about my first day here! Anyway, due to this and a few other things that have come up lately, I have become aware of my *ahem* impending status... as a grown up.

Last week in our weekly sorority chapter meeting, our advisor asked all of the juniors to stand up. We did so, thinking we did something awesome and we were going to be bragged about or something. "Look around," she told everyone. We did. "In 20 days, you all will be the seniors of this chapter," she announced as we looked at each other in pretty much disbelief. We were all thinking how did we become the seniors? Weren't we just little freshman getting guided by the seniors? It was a wake up call, to say the least.

We all technically knew we were becoming the seniors soon; we had watched 2 classes of our friends graduate and leave, and we are quickly approaching graduation time where more of our friends will move on with their lives. It's only logical that we are next. But we didn't want to believe it. Didn't want to think that we were so close to having to be grown ups. 

Later in the week, I got an odd phone call. I didn't recognize the number, but I picked up anyway. Turns out it was the dentists office calling to see if I wanted to schedule my next cleaning because I was overdue for one. "That's weird," I told my mom later, recounting the conversation, "Why did they call me and not you?" "Maybe," she told me, "because you're 21 and you're a big girl now." Shoot. I guess I am.

All the sudden, it's all becoming clear to me. I am a grown up. Or at least almost a grown up. A year from now, I will be approaching graduation. From college. And moving home or wherever life takes me. Looking for a job. Being a real life grown up. So technically I have a year before I'm actually a grown up but lately it sure does feel like it's approaching fast. I am becoming more and more of a grown up everyday, whether I'm ready or not!

I am linking up at Mama Kat's Writers Workshop. I used the prompt "The moment I realized I was a grown up."

You Don't Know What You've Got Until It's Gone

You know that saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone"? Like, you can't appreciate all the great things in life until they are taken away from you? Well, that has been on my mind the last couple days since it is sort of how I'm feeling since being back to school. However, I'm making a minor adjustment to that famous phrase. (I apologize to whoever made this quote up, but I am making it my own!) If you ask me? You don't know what you've got until its gone... and then you get it back!!!

When I was at home for break, I didn't really think about school and whether or not I missed it. I was just living in the moment, I guess, enjoying my time with my family. When it came time to come back to school Tuesday, I was apprehensive. I was really sad to leave and I wasn't really sure how I felt about coming back.

Even though a lot of me was sad, part of me was looking forward to going back. It had been a whole month since I had seen or (in most cases) talked to my sorority sisters. And I was ready for that to change. Deep down, I knew once I got back that things would be great!

And I was right; As soon as I got back, I didn't see how I had survived without all these people for a whole month!!! Every new person I saw, it was another fantastic reunion. My little sis, my "god daughter", and another one of our sisters picked me up from the shuttle bus. Just a few minutes before, I was thinking about how sad I was about leaving home. But as soon as I saw them, I just instantly became happier! It was so much fun to see them, to catch up with each others' lives and just to spend time with them again! As I got the sorority house, there were more and more sisters to see, and to catch up with, including my best friend. That was the best reunion of all; to finally see my best friend, to sit on her couch just like always, talking the night away!

At one point last night, I was sitting in the basement surrounded by some of my sisters and best friends, and I thought to myself "This is the life." The more and more time I get to spend with my sisters these last couple days, the happier I am to be here. Whether it's staying up late talking about boys, or sitting in a hospital room because one sister has appendicitis (true story), or just watching a movie; no matter what we are doing being back together makes me realize how much I actually missed these people, whether I knew it before or not.

Even though it sucks to say goodbye to my family, even though I was apprehensive about coming back, once I got back I realized how much I love it here. How much I love my sisters and I am so grateful to have them in my life! Which lead me to my conclusion, you don't know what you've got until it's gone.... and then you get it back. I had to be away from my sisters for awhile and then reunite with them in order to remember how great it is to have sisters! When I was at home, I never realized how much I missed sitting around with my sisters, talking and laughing. But that now that I am doing it again? I can't imagine being anywhere else!!

"It's not just letters, parties and good times. It is a feeling that will never leave you as long as you live. It is a responsibility and a duty to yourself and you sisters. It is an eternal love."

PYHO: My Place in this World

There's an old Taylor Swift song that has always been one of my favorites because I totally and completely related to the lyrics. It's all about feeling lost, and not really knowing what is coming next, and not knowing where your place is in the world (the song is called "A Place in this World"). Some of my favorite lyrics are "Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walkin..." and the end of the chorus is "I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world."

This song resonated with me from the first time I heard it. But up until recently, it spoke to me even more than usual. For a lot of the summer and maybe even some of last semester, I started doubting a lot of the decisions I made in the past few years. I made a lot of important decisions, and fast, and suddenly I was questioning them and if they were right for me. More specifically, where I go to school. I started wondering if I really wanted to be at this school. I started feeling like I was missing something by being at such a small school, like I wasn't having a "real" college experience.

It was hard for me to deal with these feelings, to process them and to figure out what I was supposed to about them. I am a junior in college, it's a little late to change my whole life plan. By the time I finally opened up and spoke about my feelings, I was two weeks away from going back to school and it was too late to do anything about it. I didn't want to tell anyone how I felt because I felt like a failure for feeling that way. And I definitely didn't want to blog about it because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Since I didn't really have a choice, I went back to school for my third year, but with hesitation. I wasn't sure I wanted to be here. I wasn't sure that this was my place in the world. '

However, as I got back into town and started seeing familiar land marks, and got on campus, I started feeling like maybe it would be ok after all. That first night back in town, I went out to meet a few friends who were already in town, and within minutes of sitting there catching up with my friends, I knew. I knew that it was gonna be ok. The last couple weeks here haven't always been easy; there have been tears, and doubt about being here, even times when I was ready to pack up and leave. But eventually those feelings subside, and the feelings that remain are I can't imagine my life without these people, I love the feeling of this campus, I love being here. Those are what matter becaususe they mean more to me than any negative feelings.

Over two years ago when I started searching for colleges, I just knew that when I found the right place for me, I would just know.  Something would click for me, that told me this is where I'm supposed ot be. When I stepped onto this campus for the first time about a month before high school graduation feeling hopeless about finding a school, I got that feeling. I knew this is where I was supposed to be. And two years ago, when I joined Alpha Chi Omega, those feelings multiplied. I am where I am supposed to be. It may not be a Big 10 school with awesome football games, and crazy parties. It may not be a school anyone has ever heard of, but it is my school, and for that I am grateful. I am glad I found my place in this world.

I am linking up today at Shell's place for Pour Your Heart Out!

Are You Excited!? (Re-post)

I am out of town this weekend, and I didn't want my blog to be neglected! This is a post I wrote last year at this same time, and a year later it still rings true (truer than ever, I think). It has been on my mind lately, so I thought I would share it again for those of you who didn't read it the first time! Or even if you did, you can take a walk down memory lane with me!
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"Are you excited!?"

I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?"

This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway.

When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she "fake orgasms". She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way.

This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile and "fake it" so to speak and say "Yes, I'm so excited!"

Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy and excited I'm home and I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there.

So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile and nod my head and maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun...

Today marked the end of my second year of College. That means only 2 more years... and as I sit here at the airport waiting to head home for the summer, I can't help but wonder where has the time gone? 

These past two years have been more than I ever could have imagined. It feels like yesterday I was pulling up at school, and afraid to get out of the car. I asked my parents if we could go back home; I didn't want to go to college after all. Two years later, I am so glad I got out of that car. These past two years have changed my life. I met some of my best friends, I made the decision to join my sorority which turned out to be the best decision I ever made, and I've grown so much as a person.

It hasn't always been easy. There have been more times than I care to admit that I wanted to throw in the towel and quit; give up, and go home. But I've stuck it out and I'm glad I did. This past semester was especially rough with my sisters health issues, and at times I hated being 1000 miles away.  However, if I couldn't be home, there is no where else I would rather be than where I was. I had the best support system, and I had people there for me when I needed them most.

When I think back on the past two years, I am overwhelmed with amazing memories. All the good times; the crazy weekend nights out on the town, our sorority parties, slumber parties in the President's room, laughing so hard we cried and crying so hard we laughed... I could go on forever.

I can't believe it's already been two years... and I can't beleive all that these past two years have brought. If the next two years are anything like the first two, well then I can't wait! Of course being halfway done means getting closer to that dreaded g-word. I'm not even ready to think about that, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I am so thankful for all the memories, for all the friends I've made, for all the good times and even the bad ones, that I've had over the past two years. I can't believe I'm gonna be a junior in college... I guess it's true what they say time flies when you're having fun, and man have I had fun!

A compilation of all the good times over the past two years... because there have been so many, it took a whole collage to properly represent them.

These are the Moments I'll Never Forget.

Last Friday night was my very first exec retreat for my sorority. (For those of you that don't speak "Greek" the exec retreat is where the president and all the VP's plus advisers meet to discuss new ideas for the upcoming semester). I am proud to now be a member of the exec board, serving as the VP Communications. Going into the retreat, I was nervous. Would they like my new ideas? Would they think I'm doing a good job? What will it be like? Well, by the end of the night not only was I no longer nervous but I realized that that night would be one I'll never forget.

Although the night was serious for the most part, when you put a bunch of girls in a room together for a long period of time, you can't expect to not have any fun! There was lots of laughter, lots of funny things said, and many good times shared. I can honestly say I was amazed at how much fun I was having. There is something truly special about a group of powerful women all sharing ideas and brainstroming together and having fun while doing it. I am lucky to be a part of this group of amazing women.

After the serious part of the retreat was over, we stayed up for hours talking. Talking about boys (you're never too old for that!), swapping stories, and talking about why we joined this amazing chapter that we are so lucky to be a part of. As I was sitting there, I realized it didn't matter how tired I was, it didn't matter that it was 3 AM. These are the moments that I know I'll look back on one day and say "I miss that." One day I'll miss staying up late, talking and laughing. I'll miss being able to walk down the hall and see any one of my amazing sisters. I'll miss this...

Luckily, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon and I can only imagine the amount of memories I'll have like this by the time I graduate. As hard as it is being away from my family right now, these amazing women make it easy, and for that I am so lucky.

Blog Neglect

I feel like I've been seriously neglecting my blog, and I kind of have but not as bad as I thought since my last post was Saturday which feels like an eternity ago, but in reality was only a few days ago!

Anyway, I have a good excuse, really I do. This week is rush at Alpha Chi Omega (my sorority), and we are incredibly busy taking part in that and preparing for it. And I'm exhausted. We all are. But this week is super special because we have to focus on what it is that made us join this chapter, what it is that we love about being here, and there couldn't be a better time for me to focus on all of this. I was feeling homesick before I even left home, and then I got back here and it was like we had never left. I found myself giddy at the littlest things about being back here; the way our sorority house smells (it's a good smell unlike some of the frat houses! haha), the walk to the dining hall chatting with sisters, the fact that anytime I need to talk I have 4o+ girls that are just a walk down the hall or down the stairs who will listen at anytime about anything. This really is my second home, and I couldn't have chosen a better one. Which is why I'm so excited to pass that on to incoming students that will hopefully feel the same way at this time next year.

It's crazy to think it was just a year ago that I was on the other side of all this; visiting the different houses, trying to make the right decision. It was scary and exciting all at the same time! Not to mention that all of this was going on as I was adapting to this brand new place. But, it worked out. It was meant to be. This is where I belong. And that makes all the homesickness fade, makes all of the boring nights of summer completely worth it, makes the long trip to get here completely worth it.

So, I won't be around much (most likely at all) for the next week. If you wanna take a trip down memory lane with me, go back and read about my first day of school last year, which will have been a year ago tomorrow. I can't believe how far I've come... Also, I had some pretty fantastic guest posts written for me this time last year as well, so check those out too!

This picture from Bid Day last year (picniked by one of my sorority sisters) says it all: "Every girl needs at least one friend to come to for support... I'm lucky enough to have 65."

"Are You Excited?"

I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?" This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway. When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she fake orgasms. She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way. This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile & "fake it" so to speak & say "Yes, I'm so excited!" Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy & excited I'm home & I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there. Like I said here and here and probably 10 other times, I am lucky to be at a school where I'm happy. So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile & nod my head & maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!

23 Days: A Year Later

A year ago, I wrote this post entitled 23 days about how close I was to making that final step in the transition from high school to college, and how scary that is. Now, a year later, I am back at that mile stone; the 23 days mark. (actually, a little bit past that, but work with me, people!) The overwhelming feeling, although I have many others too, is I can't believe I'm back here already! I remember writing that post so well. I remember those feelings of being unsure of what the future will hold for me. I remember being scared of those friendships that I had at the time, and what would happen to them? And now, a year later, it feels weird. In my post last year, I mentioned a get-together with students & alumns from Dallas that go to William Woods. Yesterday, I was back there again, only this time I was the one with the answers, with the advice for those new students feeling probably a lot like I did a year ago. That is weird. It definitely went by fast; it feels like yesterday I was writing this post about school ending. I remember that feeling of sadness the whole week before school let out. I remember wondering how I would ever survive the summer without my friends! Those friendships I was once so scared of losing have been lost, but replaced with better ones. I am lucky to be going back to a place I love and to people I love, even though I am leaving behind other people I love as well. Part of me is sad. I have had a great summer & have been blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with my family & strengthen those bonds. I'm going to miss them a lot, but I know I'll see them soon. Part of me is also scared. There is a lot at stake this semester... to be honest my grades weren't great at the end of the year. So non-great in fact, that if they aren't great or at least better this year, I'm basically screwed. Which is scary, of course. I want to believe I can do it, I'm capable of so much more than what I have done so far, but it's hard not to play the "what if" game. What if I can't do it? What if I try, and fail? Also, going back brings out some insecurities. Will they still like me?! Will they think know I got fatter? And, the hardest part for me is the back & forth. I like my comfort zones, & I don't like leaving them! But, I am doing my best not to focus on that, and instead focus on the things I am excited for, the things I have missed. My friends and sorority sisters, of course. Shower parties! Meeting and befriending new people. Partying (not too much of course!), and lots more. I know that it won't take hardly any time at all for me to feel comfortable again, and it will be like we never left! I have said it before, and I'll say it again! I am so lucky to be at a place I love & to have found friends I love. This is the most important thing, because above all else, I love where I go to school & I really love my friends & sorority sisters, so I know going back to school will be great despite all the insecurities & worries & whatever else! I just can't believe it's already been a year!

Something Unpredictable That In the End is Right...

When I was searching for the right words to sum up my freshman year of college, this song ("Good Riddance" by Green Day) all of the sudden popped in my head. This quote from the song was on our sorority Bid Day shirts a few years back (one of the seniors "willed" me theirs this year since they were graduating), they said "It's something unpredictable, that in the end is right... I hope you have the time of your life!". The more I thought about this, the more I realized Green Day summed it up perfectly for me. These words describe my freshman year of college better than any words I could write myself. Something unpredictable? Definitely true. I was going to a school where I didn't know anyone, and halfway across the country for that matter. I didn't even know anyone in the state! I had no idea how it would turn out. Would I make friends? Would I like being so far from home? There was so much unknown, so much that was unpredictable. However, like the song says... In the end it's right. This definitely rings true for me. I couldn't have asked for a better college experience (except maybe academically but that's on me & it's not what this post is about!), and for that I am so grateful. I have met some of my best friends this year. I have learned a lot about being on my own and about myself in general. I really believe this year changed my life for the better, and I'm sure it can only get better from here. The crazy thing is how fast it went by. It feels like just yesterday I was unsure of what the future holds. It feels like yesterday my mom was crying saying goodbye to me as they were leaving me at school. Everyone told me freshman year was the worst year. "You'll be so homesick." "School is hard; they try to weed out the less serious ones" I was homesick maybe once or twice, and it was mostly when I was sick and wanted my mom. One quote I found (on a bumper sticker on facebook, no less) comes to mind: "You leave your family to go to college, and then you leave your family to go home." This is so true, while I left my family at home & went to college on my own, I created a new family. Made up of fantastic friends and amazing people, and for that I am so blessed. It's not to say that it was all roses and rainbows. I have had my share of ups and downs this year, for sure. But overall, I had a great year, and I miss it already! Like the song says, It's something unpredictable, that in the end is right... I hope you had the time of your life. I am lucky enough to say I had the time of my life, and in the end it was definitely right!

School's Out (Almost)

It's that time of year... school's almost out. I heard someone use this phrase (School's out) the other day, and it got me thinking... it's funny how that term has changed meaning so much this past year. When I was younger hearing those words was cause for celebration, even a high school musical-esque celebration. School's out were the words we all waited to hear, counting down the days until there's only 100 days left of school, now only so many weeks, and then school's out! That meant freedom, it meant sleeping in late, pool parties, slumber parties, and so much more! No homework, no worries, no nothing! While all of the above benefits apply (and then some), I can't say that this year I am happy to hear the words "school's out." This means that I am leaving my comfort zone, and heading back home. I won't see my friends and my sorority sisters for 3 whole months. And worse than that, some of them are graduating or transferring next year! This year has been life changing for me. I've met amazing people who I hope will always be in my life. I'm gonna miss it here so much... even the little things. I'm gonna miss driving around town, making late night trips to McDonalds. I'm gonna miss my favorite frat house, where I've met some of my best friends. I'm gonna miss my room, laying in bed watching shows online. I'm gonna miss Saturday and Sunday mornings when I have 5 of my sisters in my room and we are all discussing the nights before. I'm gonna miss getting ready all together, and going out to party. I'm gonna miss it all. I don't like change. Even if it's just temporary. I know the summer will go by fast. I know when we get back it will be like we never left. But I don't want to leave. I want to just fast forward to the fall, when we are all reunited. And I can't stop thinking about those people who won't be here... some of my closest friends won't be here next year, and that really sucks. I'm trying to cherish these last few days, and enjoy the time I have with people, but I can't shake this feeling of sadness...

College Student's Heaven?!

I twittered (tweeted? whatever!) about this earlier, but just in case you didn't get the memo.... This is literally the first thing I saw when I walked into WalMart today. (sorry for the bad quality picture, it was taken on my phone!) Now please... tell me this is not a college students idea of heaven! Could there be any more alcohol?!?! (I'm channeling Chandler from Friends with that statement in case you didn't catch that...) It is even complete with a jumbo pack of ping-pong balls... um beer pong, anyone?! If only I were 21... and made of money! I would buy this all!! Thank you, WalMart... since seeing this today, I can't get margarita's off my mind! I hope you're happy....

Kissing My Big Fat Blog Ass Goodbye!

TenaKim is on a mission... to get skinny! This is a mission I fully support because it's been a mission of mine for years, with some moderate success... and a lot of failing! Each week, we will blog about our progress and be brutally honest about our successes and failures! So I suppose I will start with why I decided to go along with this mission (besides the fact that Tena came up with a kick-ass name & a really cute button!). I'm sure you all have heard of the freshman 15... yeah try freshman 20. Ok, so maybe it's not that bad... but I honestly refuse to weigh myself. The last time I weighed myself was over Christmas break on the wii Fit & I think it was something like 175. I'm 5'3... so that's not a good weight! According to the Wii Fit I'm "In Danger of Being Overweight", which if you ask me, is actually a nice way of putting it because I would've told you I am overweight. And while I can blame it on the whole it's my freshman year, every freshman gains the freshman 15 thing... I have honestly struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember... and I'm only 19. I have had a couple successes in the past, I worked hard to work out and eat healthy and I manged to lose a significant amount of weight. I was proud of myself, I felt good. But it was so much easier to slack off than it was to stick with it. Especially once I got to school, there were so many excuses: no time, no energy, new place I don't know where anything is (especially the gym), no one to work out with and worst of all free (at least to me not to my parents ha).. the list goes on and on! Bottom line: I lack motivation and perserverance even though I desperately want to be skinny! My highest weight was somewhere between 190 and 195 I think... and I managed to lose a good 20 lbs and get down to 163 my 1st semester of my senior year. Since then, I've been a slacker and gained back not all, but a lot of my weight! Honest truth time... in case you don't believe me I'm fat 'cuz I know some of you won't! Here's me: Let's examine, shall we?

• Fat stomach? Check
• "Muffin top" check
• Double chin? check
• Huge arms? (not in a good way!) Check
• Fat thighs? Check.

I could keep going, but I think you get the point... So what am I gonna do about it? I'm glad you asked! Here are the things that have got to go and have got to happen if I'm going to lose weight:

• No more drunken 3 AM eating! So bad to sleep on all those calories...
• Healthy choices! No more soda, cookies, candy, pizza, etc.
• Only light beer! (sorry I can't give up beer altogether... I'm in college!)
• Sign up for the gym! The YMCA in town is only $15/month with no fee to sign up, and my mom already approved it! Now I just have to go!

So my goal is to lose 15 lbs in 5 weeks... 3 lbs a week is reasonable right? TenaKim lost 3 lbs already this week! 5 weeks is Spring Break, and I'm going to Panama City with my friends. The thought of wearing a bikini makes me want to vomit... that's gotta change! Want to join me and other fellow bloggers in our quest to get skinny and healthy!? Head over to Tenakim's blog and join us in kissing our big fat blog asses goodbye!!

Straight from my brain to the blog!

So I have a lot of random thoughts I feel I should share on here, but are not worth making a whole post out of each one, so it's time for my favorite bulleted list of random thoughts... I should really make this like a weekly thing, I do it a lot. (Wow was that a run on sentence or what?! )

• 1st of all... thank you so much for all your sweet compliments on my post yesterday! You guys are too kind, really! I swear I didn't post that just to fish for compliments ;)
• Also I really need to write my post about my beer pong injuries! Beer pong is a very dangerous game let me tell you! I tried to write it the other day but I was having serious writers block... ironic I know, but I can't figure out how to explain it!
• I also have quite a few other posts in the works, I'm pretty excited about them, I just need to write/finish them.. that's the hard part!
• This week started my 2nd semester as a college student! So far I like all my classes and I really like my schedule because I don't have class until 1 on Friday's (and Monday's & Wednesday's) which means PARRTAAYY on Thursday! lol It's a huge party night here & last semester I had class at 9, so I had to miss out a lot :( That is when I'm not studying, of course!
• I am completely in love with Real Housewives of Orange County! I'm so glad McMommy started a whole blog about it! As soon as I watch the show I immediately head over there to read her hilarious re-caps & theories!
• Since it seems to be the trend to start a 2nd blog, I might just have to about all my TV addictions, because when I am watching all these shows I just feel the need to speak my mind! haha I don't know if I'll do it... I'll see if I still want to in a couple weeks!
• I am so behind in my blog reading! My reader is currently almost at 700!! Can you believe it?!? I don't know how I got so behind! I am tempted to press that Mark all as read button... but I don't want to miss something! Maybe I can catch up this weekend...

I think that's about it! Hopefully I'll put up a real post tomorrow! Thanks for bearing with me & my randomness :)

Comfort Zones

I am a strong believer that everyone has a comfort zone. You know that place where you just feel so right and nothing could change that!? Well I am one of those people that hates to be taken out of my comfort zone. I like comfort, I like the feeling it has, I like feeling like I belong somewhere. I am such a fan of my comfort zone that I don't even like vacations really, because I'm not sleeping in my own bed and I'm in a strange place, etc. Well this break from school has just reinforced all this for me... except I now have 2 comfort zones and it's hard/weird to go back and forth between the two. School was and has been my comfort zone since I started there. I feel comfortable there, and I feel like its my home away from home. So at first when I came to my real home, it was weird. I didn't feel home, I felt like I was visiting a familiar place but I didn't really feel home anymore. Then as time went on I got more and more comfortable and this became my home again. Now, just as I started to feel comfortable again and like I belong, I have to leave my comfort zone again and go back to school. Sure I'm excited to see my friends. Yes, I've missed them. Sure, it will be nice and I know it will go back to being my comfort zone again soon. But it's still kind of sad, and scary. This break has been so long I kind of got used to being home again. Now I have to go back, and it's like going to school for the 1st time all over again, only less scary. Sure, there are definite perks: no curfew, no one bugging you about things like where your going, what your doing, who your with, etc. But still... I'll miss my friends here, and of course I'll miss my family. I wish I had spent more time with them. It's sad because I don't know for sure when I'll be back, it might be the summer which is in 6 months. I know school will be great, I love where I go to school and I have no doubt that it will take no time to once again become my comfort zone, but it is still not fun to leave your comfort zone.

Can't Believe I Didn't Blog About This Sooner!

A non-break up related post!! Woo for me trying to move on! I was over at Mrs. Newlywed's site today, and was reminded of her awesome contest about your biggest misadventure of 2008! At first, I didn't enter because I didn't think I had any misadventures, at least not funny or interesting one's. Then, today, a light bulb came on and I couldn't believe I hadn't told this story yet! So one night, a couple weeks ago, my best friend in my sorority house and I decided we should take an adventure. It was like midnight or somewhere around there, but we are young & in college & we didn't care! So my friend decides we should smoke flavored cigars, and I agreed... so we go to the gas station to buy cigars & decide we should drive around town smoking. Well, I don't know if you've ever smoked cigars and accidentally inhaled, but it can give you quite a buzz! We were having a great time... we couldn't stop laughing, and at one point my friend had to pull over because she felt like she was driving under the influence! Anyway, we called one of our guy friends who heard about our adventure, so we decided to invite him. So we go over to his fraternity house at the other college in town and pick up him and his roommate. They decide we should go to Taco Bell, so we do, and then we decide we'll just drive around town some more and smoke, and they can eat their taco bell. So it's a small town... there's not far to drive, so we go down this one road that pretty much has nothing on it, so my friend turns on her brights because it was a long road & it was hard to see. Well, we were lead to the highway going to Jeff City, a major city outside of town and we didn't want to go on a road trip like that, so we turn around. Well, after a few minutes when we turn around, my friend gets pulled over. Turns out she forgot to turn off her brights, and its illegal when you're approaching a car to have your brights on. Let me just say the cops here in town have a reputation for not being so nice. This was my 1st experience with them, and I would say that statement is pretty true. The cop stops us, and tells her why she was pulled over, asks for not only her ID, but all of our ID's. So we give it to him. Of course, my friend can't find her insurance so we spend 10 minutes looking for the insurance, and then finally we find it and give it to the officer. After stalling for what seems like forever, the cop comes over and asks my friend who was driving to get out of the car. By this time, two more police cars and officers have showed up. So the cop talks to my friend and asks her if any of us have been drinking tonight (we hadn't), and she answers honestly that she and I haven't but she doesn't know if the guys have because we just picked them up. He goes on to tell her that he smelled beer in her car, and has she had beer in the car recently? She tells him she has never had beer in the car. She points out that one of the cigars we were smoking was wine flavored, maybe that's why it smells like alcohol? So, one of the other officers that showed up proceeded to go over and pick up one of the cigars we had thrown on the ground (more on that later), broke it in half, sniffed it & claimed they didn't smell anything fruity in it... Then the officer comes over and asks me to step out of the car, and go stand by my friend. He asks me if I've been drinking tonight. I say no. He asks me if my friends have been drinking and I can honestly answer no since we discussed it once our friend got asked to get out of the car, and say no. So he asks me if he gets them out of the car, and find out that they have been drinking, if he can arrest me too. I say yes, because I was 100% sure they hadn't been drinking unless they were lying to me. AT this point, I'm freaking out a little... I just told an officer he could arrest me! I think about who I would call if I were in jail- my (now ex) boyfriend? Well I don't know if I want him to think of me as the kind of girl who gets arrested... my parents? Well, what are they going to do all the way from TX? Someone in our sorority house... who? Then the officer asks me more questions... about the cigars we were smoking. He asks me if I was smoking, I say yes. Then he asks me if I threw it out the window. I say yes, because I got nervous when they pulled us over & so I threw mine out the window! Not smart. He then asks me if I was aware that its a $500 fine for littering... and my response?? Are you serious?!?! (I don't do well under pressure... I was nervous!) He then says "Why would I joke about that?" Me: "Umm... well I didn't know that, sorry." Officer: You didn't know that throwing something out the window was littering..?" me: "Well... I didn't know cigars counted!" Yeah, I can sound real dumb when I'm nervous!! Then the officers asked the guys to get out of the car, so they did, and a different officer talked to each of them. It went something like this: Officer: Have you been drinking tonight? Boy 1: No sir... Officer: When was the last time you slept? Boy 1: Um... Last night. Officer: How much did you sleep? Boy 1: I don't know... 8 hours? Then the officer asked him at least twice where he was coming from, and what he was doing out, and several times if he had been drinking. The conversation with boy 2 was even more bizarre... Officer: Where are you coming from? Boy 2: Westminster College... Officer: When was the last time you got high? Boy 2: Um... never. Officer: Are you always this nervous? Boy 2: I'm not nervous. Officer: Well you're shaking, why are you nervous? Boy 2: Its 30 degrees outside, and I'm wearing shorts. I'm shaking because I'm really cold! Officer: Why would you do that? Boy 2: Um I don't know it was warm earlier today. Finally, after at least 20 minutes of interrogating us, and making us stand outside in the cold and think that we could be getting arrested... they finally let us go without a ticket or anything. I think it's pretty safe to say this was definitely a misadventure!

Moral Window

I remember in one of our orientation seminars, they had us write down like 15 or something values we feel are most important to us. Then we had to throw 2 away, then more, then more, and then more until you were only left with one. They told us the point of this exercise was that college challenges your values and your morals, and you'll basically be put in positions that make you question your morals, and you end up having to possibly throw them out the window. I knew this was probably true, but I've always been really strong about my values, specifically what I will and won't do. It's always been I will not do drugs ever and I won't have sex until I'm in a serious relationship. That's just the way it's been, and I stuck to that, and thought that if challenged, I wouldn't change my mind. But over time, curiosity set in. So many people talked about it, and I wanted to know what it was like, blah blah blah. Well you know how they say curiosity killed the cat? Yeah... I think I agree with that. Nothing good comes from curiosity. It leads you to making the wrong decision... This weekend I made the wrong decision. I won't say what I did, because I can't. 1. My family reads or could read this blog. 2. I'm ashamed. So you can read between the lines... I said I didn't regret what I did, and I didn't think I did. But that's because I thought I stopped it before it could have serious effects. Apparently, I was wrong. Apparently, other people it involved are concerned. I never thought I would be in this position... you plan your life, you know? You accept that you'll make some mistakes. But you always in the back of your mind promise yourself you'll never make that mistake. This weekend, I got carried away. I made that mistake. Yes, there was alcohol involved which we all know clouds your judgement- 1st mistake. I accept responsibility for what I did, and just have to go on with the learned the hard way philosophy.. and hope that nothing serious comes of this.

Update

I'm gonna make this sweet & short... I'm trying to get my awards ceremony post done to finally post today! And I have a lot of other stuff to talk about, so I don't even know where to start! I'm sorry for the lack of posts lately, I've just been at a loss for what to say, you know? And then when I do know what to say, I have to actually concentrate and type out what I'm trying to say. Anyway, thank you so much for all the feedback on my last post. I still haven't really decided what to do.. for now we're just talking as friends, and we haven't hung out since I wrote the post, which I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. Anyway, there's a new guy on the horizon, so hopefully that will turn into something... we'll see. Yeah so there was something big that happened this weekend, and I think I'll write about it, but I'm slightly hesitant because its not something I'm sharing with my family, and I don't want them to read it.... why did I give out my blog address again?! lol ugh! I am in the process of trying to clean my room... it is next to impossible. It is amazing how much clutter can build up in such a small room. I took before pictures, and will take after pictures if it ever gets clean just to show you how bad it really is! So yeah, that's basically it. I just wanted to update you on the situation with that 1 guy, and hopefully there will be something to tell soon about the new guy! Thanks again for all the amazing advice and feedback, it really helped! I wasn't at all offended by anything you said, so don't worry about that! It's great to have such a support system :) I tried to reply to every comment the best I could, but I couldn't reply if your e-mail isn't set up with your account, so make sure you do that! Just a friendly bloggy reminder! hehe *If you don't know how to do this see here or here just to name a couple!

My girl/guy theory

So I was talking to this guy the other day, and he said something that stuck with me for awhile because I never really thought about it until now. He told me that he had girl problems, blah blah, and the one thing he said that stuck with me ever since (well it's only been like a little over a week, but still) is "Nice guys always finish last". Now I try to be an optimist (although my friends laughed hysterically when I called myself "positive Patrice" the other day so I guess I'm not very successful at it), so I immediately told him he was wrong! I told him I would much rather date/talk to a sweet guy than some jerk who treats me like nothing! He told me I was rare. I thought this was a very depressing way of looking at things! I guess I've heard that some girls like bad boys or whatever, but still! I guess I buy into the whole hard-to-get thing to a certain extent, because honestly it does kind of make me want them more, but as far as dating I would much rather date a sweet guy and not a jerk! Well, after a lot of thinking I have decided that nice girls finish last, too. So I guess I am cynical and whatever, but it's my theory and I'm sticking to it! For as long as I can remember, ever since I've had crushes on guys, I have always gotten the friend line: "you're a great friend... but I just don't see you as my girlfriend." Now, I pride myself on being a good friend. I will go above and beyond to make sure I am the best friend I can possibly be, so I am glad people recognize that I'm a good friend. However, I don't want to be every one's friend. I want to be someones girlfriend, too. Why is it that because I'm nice and because I'm a good friend, that makes me like un-dateable or something? So if I were a bitch you would want me to be your girlfriend is that it? If I treated you like nothing, would you like that? I doubt it. So what's the compromise? Hot sometimes, cold other times? I don't like playing games. I want to be myself, and some guy should like me for that. But apparently that's not good enough. My non-skinny, average looking at best, nice self is not what guys want. So here's my theory with the help of my friend John*: Nice guys and girls apparently always finish last. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent (well I wouldn't really call him innocent but whatever)