7.8.10

Are You Excited!? (Re-post)

I am out of town this weekend, and I didn't want my blog to be neglected! This is a post I wrote last year at this same time, and a year later it still rings true (truer than ever, I think). It has been on my mind lately, so I thought I would share it again for those of you who didn't read it the first time! Or even if you did, you can take a walk down memory lane with me!
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"Are you excited!?"

I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?"

This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway.

When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she "fake orgasms". She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way.

This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile and "fake it" so to speak and say "Yes, I'm so excited!"

Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy and excited I'm home and I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there.

So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile and nod my head and maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!

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4 comments:

Twin XL said...

I totally relate to this. My dad recently asked me if I was excited to go back to school...I told him 'no'....he wasn't happy at all with my honesty :)

Amanda said...

I'm absolutely ready to go back to school. I really think the fact that I have my own apartment that is 10 minutes from school makes it easier...I wouldn't be ready to move but I'm definitely ready for classes to start!

Jessica said...

You're so much better than me. I don't fake smile and I don't fake excited well at all.

I usually bust out with, "Um...not at all. I'm ready to graduate, but if I could just skip right to that part, it would be GREAT."

Lexi said...

Patrice I used to feel the exact same way! It's totally normal! It's not easy being in limbo, bouncing back and forth.

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