Are You Excited!? (Re-post)

I am out of town this weekend, and I didn't want my blog to be neglected! This is a post I wrote last year at this same time, and a year later it still rings true (truer than ever, I think). It has been on my mind lately, so I thought I would share it again for those of you who didn't read it the first time! Or even if you did, you can take a walk down memory lane with me!
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"Are you excited!?"

I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?"

This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway.

When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she "fake orgasms". She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way.

This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile and "fake it" so to speak and say "Yes, I'm so excited!"

Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy and excited I'm home and I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there.

So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile and nod my head and maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!

Goodbyes: Not Easier the Second Time

If you would have asked me at the beginning of this summer if I would be sad to leave home and go back to school, I probably would have laughed at you. "Yeah, right," I would have said, "I can't wait to go back." But now that it's actually real... I'm an emotional wreck! Thursday was my last day of work, and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye because I had to rush off to get my hair cut & colored (more on that later, for now see pic here!). So yesterday I went back to see everyone before I left this morning. I've been lucky enough to work at my dad's office the past four summers answering phones & doing other odd jobs. My dad has worked for the company, which was started by his uncle so includes a lot of family members, since I was 1 year old. So a lot of these people I now work with are like my second family; they've watched me grow up. And the others, i've worked with them with several years now, so they've become really good friends! After I left from saying goodbye today, I started tearing up. "What is wrong with me?" I thought. This is not normal! Sure, last year the goodbyes were hard because I didn't know when I would be back, and there was so much unknown. But this year, I have more to look forward to. I'm going back to my sorority sisters & some of my best friends! I shouldn't be sad about that! But I can't seem to shake the feeling of being sad. And it is a familiar feeling; it's the same feeling I had when I was leaving school. So you would think I would be happy to get back there, and it's not that I'm not, but I'm sad, really sad to leave and to say goodbye. And those goodbyes today were only the first; today is another day of more goodbyes. Saying goodbye to my dad and to my sister, and a couple days after that my mom. The other night, in the middle of the night, I started thinking about these goodbyes that were so close & I cried! And those were just the first tears. There were many more to come and still will be I'm sure. It's a weird feeling, this whole leaving thing. As I was packing up my stuff this morning getting ready to go, I felt like I was just going on another trip. That I would be back in a week, or two weeks. But the truth is I don't know when I'll be back maybe in a month maybe in 3, maybe more. And when I think about that truth, the tears come again!

In the end, when I really think about it, I suppose that this is a good thing. Even though the sadness sucks, the fact that I am sad leaving both places means I'm happy both places, and for that I'm so lucky. I'm lucky that I have a great family I don't want to leave. And I'm lucky I have great friends at a great school I also don't want to leave. It's just the goodbyes that kill me... so from now I'll just go with "see you soon," because I know I will. It's not like it's goodbye forever! I just might shed a few tears in between those see you soon's...

Trips, hackers, alcohol & some other stuff- Friday Freewrite

I found this awesome new blogger who hosts Friday Freewrites & since I'm out of town this weekend & blogging via iPhone I figured this sounded like the perfect post for me today! So this weekend I'm visiting Rough Creek Lodge in Glenrose, TX for my dads company picnick & in a moment that couldn't be explained as anything other than temporary insanity, I left my laptop at home. So here I sit, blogging via iPhone wishing I had either a)stayed at the lodge (we're staying in the owners house down the road) with my dad & basically every other male member of my family like my uncle & cousins etc & convinced the bar tender to give me some drinks or b) brought my laptop!! Or both. Thank god for iPhones! Speaking of drinks we had a nice family dinner & the waitor asked me if I'd Like a cocktail. Naturally I said yes & ordered my favorite: a margarita! Then the waitor informed me they have a very nice margarita special. It's made with patron & grand marnier. I naturally said "I'll take it!" my review? I've actually had better. It wasn't that fantastic but definitely still good. Anyway remember how much I love trips & how they usually go so well for our family?! Well our road trip out here today was scheduled to take about an hour and a half. Well some geniuses (my dad & grandpa) set the navigation system to take the long way & we ended up taking all the back roads & driving through oak cliff. That was not in the original directions. So our trip ended up taking about 3 hours. Oh well at least we got a nice view of all the back roads! Ha as my dad said "I've always wanted to see what oak cliff looked like!" So apparently the world almost ended yesterday. I mean a hacker tried to take down Twitter facebook & google (& apparently livejournal but who cares about that?! Lol). That couldve been the end to social media as we know it! That would be scary! I may be misinformed (wouldn't be the first time) but I heard it all started with one blogger that the hacker was trying to take out. How much would it suck to be that blogger?! You would need one hell of an apology post, that's for sure! Can you imagine the hate mail you would get?! Like "how dare you cause Twitter to shut down! I had no one tell all the important stuff on my mind to! And as if Twitter wasn't enough you had to try to take down google facebook & livejournal too?! I hope youre happy!" glad I'm not that blogger (really I'm not!"). So this is my last weekend before going back to school. Pretty crazy. After video chatting with a few of my sorority sisters the other night I was a little More excited to go back. Something about seeing their faces again & catching up on stuff made me really ready to get back to staying up late & chatting & laughing. It will be really great to see everyone again. Well I'm about out of things to say for now so until next time, people!

"Are You Excited?"

I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?" This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway. When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she fake orgasms. She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way. This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile & "fake it" so to speak & say "Yes, I'm so excited!" Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy & excited I'm home & I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there. Like I said here and here and probably 10 other times, I am lucky to be at a school where I'm happy. So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile & nod my head & maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!