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Pour your heart out could not fall on a better day this week. I really need to pour my heart out.

This has been a week. One of those weeks that feels like it should be over by now because I'm over it. Where do I even start?

My sister went into the hospital over the weekend because she was in so much pain she could barely walk. So they needed to give her pain meds through an IV, and figure out a new pain management plan and a new chemo plan and all that. So basically they've been in the hospital all week (which I realize is not that long since it's only Wednesday but like I said, feels like forever ago because this has been a long week) meeting with doctors and stuff.

This weekend is Mom's weekend at my sorority. It is a super fun weekend where everyone's moms come up, we do a brunch and an auction and just get to spend quality time with our moms. Last year, my mom couldn't come because Anna was in the middle of chemo and everything and the timing just wasn't right. I missed her a lot, but a super sweet mom of a friend "adopted" me for the weekend so I wouldn't be alone. Which was great, but not like having my mom here.

This year, Anna was supposed to off chemo this week and the timing was perfect for my mom to come for the weekend. I've been looking forward to this forever. I know I just saw her a couple weeks ago for Spring Break and I went home a few weeks before that, so it's not like it's been forever since I've seen her but this weekend is special, and no matter how many times I go home it's not the same as having my mom here. Here to see all my friends. To meet the ones she hasn't yet (like my little sis) and to spend alone time with just me. When I'm home, usually there's a lot going on like Anna's not feeling well or something and we just don't get to spend much time just the two of us. That's what I was looking forward to the most this weekend.

Turns out, it's not happening. Again. On Monday, when my mom said they would be in the hospital a few more days my heart dropped because I just knew this would happen. On the weekend that belonged to me. It was my turn to spend quality time with my mom. "You're still gonna come, right?" I asked her Monday even though I had a feeling it was wishful thinking. All week, I battled this sadness that was overcoming me and tried to stay positive. "It might still work out," I told myself. "I know she's gonna try her hardest to come." "It's just a day to day thing, we don't know what's going to happen."

Today, I couldn't do it anymore. I tried calling her all day and when I got a text saying they were moving rooms at the hospital, I knew they weren't leaving the hospital anytime soon. I knew my plans for the weekend were ruined. I couldn't help it; I lost it. And once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I was (and am) upset. Upset that my mom wasn't coming. Upset that my sister was in the hospital. Upset that I couldn't get a hold of my mom when I wanted. Upset that nothing was the way it should be. This isn't how life is supposed to be. There's not supposed to be hospital stays and unknowns and dammit, if my mom wants to come up for a weekend she should be able to.

I just want things to go back to normal. I want to live a normal life where we never see my sister because she's 17 and is always with her friends. (I don't mean the never see her part offensively but 17 year olds typically aren't home much) A normal life that doesn't involve hospitals. A normal life that doesn't involve cancer. And I know I'm not alone in wishing this, I'm just throwing myself a pity party because I was so excited to spend time with my mom, and I'm tired of being disappointed.

Maybe I'm being selfish by being upset. Because I'm not the one in the hospital and I'm not the one with cancer. My life is really not that bad compared to fighting cancer. I realize that. But it sucks when you're looking forward to something so much and then it doesn't happen. I don't blame my sister for being sick or taking attention away from me. I don't blame my mom for staying with her. I'm just upset at the situation, and every time someone says "I can't wait to see my mom this weekend," I want to burst into tears right then and there.

I also feel bad being upset because I don't want to make my mom upset. She has enough to deal with and I don't want her to worry about me too. I wouldn't even tell her why I was upset when she called today because I don't want to be a burden. But I am sad. Because there is nothing that can replace spending a weekend just the two of us...

On the bright side (I feel like I need to put a positive spin on this so it doesn't sound like poor, poor me. I have such a hard life), I get to go home for Easter, which will be nice. And there is a chance my godmother will be here to take my mom's place which would make me so happy. So it's not all bad, but no matter what I will miss my mom a lot this weekend.

So, for now, I am sulking. And self medicating with chocolate. And pouring my heart out. For now.

 I am linking up at Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

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Make A Wish Monday: 2nd Edition!

Make-A-Wish Foundation I am so glad I got a lot of positive feedback about Make A Wish Monday. Like I said, I just have the up-most respect for the Make-A-Wish Foundation and I am so honored to have the chance to help spread the word about some of the wishes they have granted. Of course they have granted millions of wishes, so I'm only telling a small portion of their wishes through Make A Wish Mondays! Make sure you check out their website to read even more of their wishes!

One of the things I loved about the website when I was perusing for this weeks wish story was their "Where Are They Now" section. It's one thing to read about this really awesome wish that someone was granted, but it's even better to hear that they are healthy today! As I mentioned before, this is my biggest wish for my sister so it's encouraging to hear that! That's why this week I chose to feature one of the "Where Are They Now" stories.

Meet Jonathon. His wish granted way back in the day in 1993! (Fun fact in 1993, I was 3, and my sister was born in 1993!) His wish was to play golf with Chi Chi Rodriguez, and the Make-A-Wish Foundation made it happen! When asked why he chose this wish Jonathon said " I loved watching Chi Chi Rodriguez play golf. He was always so carefree and happy. He seemed like he thoroughly enjoyed life. Every time he played in a tournament, he would grab two kids from the crowd as he walked down the eighteenth fairway, one under each arm, and talk to them like they were the last two people on earth. I always thought how lucky those kids were to spend a couple minutes with Chi Chi. I couldn’t think of anything better than spending a few hours playing golf with such a fantastic person." Here he is with Chi Chi.

Jonathon had just finished his last round of chemo when he went to play golf with Chi Chi, and he vividly remembers Chi Chi looking him in the eye and telling him he could be whatever he wanted to be. "Hearing that from someone I admired so deeply really hit home," Jonathon told Make-A-Wish,  "I knew he was right and from that moment since I’ve always pursued my dreams as if they would one day be a reality."
Today, Jonathon had been in remission for 15 years and has no major long term side effects from the chemo. The doctors told him he would never be able to have kids because of the side effects, but he and his wife have 2 kids! Even better, today Jonathon works for the Make-A-Wish Foundation as the advancement and outreach director for the Make-A-Wish chapter in San Antonio! Jonathon speaks so highly of the Make-A-Wish Foundation explaining "Make-A-Wish is my life! It is a passion that is near and dear to my heart. In 1993 someone adopted my wish and made one heartfelt wish come true. Now, it is my job to return the favor to each and every child in San Antonio battling a life threatening medical condition. Someone did it for me, and it changed my life forever." 

I love Jonathon's story. It is truly such an inspiration to everyone fighting a life threatening disease. I would have loved to include every part of Jonathon's Q&A with Make-A-Wish, but it was long so make sure you go check it out for your self! 

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