Why is it so easy for you to be mad at me, but not at him... It's so easy for you to be mad at everyone else for the littlest things. He gets away with everything and it's not fair to those of us who actually care about you. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for and you are capable of so much more.. all I want for you is to realize that you don't need him. But you don't realize and you are crippled by your fear of being without him and having no one. What you don't see is that you do have people that care for you other than him. And in the process of being so consumed by him, you're pushing us away. I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to you next year being separated from him, but still so close. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to you if he breaks up with you... and this time for good. I'm afraid you're letting go of your dreams and your hopes for the future, to only focus on his needs and wants and dreams. I'm afraid that you've dug a hole for yourself so deep, there may be no way out... I wish you would just realize. Just admit he's not the one for you. You will be okay, eventually. Even without him...

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So last week I was on vacation, right? I don't know about you, but when I am on vacation I'm not obsessing over what I'm eating and focusing on working out. I am trying to have a good time and enjoy my vacation. Vacation should mean a vacation from all that, too! So I splurged... alot. When I say splurged, I mean strawberry shortcake, Angel food cake, Dessert with lunch, breakfast and dinner. I could go on forever... Let me back up for a minute and say this. I struggle with my weight like how many other percent of people in the population do... and it's always been a struggle to get slimmer, blah blah you know the drill. Well, starting last summer I made a vow to get healthy. I was pretty overweight, to be honest (Maybe one day I might post pictures if I'm feeling really honest). With the help of my basketball coach ( I didn't play for the team... I was the manager, but the Coach was like a mom to me) I started running and exercising and eating healthier. This continued for the 1st semester of my Senior year. Then... things went a little down hill. Working out was harder because my coach was having a baby and eventually went on bed rest so we weren't working out during basketball anymore. Anyway, I ended up losing about 30 lbs., and got to a weight I was happy with. Then.... I did the unspeakable.. I weighed myself right after my vacation. We all know you don't weigh yourself after vacation. I don't even weigh myself that often normally. But I was at my best friends house, she had a scale in her bathroom, and curiosity took over. It was not good. That number on that scale told me I gained 10 lbs. That can't be right. Ok, so I'm exaggerating a little because I didn't gain all 10 lbs in the week I was on vacation, but I gained at least 5 in that week and it adds up to 10 lbs more than the number I was at after losing weight. My point is it is so frustrating trying to lose weight! There is temptation everywhere! You should see where I work... it is not a normal office. There is candy all over the place. I sware. I'm not exaggerating. And knowing it is there is so hard!!! I am a sucker for sweets. And I'm working out twice a week with a trainer, I'm logging what I eat, I feel like I'm doing all the right things but I can't stop eating sweets and I am definitely not losing weight! Any diet tips out there? I really wanted to lose more weight this summer so I could be in awesome shape for college, but apparently that's not going to happen...

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Top 5 Tuesday

Ok, so Supernanny Where are You (that blog title cracks me up!) is hosting Top 5 Tuesday. I actually saw this last week, and really wanted to participate, but I was at the beach and the internet was so slow that blogging was pretty much impossible... it was a miracle I got my WWWAT post up. Anyway, basically every Tuesday she posts a theme and we list our top 5 something. This week is Top 5 Favorite Movies of All Time. Ok, so without further ado, I present my top 5 favorite movies...

  1. The Notebook- How could you not love this movie?!?! Rachel McAdam's and Ryan Gosling were so cute and I was crushed when they broke up in real life. This is, in my opinion, the ultimate love story. I cry everytime I watch it. So, so good!!!
  2. Breakfast at Tiffany's- A classic. I love Audrey Hepburn and I love her style in this movie. It's a great romance story and a great story about finding yourself, which I think everyone struggles with sometimes. This movie always makes me cry at the end, when the cat is lost, oh gosh....
  3. How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days- By now, I think it's pretty obvious I love romantic comedies. I'm a huge Kate Hudson fan and I think she is amazing in this movie. Plus, I really want her job [in the movie], and it makes me so mad that she doesn't like it! ha This movie is just a classic romantic comedy, its funny, romantic and it's just great. What else can I say!
  4. When Harry Met Sally- Such a good movie! Ugh. It really makes you think about relationships between opposite sexes and it's a classic romantic comedy. It shows the struggles of being in a relationship and finding that one person. So good!!
  5. Father of the Bride pt. 2- This movie is another one that always makes me cry! It's such a far-fetched (in my opinion) story line (Mom and daughter pregnant at the same time), but it is hilarious! And in the end, when Steve Martin is holding both his baby and his grandchild, I just lose it! Even though I can't relate, I love the story and it's just so sweet!
Ok, well I guess that's my list... I revised it several times and there are still quite a few movies I would love to add, but I'm going to stick with that list. I will however, mention a few I left out: The runners up were Never Been Kissed, 27 Dresses (this scene makes the whole movie for me-- see video below), Sleepless in Seattle (A classic how could you not love that movie!). Anyway, you get the point... I could go on forever. This is what makes 27 Dresses such a good movie: (I couldn't resist posting it) Thanks to Supernanny Where Are You for hosting.

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Vacation Recap

Ok, so as you may know I spent the past week at the beach in South Carolina. This is a family tradition we have held now for 19 years! The first year we all got together I was 9 months old! Can you believe that? Now I'm about to go to college... crazy! So let me explain to you all the attendees: We go with my dad's side of the family so his brother, sister, and step-sister all come. I tried making a family tree to make it interesting, but it didn't work out so I will just explain it to you in words.. sorry! Here is it how it goes:

  • My grandfather comes and his 3 kids (my dad, my aunt and my uncle)
  • Also my step-grandmother comes and brings with her her daughter.
  • Everyone brings their kids and spouses. My aunt mentioned above (my grandmother's daughter) married my uncle, who is from Egypt. They have 3 kids- Tammir, Amanda and Jenna.
  • My dad's brother has 2 kids- Maggie and Samantha and he is married to my Aunt Kimi.
  • My dad's sister has 1 kid- Spencer who is 5 and he is crazy, but so cute! She is married to my Uncle Carl.
  • Then there's us: My mom, my dad and my sister Anna and of course me.
  • So that = 8 kids and 10 adults.... all in one house.
So now that you have the background info... basically what we did all week, was eat a lot of food, spend alot of time on the beach, and drink a lot. (Ok, not me so much on the last one.. I was allowed a few cocktails, but I definitely wouldn't say "a lot".. but the adults? YES.) Anyway, it really was a lot of fun (I really need a synonym for a lot ... for someone that wants to be a writer you would think I could do better than a lot, but whatever.) We played games like Bunco (which my dad affectionately nick-named "drunko" and commented that it must be a really "thought-provoking game because all the mommies have headaches the next day when they play @ Girls night out lol), we played several card games and even some dominoes. The best part for me was just bonding with my cousins.. we don't see them all that often so it's really fun to spend time with them when the opportunity presents itself. So, I took a lot (i'm giving up on finding a new word for a lot, maybe next post ha!) of pictures, so here's a slideshow in case you're interested. Sorry for the boring post, I guess I'm not feeling writing inspired today...

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A Few Little Things...

Ok so I will write a real post later about my trip once I upload pictures and everything, but I have a bunch of random stuff to say so I'm just writing a few quick things!!

  • 1st off, I have to thank Krystyn for my blog's makeover!! I am loving it and I feel so official now! I don't know about you, but I love a good makeover, and she did an excellent job(IMO), so I would definitely reccomend her if you, like I was, are in need of a blog makeover!
  • Next, I am so happy to announce that my iphone is here! It was definitely worth the wait! I LOVE it! Not only is it amazingly cool (ha!) but it's an awesome conversation starter! I was at a party last night and this really cute guy had the old iPhone and he was impressed I had the new one. Anyway, you get the point.
  • My vacation was great... lot's of good family time. There is nothing like family. Check out my WWWAT post for some pics until I get the rest up!
  • I have like exactly a month before I leave for school... I'm so excited, but I'm so scared! I'll write a post about it this week, I promise, so stay tuned!
  • I am now a twitter-er, so follow me on twitter!
  • Thanks to everyone who has commented me... I'm really trying to get a good "audience" if you will, so I really appreciate it when you guys read and comment my blog!
That's it for now... like I said, stay tuned 'cuz there's lots more coming this week!

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