Goodbyes: Not Easier the Second Time

If you would have asked me at the beginning of this summer if I would be sad to leave home and go back to school, I probably would have laughed at you. "Yeah, right," I would have said, "I can't wait to go back." But now that it's actually real... I'm an emotional wreck! Thursday was my last day of work, and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye because I had to rush off to get my hair cut & colored (more on that later, for now see pic here!). So yesterday I went back to see everyone before I left this morning. I've been lucky enough to work at my dad's office the past four summers answering phones & doing other odd jobs. My dad has worked for the company, which was started by his uncle so includes a lot of family members, since I was 1 year old. So a lot of these people I now work with are like my second family; they've watched me grow up. And the others, i've worked with them with several years now, so they've become really good friends! After I left from saying goodbye today, I started tearing up. "What is wrong with me?" I thought. This is not normal! Sure, last year the goodbyes were hard because I didn't know when I would be back, and there was so much unknown. But this year, I have more to look forward to. I'm going back to my sorority sisters & some of my best friends! I shouldn't be sad about that! But I can't seem to shake the feeling of being sad. And it is a familiar feeling; it's the same feeling I had when I was leaving school. So you would think I would be happy to get back there, and it's not that I'm not, but I'm sad, really sad to leave and to say goodbye. And those goodbyes today were only the first; today is another day of more goodbyes. Saying goodbye to my dad and to my sister, and a couple days after that my mom. The other night, in the middle of the night, I started thinking about these goodbyes that were so close & I cried! And those were just the first tears. There were many more to come and still will be I'm sure. It's a weird feeling, this whole leaving thing. As I was packing up my stuff this morning getting ready to go, I felt like I was just going on another trip. That I would be back in a week, or two weeks. But the truth is I don't know when I'll be back maybe in a month maybe in 3, maybe more. And when I think about that truth, the tears come again!

In the end, when I really think about it, I suppose that this is a good thing. Even though the sadness sucks, the fact that I am sad leaving both places means I'm happy both places, and for that I'm so lucky. I'm lucky that I have a great family I don't want to leave. And I'm lucky I have great friends at a great school I also don't want to leave. It's just the goodbyes that kill me... so from now I'll just go with "see you soon," because I know I will. It's not like it's goodbye forever! I just might shed a few tears in between those see you soon's...