I hear this almost everyday at least twice a day, probably more. It usually follows the question "When do you go back to school?" As soon as I answer, it always always follows "Are you excited?" This is where the dilemma is. I know the answer everyone is expecting. I know I'm supposed to say "yes! I can't wait! I'm so excited!" The truth? I don't know how I feel. Of course I want to see my friends, of course I'm looking forward to seeing them again, but excited? Not really. Not yet, anyway. When I think about this question, and how I'm supposed to react, it reminds me of an episode of Sex & the City (work with me, it's not what you think!) when Miranda finds out she is pregnant with a boy. She knows what the ultra sound tech is expecting; for her to get all excited! So, in her words, she fake orgasms. She acts all excited, saying "a boy! oh boy oh boy!" because that's what is expected of her even though she wasn't really feeling that way. This is how I feel when people ask me if I'm excited to go back to school. I feel like they expect me to shout for joy, maybe jump up & down with excitement. I mean, can you imagine if someone said "are you excited to go back to school?" and my response was "eh... not really."? I realize that most people that ask this are just being polite, and don't actually expect me to go into a long, deeply thought out answer. Which is exactly why I smile & "fake it" so to speak & say "Yes, I'm so excited!" Don't get me wrong. I love where I go to school. I love my friends. It's just hard for me to go back & forth, and it's hard for me to be excited. It takes me awhile to adjust to a new situation. It's the same coming home from school; when I first get home my parents are all giddy & excited I'm home & I'm thinking getmeoutofhereandbacktoschoolNOW! But pretty soon it starts to feel normal again, and I know that's how it will be once I get to school. It will take a little getting used to at first, but then it will be normal again, and I won't want to come home because I'm so happy there. Like I said here and here and probably 10 other times, I am lucky to be at a school where I'm happy. So, for now, when I get asked if I'm excited, I'll continue to fake it. I'll smile & nod my head & maybe even jump up and down like an idiot (ok, probably not), but inside hold tight to the knowledge that one day soon I will be excited, and won't be able to imagine a time when I wasn't. Or maybe I'll just answer "read my blog"!
10 comments:
I think it would be so hard to go back and forth - especially the long distance that you have between the two. I went to school and lived in the same town...I was always excited when my friends came back to school. In my opinion we could have just forgot about the classes and just did the fun stuff together!
Yea, I know that feeling. I went to school 6 hours from where I grew up. Luckily, my school town became HOME very quickly.
I am sort of feeling the same way you are, about going back to school right now. As a Mom, my friends all expect me to say "YES! CANT WAIT TIL SCHOOL STARTS!" but...it's not like that. I will MISS my kids and I have to go back to teaching when they go back...and 2 of my kids are better than 25 of someone elses'! So, yes, I am FAKIN' it too!
I was the exact same way - the transition was never easy in either direction. And I think we continue faking our enthusiasm for things our entire lives - thank goodness for blogs where we can be a little bit more real about things. :)
So.....when do you go back?
bwahahahahahahahaha
totally agree...let's cut the small talk people. also another question that comes up: "do you like it better here or there?"...why would you ever ask me that question? argh. good post.
I completely get what you mean. Luckily I don't have the distance. I just find it really hard to think academincally again after all the drinking, dancing, lay ins etc lol. I swear I forget to even write properly after the summer haha!
I loved that episode. It was hilarious when she did the fake excitement face! lol...
I hate it when people excpect a certain reaction from you. I.e. when yu meet a baby... everybody except (especially if you are a girl) for you to be al lovey dovey with the litle thing. I am not that intrested in babys. I always ahve to fake the uuhh and the ahhh in these situastion. What's so charming about something that ony drools and can't talk i don't get...
although it was a long time ago for me...i get it. and i remember feeling exactly the same way.
I know just what you mean! Change is hard for me too... even it's as simple as changing from two naps a day for my little guy to one. I'm good once I get used to it, but the transition is hard!
I think school's exciting....to a point :)
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