25.9.08

My girl/guy theory

So I was talking to this guy the other day, and he said something that stuck with me for awhile because I never really thought about it until now. He told me that he had girl problems, blah blah, and the one thing he said that stuck with me ever since (well it's only been like a little over a week, but still) is "Nice guys always finish last". Now I try to be an optimist (although my friends laughed hysterically when I called myself "positive Patrice" the other day so I guess I'm not very successful at it), so I immediately told him he was wrong! I told him I would much rather date/talk to a sweet guy than some jerk who treats me like nothing! He told me I was rare. I thought this was a very depressing way of looking at things! I guess I've heard that some girls like bad boys or whatever, but still! I guess I buy into the whole hard-to-get thing to a certain extent, because honestly it does kind of make me want them more, but as far as dating I would much rather date a sweet guy and not a jerk! Well, after a lot of thinking I have decided that nice girls finish last, too. So I guess I am cynical and whatever, but it's my theory and I'm sticking to it! For as long as I can remember, ever since I've had crushes on guys, I have always gotten the friend line: "you're a great friend... but I just don't see you as my girlfriend." Now, I pride myself on being a good friend. I will go above and beyond to make sure I am the best friend I can possibly be, so I am glad people recognize that I'm a good friend. However, I don't want to be every one's friend. I want to be someones girlfriend, too. Why is it that because I'm nice and because I'm a good friend, that makes me like un-dateable or something? So if I were a bitch you would want me to be your girlfriend is that it? If I treated you like nothing, would you like that? I doubt it. So what's the compromise? Hot sometimes, cold other times? I don't like playing games. I want to be myself, and some guy should like me for that. But apparently that's not good enough. My non-skinny, average looking at best, nice self is not what guys want. So here's my theory with the help of my friend John*: Nice guys and girls apparently always finish last. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent (well I wouldn't really call him innocent but whatever)

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12 comments:

Jen E @ mommablogsalot said...

I think the "nice guy / girl" theory works well when you aren't talking about a serious relationship. Because nice guys and girls are less interested in "playing the field" and playing games in general. So yeah, you are going to finish last where that is concerned, but in the long run, when you find that right person, you will be so much better off.

Mrs. Newlywed said...

I think it works sometimes...

Mr. Newlywed is a pretty good guy. He never once played games. However, I don't do it either. Any guy that wants to play games isn't worth my time.

Krystyn said...

I guess I'm the same as Mrs. Newlywed. We are both the good people...and I don't think it means we finished last together.

He's out there:)

Danielle (Life with the Hewitt Family) said...

I used to feel the same way that you did. Then I found my guy and I think that we were meant for each other because I think we are both good.

You will find your match, just be patient and it will happen and when it does it will be well worth the wait!

Chelle said...

I was always the believer that the nice people finish last.

But you know what? Not true, friend. It may seem like that, but usually you have to weed out all of the jerks and the bad ones to get to the good ones and KNOW that they are good.

I hope *John finds someone who will be good to him....hey....what about the two of you?

Megan said...

I think "nice guys finish last" because girls always find themselves attracted to the wrong guy or "bad boy"..I was ALLL through high school and most of college. But then I decided I wanted to get serious and not settle. That's when I met Dave. Tough guy on the outside, total sweetheart on the inside. It will happen for you. And I hope we're still blogging buddies so I can say I TOLD YOU SO!! For right now, enjoy college and work on those lifelong friendships with your sorority girls.

Joy said...

I like what Jen E said! And I also want to add that my husband is my BEST FRIEND. When young guys say, "I like you but you're more of a friend..." it's just bull. There's another reason and they're not letting on... It's a cop-out!

I definitely didn't finish last! I got married at 19 (he was 18)!

Sometimes it takes spending time with jerks to realize who the REAL guys are. Hope you find him... perhaps "John"?!

Mrs. Forever said...

Everyone here is right. Nice guys and girls don't sleep around and go on casual flings but that doesn't mean they finish last! When you're Mr. Perfect for You comes along (no matter when it happens) you'll realize that "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." I love that song - and I know that if I had dated every guy I had a crush on I wouldn't have been ready and waiting for Mr. Forever and the journey we are on together. I am two years out of college and the girls that seemed to have a steady stream of guys through school are mostly single. The girls who waited and dated the right guy - well a number of us are married (and others are still in steady committed relationships!) Don't worry - he'll come!

The Broken Man said...

It's not a race. You're not trying to come first (or last), you're trying to find someone who you can spend the rest of your life with. That's not something to be rushed!Take your time, chill out and carry on being the good friend you are and don't panic.

Most guys are fairly immature at 18 - but there does come a time (in the not-to-distant future) when they suddenly realise that a good, solid relationship is based on a good, solid friendship. Then they will look at you in a whole new light, and realise you were under their nose all along!

Cheryl said...

Hey there--good people don't finish last, they finish best. I've known for a long time (longer than you've been on this earth) that I'm a great catch but I'm too good to men who come into my life. So I backed off. I didn't want to become a bitch but I spoke my mind. I no longer was a "doormat" and a "kiss ass". Then I just stopped dating all together. After my divorce 7 years ago, I tried hard to find "Mr. Right" and it all blew up in my face. I wasn't sure what I wanted or who was right for me. If I was a bitch, I might get a great guy because it seemed as if bitchy women got the good guys. If I were meek and mild, I'd get stepped on by a guy with an ego. So I just stopped. I enjoyed life as it was--never giving up but I stopped looking.

I now have an AWESOME guy in my life--we both compliment each other in a million ways. He's the most handsome man I've ever met even though I may have not been looking for his "type". The one thing I know is that I don't panic about the relationship (yes, 45 year old women do this, too!)...I am comfy enough to say "Hey, I'm going to spend tonite with my kids...why don't you call up some friends and go watch the game". I think every guy wants their guy time and when we let them have it, they are even more into us! ;)

Don't ever change the way you are. Don't be a grown woman too fast, either.... :-)

Dawn said...

Oh girl, I could have written your post just a mere 10 years ago. Well, maybe 12 years. Stop making me feel old! ;-)

Seriously though, you may feel like you are finishing last, but you will be way ahead in the race someday. My hubby and I were friends for 1.5 years before it even developed into more. I am now way happier than many of my friends that "had all the guys." It's just hard for us to think long term when we are in the situation.

I have seen pictures of you, and you are a very pretty girl. You have said that you are a great friend, and I get the sense that you are a pretty smart cookie too. So, trust me (although you don't know me well) when I say that if you don't rush things you will one day find a great guy.

Heidi said...

Nice guys and nice girls find stable, wonderful, loving relationships. Jerks date, divorce and bar hop til they are 45.

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