Guest post: Crossing over

This is the first year I will not return to Washington and Lee University. I am now an alumna which means I will no longer practice walking up and down the stairs, leaving enough room for the PNM on my arm to hold onto the handrail or rehearse yelling loud enough to drown out the two "srat" houses on either side of us, "I am a P! I am a P-I! I am a P-I-B-E-T-A-P-H-I!"

Recruitment is a big deal at our small liberal arts school tucked into the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Valley of Virginia. Roughly three out of every four women will go Greek. We run a formal recruitment, meaning we go to the max - we decorate trash cans with bows. We are all Pi Phi all the time.

And it's sad knowing I won't be going back to that, that I won't sit at lunch with my sisters or walk to class with them.

But it is comforting to know that our Greek commitments aren't just for four years, they're for life. I was in a sister's wedding in June. Another just had a baby and has been showered with congratulations from her pledge sisters. And now I am advising a chapter where I get to see them struggle with the same things I did not so long ago.

The experiences we have, the friendships we make and the lessons we learned don't walk across the stage with us at commencement. They live within us and we pass them on.

Recruitment can be stressful, that's for sure - not finding time to do work, heading home past midnight from the house, being surrounded by women 24/7 with seemingly no time for yourself. But keep in mind what is being built. Recruitment is the lifeblood of our organizations. It is the one time of year we get to extend the hand of sisterhood to women who will be by our sides when we face our greatest disappointments and our most profound accomplishments.

And I'd give anything to be back at it.

Stephanie Hardiman is a freelance writer and journalist. She keeps a personal blog of things vaguely related to her life and the media here.

Rush Week Guest Post #2

I'm Audreya from If You Ask Me. And let me just say upfront that I've never said anything in my life in less than a thousand words, so forgive me if I ramble on! When Patrice first asked if anyone wanted to guest post about their sorority experience, I was reluctant to say "yes". Strictly speaking, I wasn't in a sorority, so would I really have the much to offer? But, in the end, the desire to hear myself talk (or read myself type, I guess) won out and here we are…

The sorority experience itself also started off reluctantly for me. A little background: I attended a small, private university in Arkansas. Our sororities weren't part of the national Greek system, so we referred to them as social clubs. However, aside from a few vocabulary differences, I've found my experience to much the same as that of my Greek friends. I say "pledge". You say "rush". Technically I think we're all supposed to say "induction" or "recruitment", but the gist is the same.

I started college in the fall of 1997. I arrived on campus with preconceived notions about sororities in general and even about each specific club. I'd had friends and relatives attend the same university and tell me "Oh, these girls are snobby", "These girls are dorks", "You should totally pledge this club…" (Note: Our process was flip-flopped from what I understand most to be. We had almost two months of mixers / selection process and then one pledge week, after which we were full-fledged members.) I began attending the open mixers for a number of clubs. I even attended a couple of the invite-only mixers later in the process. Then it was time for the pledges to rank their top choices and the clubs to rank their top pledges. It all got put into a computer and… beep, beep, boop, boop… a bid sheet appeared. Like eHarmony: Sorority Edition. (We also had an "everyone gets a bid" policy. Though the bid might be for a club you ranked very low, you did get a bid and get the opportunity to pledge if you wanted.)

However, after the invite-only round of mixers, I had decided pledging wasn't for me. I wasn't head over heels for any of the clubs. I didn't want to devote that much time to anything. All in all, I thought it seemed unnecessary. I mean, it was a campus of less than 5,000 students. I could make friends on my own, right? Of course, a staggering percentage (80-something, I think) of students participated in social clubs. When you met someone new "What club are you in?" preceded "What is your major?" as an ice breaking question. But, whatever, I was my own woman. I dropped out of the pledge process.

I don't regret that decision. It was right for me at the time. I got involved with a drama group. Declared a major I actually never changed (I'm still waiting for an award for that, by the way!) Made friends in a variety of clubs that I might not have made if I'd been focused on just one particular set of Greek letters. But, most importantly, I had a year to observe. At the end of my freshman year, I realized I that I was going to pledge the following year. Not because I felt like an outcast… I didn't. Not because I had missed out on going to banquets and functions… I didn't. But because I liked the sense of community I had seen amongst each club… and the social club system as a whole. And, the club I knew I wanted to pledge was one of them I hadn't even given a second glance to during the mixers the previous fall. Funny how things works out like that, isn't it?

So, when my sophomore year rolled around, I began the pledge process again. Though I knew many of the girls by then, I wasn't a shoo-in. I visited and sent notes in the mail. I held my breath on bid day. And, when I opened my envelope and saw the logo of a key at the top, I knew I was where I belonged. My social club was called Tri Kappa. For obvious reason, we went by Tri Kappa and not three Ks. And no, no one ever figured out exactly what our founders what thinking with that choice of name, but I assure you it was nothing sinister! We were the Sisters of the Key… the key to everlasting friendship.

"Everlasting friendship" seemed like a corny phrase at the time, but who was I to judge? I was a Class II member, affectionately known as a gopher. I still had to get through pledge week!

I don't know what pledge week / rush week is like now. I know there are all sorts of laws about hazing, forced participation, etc. As there should be. Those laws were around when I pledged, and combined with our campus' strict policies, everyone had a safe experience… but did I have to all sorts of ridiculous / silly / bizarre / early in the morning - late at night things? You betcha. I wore the same pair of black socks for the entire week and wasn’t allowed to wash them. I carried my pledge book with me EVERYWHERE and was only allowed to set it down when specifically told to do so. I wasn't allowed to walk on grass. I memorized countless facts about the club. I searched ALL OVER CAMPUS for the Halsey-Taylor monument only to find out there were about 10 in each building and most people called them water fountains. Nonsensical? Sure. But would I trade it? Not for the world.

My best friend and I pledged together.
When we got our jerseys,
 we were so excited, we shot an entire roll
of film doing weird poses like this.

At the end of the week - "Hell Night", as it was called - we went out to our sponsor's house - in the middle of the woods - and had to recite all the stuff we'd memorized, participate in more silly stunts, etc. At the end of the night, we sat in a circle and were told to close our eyes and remain silent. The President talked about how most of us had done well and would be welcomed into the club, but a few of us just didn't work out. If you felt a tap on your shoulder, you were out (I think Project Runway stole our idea). You were to quietly leave the circle and let the other girls celebrate. When I felt that tap on my shoulder, my heart sank. I fought back tears. What had I done wrong?! But I opened my eyes and began to stand up. That's when I realized everyone else was doing the same. One last joke for the Class I members / scare for the Class II. Behind us stood our Big Sisters with their jersey… ready to hand over to us. We were in! It is still one of my favorite memories ever.

My Big Sis and me at my formal
induction ceremony

I went on to become Historian, Activities Director, Vice-President and President. (And yes, as President, I did the same "fake out" stunt on Hell Night.) I even served as an officer on the Inter-Club Council. Later, people would laugh when I put those skills on my resume, but it was a lot of work and valuable experience. Successfully getting a bunch of boy-crazy, giggly 18 year old college freshman through Pledge Week alive and without any laws being broken? Yeah, that puppy is going on the resume! I found out a lot about myself by being in a sorority. I learned that I make an okay leader. I learned that talking in front of a crowd wouldn't kill me. I now use those skills every single day in my career. But, more importantly, I learned what it meant to have sisters you aren't related to. I made some of the best friends I can imagine. Like Mandy said in her post yesterday, some people say that being a sorority equates to buying your friends. Nothing could be further from the truth. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sure, you can absolutely have a great college experience if you aren't in a sorority. Sure, it's not for everyone. But for those of us who've done it, it's absolutely something to be proud of. Paying dues might cover some of the administrative costs, but the experiences I had and the friendships I made were priceless.

Sadly, after 50 years, membership dwindled and eventually the club dissolved. Some shiny new clubs had formed on campus. Other larger clubs began taking even more members. My sister was in one of the last pledge class Tri Kappa saw. I'm proud she was able to pledge as my legacy. And that's the thing about legacies… they live on even when the thing that started it all isn't around anymore. Maybe "The Key to Everlasting Friendship" wasn’t so corny after all.

Excuse Me While I Fall Off the Planet...

If I'm not here for awhile, don't mind me. Don't worry,  I am going to fall off the face of the planet for awhile but I'll be back!

Tomorrow I leave to go back to school & all the madness starts Sunday! I have 8 hours to get moved in, set up, decorated and everything then Sorority recruitment starts. This means hours and hours of practicing conversations, talking to girls, lots and lots of work. And very little sleep. Which also means very little free time (a.k.a blogging time). So, yeah, I won't be here much.

I knew this was coming, which was why I had planned to post a lot this week, and write posts to schedule to post next week so my blog would not be neglected at all. Except then life got in the way. And all the sudden my to do list multiplied by like 1000. I was trying to finish up at work before I left for the summer, trying to complete all my shopping, say all my goodbyes. Needless to say, this did not leave a whole lot of extra time. So, I didn't get around to blogging.

Not only am I behind on my blogging, but I am behind on my 31DBBB stuff. Like probably at least 10 days behind. Clearly I will not be finishing the challenge in 31 days, nor will I be done in 5 days like everyone else. Maybe by the end of next month, if I'm lucky! What can I say, I just haven't had time! Seems to be the common theme of this post, huh!?

Anyway, this is all good stuff. Going back to school for my 3rd year (how did that happen!!?!) will be great, and sorority rush is such a great time to bond with sisters and get new ones!!! My blog can wait, I know that.

Since I failed to plan ahead and write posts for next week (I know, shame on me!), I was wondering if anyone would be interested in sharing your sorority story! Since I'll be out for sorority stuff, I want to dedicate the week to all things sorority (especially if you were an AXO, wink wink!). If you are interested, let me know! It would be so fun to hear y'alls experiences! (ETA: I don't think I was clear. I am looking for anyone interested in guest posting next week about your sorority experience!)

So, I apologize for my absence.  I sure hope you'll still be here when I get back!! I'll definitely be checking in as much as possible at your blogs! See you on the flip side...

Blog Neglect

I feel like I've been seriously neglecting my blog, and I kind of have but not as bad as I thought since my last post was Saturday which feels like an eternity ago, but in reality was only a few days ago!

Anyway, I have a good excuse, really I do. This week is rush at Alpha Chi Omega (my sorority), and we are incredibly busy taking part in that and preparing for it. And I'm exhausted. We all are. But this week is super special because we have to focus on what it is that made us join this chapter, what it is that we love about being here, and there couldn't be a better time for me to focus on all of this. I was feeling homesick before I even left home, and then I got back here and it was like we had never left. I found myself giddy at the littlest things about being back here; the way our sorority house smells (it's a good smell unlike some of the frat houses! haha), the walk to the dining hall chatting with sisters, the fact that anytime I need to talk I have 4o+ girls that are just a walk down the hall or down the stairs who will listen at anytime about anything. This really is my second home, and I couldn't have chosen a better one. Which is why I'm so excited to pass that on to incoming students that will hopefully feel the same way at this time next year.

It's crazy to think it was just a year ago that I was on the other side of all this; visiting the different houses, trying to make the right decision. It was scary and exciting all at the same time! Not to mention that all of this was going on as I was adapting to this brand new place. But, it worked out. It was meant to be. This is where I belong. And that makes all the homesickness fade, makes all of the boring nights of summer completely worth it, makes the long trip to get here completely worth it.

So, I won't be around much (most likely at all) for the next week. If you wanna take a trip down memory lane with me, go back and read about my first day of school last year, which will have been a year ago tomorrow. I can't believe how far I've come... Also, I had some pretty fantastic guest posts written for me this time last year as well, so check those out too!

This picture from Bid Day last year (picniked by one of my sorority sisters) says it all: "Every girl needs at least one friend to come to for support... I'm lucky enough to have 65."

Extreme Makeover: Sorority House Room Edition

So, I have a problem with cleaning. It's not like I'm not capable of doing it. I can.. I'm just lazy. At the end of the day, when I take off my jeans and put on my sweats to get more comfortable, I don't feel like putting them in the drawer where they go. So, I just throw them on the floor, and tell myself I'll put it away later. Then, the pattern continues. Pretty soon, it's out of control. All the sudden I can't find my jeans when I need them, I think I lost my only nice pair, I can't find that shirt I really wanted to wear. All the sudden I haven't taken out the trash in like a month, and my desk? Oh, my desk.. well papers just get thrown in there in no particular order, and you can forget about actually using it... don't believe me? Allow me to show you... Even my bed was being taken over by shoes, books, clothes, towels (yes, wet towels from my shower earlier) you name it... Oh and of course my laptop is on my bed since there's obviously nowhere to put it on my desk! See, told you! It was out of control. Anyway, this weekend is Family weekend and Autumn at the woods. Which means that prospective students are coming to stay with us for a night, and parents will be visiting as well. So with some bribing and threatening by my sisters, I decided that it was time for an extreme makeover. I worked hard to make it look pretty. I wanted to show everyone I really can be clean, I just have trouble sometimes keeping it that way. Well, if I do say so myself, it was a success! I slaved for days hours in the room, and got it together. Allow me to show off my results... I knew there was a desk under all those papers! And wow, all my clothes are actually hanging up and not on=the floor! Look, see?? A floor!!! I knew it was there somewhere.. Ok, so it was a really lame attempt at making the bed, but I'll fix it eventually. And my laptop is still on my bed, but that's just because my bed is a much more comfortable place to blog study than my desk! So far it has stayed clean for 2 whole days! I plan on keeping it this way as long as possible. And the best part? I am now taking off my clothes at night, and putting them in the drawer! Who knew I could do that? Not me, and definitely not my room mate! So I'd say it was a successful makeover, the response around here has been pretty positive, what do you say?

I Need Your Creativity!

I need you, bloggy friends! So, our sorority is hosting a new members party, the first party of the year! And basically we, the new members, get to plan the theme and keep it a secret from the old members until a couple days before, so they have to scatter to get ready!! So we're trying to come up with a theme, and I want to know what ideas you have ?!?! Some things they've done in the past is like dancing through the decades (dress up like a different decade) or cowboy/cowgirl theme! We want something really fun, but not necessarily costume-y, you know ?!?! I'm open to any suggestions! I know you guys are creative, so let me know what you got!

I'm here!

I'm back as promised! lol And as I told you, I have lots of news! So last week was crazy... from the minute (well almost) I arrived at campus there was something going on. We had ice cream socials, late night bowling, meetings during the day with peer advisers to learn where things are and stuff, so much more, but especially rush events! Rush started officially Thursday night with touring all 4 houses on campus, and just chatting with the girls in the house. Then afterward, you narrow it down to the three houses you like the best, and if they like you as well then you go back to those 3 the next night. So I went to all three of the one's I like. Basically, every night you narrow it down. I was having a hard time deciding which one's I liked the best, but I just had to go with where I clicked. At the Alpha Chi Omega house, I was already friends with one of the girls. She was from Dallas as well, but was a sophomore at my college, and it helped so much meeting her. She talked to me on the last night of rush and poured her heart out to me saying she wants to be my big sis, etc and I was hooked! So, I am now an official Alpha Chi Omega!!! I am loving it! I know I made the right decision without a doubt. I am now in the sorority house, and I go out with the girls at night, hang out with them during the day.. it's all great! The cool thing is my mom was an Alpha Chi Omega, and so was my grandmother, so I'm 3rd generation! It feels good to carry on the tradition! lol My classes are good, there's 1 I'm not so sure about, but I'm hanging in there and hoping it gets better! I've made a lot of friends and I am just having a lot of fun! I decorated my room and stuff this weekend, but I'm not sure I like it!? haha Anyway, I took some pics and will post them once my Internet is fixed. I don't know why, but my Internet hasn't connected all weekend, and it's making me crazy! So, I am here at the computer lab because I just couldn't take it anymore! I am slowly catching up on all your blogs, but I don't think I'll ever be able to catch up all the way! I have only been homesick a couple times. The other day I was just exhausted and therefore I was really emotional. I talk to my mom everyday sometimes twice a day, but for some reason when I got off the phone with her the other day I just started crying. I missed her a lot, and I was just feeling sad and wanted my mom! Luckily, 2 of my sisters were there comfort me and told me it's totally normal to be homesick at 1st! However, Dana helped out too by sending me some homemade goodies! Thanks again, Dana! They were delicious! If anyone else wants to get on that, let me know! I love getting packages! haha So in high school I was on the newspaper staff, and I loved it. So when I signed up for my college classes, they asked if I wanted to write for the paper. So of course I said yes! Well, on Wednesday we met for the 1st time, and planned everything out. And guess what?! I'm going to be the Managing Editor! I'm so excited! I just volunteered, and no one else wanted it, so I got it! Also, my 1st story I just finished today is going to be featured on the front page of the 1st issue! I'm so thrilled!!! So, that's pretty much what I have to report! I hope this week things will calm down, and I'll have a little more time to blog! I miss you, guys! Don't forgot about me if I'm not back every day! haha Until next time...

Feeling Guilty

Ok so I'm feeling really bad. No I'm not sick again. I am feeling guilty for neglecting you, my bloggy friends! Yes, there is twitter to keep each other updated, but it's not the same! I've been meaning to post, I really have, and I've been reading your blogs... well kind of. But the thing is, I'm just so busy! I wish I could tell you I was like studying my butt off and that's why I haven't been around, or that I am always in class, and there just isn't time for blogging! But, I would be lieing, and I can't lie to you! Especially after I've been neglecting. I'm still here, really! I even have my post about sorority stuff almost done. It's just that there's so much to do around here! The best thing about the sorority house is there's always someone to talk to, so I feel silly hiding in my room! Plus, there's no wireless, so I can't go in someone else's room and blog! Yeah, lame excuse I know. It's just all new, and exciting! I'm sure it will wear off! And I'm still reading your blogs, I am, but I am mostly reading in between classes and socializing and frat parties studying, and don't have a lot of time! Also, I read a lot of blogs when I'm bored on my iPhone, and it's a pain in the you-know-what to comment on there. Don't get me started. Anyway, i'm just feeling bad! I haven't forgotten you, I really haven't! I was so busy today I forgot about Top 5 Tuesday! It's the 1st time since I found it that I haven't done it! Actually, I don't know if that's true! But it's a Tuesday tradition! And I forgot! The irony is the topic was what do you do when you're not blogging, and clearly I'm spending too much time doing those! So I promise I still love you! And I promise to read & comment on your blogs more! I really appreciate that you all haven't left me! Well, i'm off to bed because I have a 9 AM class, and I have class most of the day tomorrow, (really I do) so I probably won't be able to get caught up tomorrow either. But I will eventually get caught up!

Quick things

I'm back!!! Did you guys miss me? lol so I wasn't really gone, I was still reading your blogs as much as I could, but I just didn't have a lot of time! I still don't have a lot of time now, but I just want to let you know that you need to come back because I will finally start writing on own blog... the thing is I've been so busy reading your blogs that I run out of time and forget about my own! lol So just a few quick shout outs and notes:

• Thank you to Dana, Tyne, Rachel, and Jen for all the amazing guest posts last week! I was certainly entertained reading all of them! Great job, all of you (Not that you really need my approval, but you get it anyway!) If you haven't already, make you sure you check out their awesome posts.
• As I mentioned, I'm loving college. I was sick yesterday with a stomach bug, and that was awful. I really hated being away from home when I was sick! And I almost missed my preference parties for Sorority Recruitment, which would have been bad. Luckily, I made it.
• I made in to a sorority and I'm SO HAPPY with my decision! I spent the whole day getting to know all my sisters and I really couldn't be happier! Stay tuned to find out which sorority I joined!
• I promise I will update on everything this week! Tomorrow is my 1st day of classes, so I will definitely have to let you know how that goes!
• Oh, yeah I almost forgot! Chelle gave me my 1st ever bloggy award the other day & I've been so busy I haven't even gotten a chance to pass it on! But I'm so excited to put my bling bling on my blog & to pass it on to you guys.
• Also, I'm playing in Wendi's favorite things swap! So head over there and join and we can swap our favorite things! (click the picture for the link!)

Well I guess that's it... hope you're enjoying keeping up with the latest stuff!