26.5.09

There's an "app" for what!?

So I'm pretty sure we've all seen those iPhone commercials.. you know the one's that talk about all their cool apps, claiming "There's an app for just about anything." Well, I love my iPhone as much as the next person (maybe more) & I definitely love apps, but there are some apps that have me thinking wtf!? Who would pay for these things? And even if they are free, why would you ever need them? Allow me to demonstrate: 1. Virtual Lighter- (99 cents) the description says "the next time you find yourself towards the end of a solid rock & roll gig & need to express your respect for the band, simply pop iLighter above the crowd." ok, really!? I guess I can understand their usage for it at concerts, but what's wrong with just a regular lighter? 2. Shy Bladder- (free) Have trouble peeing when people are around?! Well, now just bring your iPhone with you to the bathroom, and use your shy bladder app to help you! The app has 3 different sounds of running water, which are all supposed to help you release your bladder. I see what they are trying to do, but if your fear is peeing around other people, I would be more concerned about what people would think if I brought my iPhone with me in the bathroom, and starting playing noises... that's a little weird. 3. iSteam- (99 cents) you know when you take a hot shower & the bathroom mirror get's all steamy? And you write stuff on it!? Well, now you can do that from your iPhone! iSteam is like a fogged up mirror, and when you write on it, it squeaks... really? I think no matter how bored you are, writing on a fake fogged up mirror is not gonna amuse you! Plus, even if you do really love writing on a fogged up mirror, why pay 99 cents for it when you can do it for free at home!? Even worse, one of the "features" they list says "write secret messages on a mostly steamless image, and hand over to the hot girl telling her how to blow on the microphone: message revealed." Come on, really!? Maybe it's just me, but I would not be impressed if some guy asked me to blow on their iPhone. No, thanks! 4. iFart (99 cents)- a fart machine for your iPhone. I can't even tell you how many different versions of this app there are. There's just iFart, ifart timer, iFart atomic fart, iFart piano, I luv 2 fart... the list goes on and on. Really?!! Who would be amused by this other than a 5 yr old boy? Grow up, people! 5. R u sexy- (99 cents)- Basically, you point your iPhone at you or one of your friends, press a button, and it determines if you are sexy or not. The description claims that it is "a perfect pickup technique for a valentine romance." Really?! If some guy came up to me and told me his iPhone told him I'm sexy, I would think he was a freak! Waste of money! 6. Bad Breath Analyzer- (99 cents)- This app is supposed to be a "prank app" so you can "trick your friends into thinking they have bad breath." You blow into the phone, where the microphone is, and it acts as if it takes a sample of your breath, and then tells you how your breath is. Again... I have to ask why?! Why is this necessary? Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor, but I would be offended if someone did this to me! There are better ways to prank your friends, people (that is if you are in 5th grade and prank people for fun) and for free! 7. R u drunk- ($2.99)- For $3, you get a series of sobriety tests including alphabet typing test, balance test, and a few others. I understand that this is supposed to tell you if you are drunk or not, but I think most of us know when we've had a few too many drinks. And really, what's an iPhone test gonna prove? That you can't text on your iPhone when you're drunk? I can see how this might be a fun party game, to prove to your friends that they are drunk, but according to the reviews it's not even fun for that. Plus, we all know the common sobriety tests (say the alphabet backwards, follow my finger, walk a straight line, etc.), so why pay $3 for what you can do for free!? 8. iBeer special- ($1.99)- I'm a college student, so I definitely love beer, and anything that has to do with beer, but this is ridiculous! It's an interactive picture of beer. You shake your phone, and the beer foams, or you can "pour it", you can even "drink it". Um, personally I would rather put that $2 towards some real beer, not an interactive, fake one. I don't see this being amusing for very long, but that's just me. Variations to this include iMilk, iBug, iSoda, etc. 9. Fake Call- (thanks to Elaina who suggested this!) (99 cents)- Again, there are several versions of this, but they all essentially do the same thing. Basically, if you are in a meeting or on a date, you can set your phone to call you at a certain time so it looks and sounds like someone is calling you. The point is to get out of whatever it is you are doing, so you can say some emergency came up or something. Um... or you could just be mature and tell your date you wanna leave? Just a thought. 10. Poop the World- (99 cents)- This has to got to be the grossest app there is. I need a minute to compose myself before I can even write this! ugh. Just in case you feel the need to keep track of your poop, now there is an app for that. Using GPS, you can keep track of every location in which you poop, and using over 400 different poop combinations, you can record what type of poop it was including smell and type. Um gross. Even more disgusting, using this app, you can e-mail your poop. Yes, that's right. And don't think that you won't be rewarded for keeping track of your poops, there are 4 different trophies you can unlock for logging your pooping habits. It gets better... have you ever wondered what type of poops & where other people were pooping? Well with this app you can view real-time results of where other people all over the world are taking a poop. Seriously!?!? Ask anyone that knows me, I hate the word poop, I hate talking about it, and I hate referencing it. This app is kind of my worst nightmare! If someone ever e-mailed me a poop, I think I would die! I have now said the word that I hate so much enough times to last me a lifetime. But really... who in the world would waste their time keeping track of this stuff? And who really wants to know the location of other people doing their business? Gross. Gross. Gross!!!! So now you see my point? This is a bad economy, people! Think of all the money we could be saving by not spending money on these absolutely ridiculous apps! I could go on, but I think you get my point. Perhaps there will be a part 2 list, because there are that many ridiculous apps! So I guess it's true what they say, there really is an app for just about anything... even poop! (ew.)

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18 comments:

Rebecca Louise. said...

Oh the bladder thing had me laughing! xo.

Cammie said...

this was an awesome post!!!

Krissy said...

My cousin has the beer one and loves it. I don't know but the novelty of it wore off for me after about 10 minutes.

Cassie said...

Those are hilarious! that last one though, is just nasty. I bet there are guys out there that buy it though. I once had a girl tell me that her husband sent her a picture text message of his poop from work because he was proud of it. I almost threw up.

Wendi said...

Who knew?
I am running out today to buy an iPhone.
No, I really don't need one.
Or all the ridiculous apps it provides.
But it is awesome blog fodder!!!

Katy said...

My brother in law has an app on his phone called iJiggle, but you can take pictures and move certain parts of it. It's supposed to be so you can take a picture of a girl and make her boobs jiggle. Pervy guys totally came up with that one.

ytoby8 said...

I'm the developer of poop the world, and if you actually look at the app, you'll see it is just a bunch of cute/benign cartoon images...it's a joke, for people with a sense of humor...with cool gps technology

Tim

www.pooptheworld.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3Rz56A2aKo

Krystyn said...

There was one briefly that was to shake a baby! Disturbing!

Al said...

haha omg i have been dying to read this post since ur twitter comment yesterday!!!

that last one is just weird. sorry mr creator man.... i guess its a male thing

Heidi said...

Ok you just totally got my curiosity up for this whole Iphone app. stuff. I'm going right now to check it out. I blame you now for my toilets not getting cleaned.

Lauren said...

Great post. My kids are constantly downloading the freebie apps to my itouch...and I have often wondered who really comes up with these things... but hey, you never know when you're going to have an overwhelming need to pop bubble wrap, or fight someone with a light saber.

You made me LOL.

thanks for swinging by my blog today -- I'm glad to connect with another AXO. :)

Anonymous said...

I just looked up the "Poop the World" app on my iTouch and it has quotes about what people say about it. If you didn't already know, I thought you'd like to know that your quote is on there! :-)
LOL

Jen said...

I'm showing my husband this post. He is App-Obsessed. He has an ipod touch, not the iphone and I swear he spends most of his free time searching for new apps. It is an addiction!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

This is the best post I have come across in a while, Patrice. I have been dreaming up something similar...a post where I talk about the iPhone apps I would invent. I see some pretty hilarious ideas have already been taken. :)

Oh, and the fact that you were quoted on one of the application reviews makes this post even more enjoyable.

Well done!

-Francesca

Holly said...

Hahahah! To be honest, I think the fat app would amuse me too, and I'm not a 5 year old boy at all!

(army)Wife said...

A virtual lighter and shy bladder? Um ok...I don't get it, but then again I'm not an iphone kind of girl, so maybe that has something to do with it. The iFart app though...that would be friggin hilarious...but than again I've always been kind of immature in that area :)

The New Black said...

How crazy...there is really an app for everything!

Twin XL said...

Who thinks these things up????

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