How Cancer Has Touched My Life

November 19, 2009 was the day my life changed forever. This was the day that the word "cancer" became synonymous with the word "sister." As in, my then 16 year old sister Anna may have cancer.

I remember when it all started vividly; it was the night before all the craziness began. I was on my way to work and on the phone with my mom. One of the things she told me that stuck with me was that Anna had a doctor's appointment tomorrow to find out why she was having hip pain, and that she and my dad were going. This is unusual, so I was surprised and commented (ironically) "this is serious." I really didn't think it was; that's why I said that. Because my sister was an aches and pains kind of girl; something always hurt. So she was having hip pain? Tomorrow she'll get over it, I thought. But I've never forgotten my mom's answer "well, we're hoping it's not." What? I was confused; how could some little hip pain be something serious? It never, not even once occurred me to me that it could be so serious, so life threatening.

The next day is a blur; I was waiting to hear from my mom after the doctors appointment. I remember bits and pieces; I remember that she had a doctor's appointment and the next thing I knew she was in the hospital getting a biopsy. It was hard being so far away, I felt out of the loop and I wanted to be there. I remember my parents were trying not to worry me, so they told me it wasn't serious.

Later that day, I was sitting in my best friend's room checking my facebook when I saw that my aunt had posted on my sister's wall. "I love you," she wrote, "whatever this is you can do it. We'll get through it." "What is she talking about?" I thought. I went to my sister's profile and tons of people had written on her wall. "You can do this," they said. "You are so strong, I know you can fight." Fight? Fight what? At this point, I had no idea that cancer was even a possibility. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read my best friend what people were saying. I called my mom immediately. "Why is everyone telling Anna she can fight and that she'll get through this? What are they talking about?", I asked her through tears. That's when I knew. I knew that this was bad. That it was serious.

It took several days after the biopsy to get an official diagnosis. I went home shortly after that for Thanksgiving break and I remember telling my sister "You probably don't even have Cancer. It's just a scare, you're fine." We both knew I wasn't right, no matter how much we wanted it to be true.

I couldn't sleep for days after the diagnosis. It was cancer. Ewing's Sarcoma, to be exact. And even worse... Stage IV. What was going to happen now? Would she die? The thought of that terrified me and broke my heart into a million pieces.

Two and a half years later, countless chemo and radiation treatments my sister has been through it all. There is no treatment left for her. The cancer is slowly taking over her body but yet her spirit and amazing personality are persevering.

Cancer is an awful thing and it has touched and taken too many lives. Abolish Cancer is an organization that is hoping to change that. They are seeking out the cure for cancer and working to abolish cancer from their lives. Today, they have asked everyone who has been touched by cancer in some way or another to share their story. Together, we will work to abolish cancer!

If you are new here from Abolish Cancer, please sign up to pray for Anna here and read her caring bridge. Anna's battle with cancer is chronicled on my blog here from the beginning.

My amazingly strong sister and I on her high school graduation day.

My Sister, My Friend

Tuesday was a special day in our house; it was my sisters 18th birthday! I know this post is a little long overdue, but there are reasons for that! First of all, she spent her actual birthday in the hospital until about 9:30 that night and she hasn't been feeling well for awhile.

Thursday, she woke up feeling better than she has in a long time. She had a lot of energy and said she was in basically no pain (a huge deal as she has pretty much permanently been in some kind of pain lately). Since she was feeling so great, she declared that today was "meant to be her birthday!" So, we finally opened all her presents and we even had her birthday dinner at Kobe Steakhouse! It was so great to see her feeling so much like herself and pain free.

So the celebration just happened and a birthday post for my sister is a big deal; I couldn't just write down some words and call it a day, I wanted it to be special! Special= a lot of time going into it.

My mom likes to tell the story of how when my sister was born, every time she would cry or make noise, I would say "Let's play a game!" or something to keep the attention on me. I would say this is an accurate portrayal of our relationship; I have always been jealous of my sister. Jealous that she was prettier, skinnier, and the "favorite" of our parents. My irrational jealousy, however, did not stop me from becoming super close to my sister.

For as long as I can remember, my sister and I loved hanging out. When we were younger, we played everything under the sun; we played pretend; teachers, grown ups, teenagers. You name it, we probably did it! Whether we were inside or in the pool or running around outside, we were always together.

We are 3 1/2 years apart, so obviously there were times when the age difference was tough. I will never forget when I was about 13 and she was 10 (give or take a couple years, I'm not sure).  Before that, we spent most of our time together. Once I got older, I started making more friends and going out with them more. My sister didn't understand why I was going out without her and not hanging out with her. I remember feeling so guilty and my heart was just completely broken that I made my sister so sad. Obviously, she got over it and went through plenty of times when she didn't want me around, so it all equaled out!

Throughout the years, although we were close that didn't stop us from fighting. We definitely had our fair share of fights. Over what to watch on TV, who was right and wrong, borrowing each others stuff; you name it, we probably argued over it at least once. There was even the infamous TV remote fight that we still laugh about today; we were arguing over what to watch on TV or something, so she threw the remote at me and hit me in the head! There were even times we said "I hate you", but we both knew we didn't mean it. The one blessing that comes from her being sick is that we fight so much less now. It made me realize that the little things aren't a big deal, and I am much more appreciative of our time together now.

Although we were excited to celebrate her birthday, there was definitely some sadness surrounding the day. Especially because she was in the hospital, a sad reminder of what she is going through and how unknown the future is. The truth is, we don't know if she'll celebrate her 19th birthday. You can say that for anyone, I know, because tomorrow is not a guarantee but it is especially not a guarantee when you have cancer and your treatment has ended. But, instead of focusing on that, I am focusing on the good. That she was surrounded by people who love her when she got home on her birthday, and again Thursday for her birthday dinner. That she felt well enough to celebrate her birthday at all.

Because there just aren't words to accurately describe how I feel about my sister, I am stealing borrowing some from the card I gave her. (Thanks Hallmark!)

There's no friend like a sister

to share life's ups and downs,

To laugh with you and cry with you 

And make smiles out of frowns.

There's no friend like a sister, 

and no sister quite like you-

The kind of friend I'm glad to have 

To love my whole life through! 

"I was thinking just today, About how we used to play Barbie dolls and make-up, Tea parties dress up. I remember how we'd fight, Then make up and laugh all night. Wish we were kids again. My sister, my friend"- Reba McEntire, My Sister

 

Happy 18th Birthday, Anna! I love you!! 

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times...

So I've been a little MIA this week thanks to something I like to call hell week finals week. Needless to say, I've been a little busy wrapping up the semester. But now? I am DONE! Done with my junior year of college and moving on up to the big role of being a SENIOR! (I think I just had a small heart attack just typing that sentence) So, although I am definitely not bummed that school is out for the summer, I am completely bummed (to say the least) to be leaving my friends and my sorority sisters. It definitely makes this a very bittersweet time.

I say this every year, but seriously time flies! I can't believe that I only have a year left of college. I will never forget pulling up in front of my dorm the first time I got to campus, and thinking I had made a huge mistake. I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces and thought surely this whole college thing wasn't for me. If it were up to me, I would've turned that car around and never looked back! Luckily, some cute boys came up and offered to help me with my stuff and I decided I might like it here after all! And guess what?! I did!

I never thought I would end up going to school in Missouri, and sometimes I wish I didn't.  I can't just drive home whenever I feel like it. Instead of piling all my stuff into my car and driving a couple hours, I am struggling to fit everything into two suitcases that can fly home with me. To get home is a long day of traveling from one place to another.

But it is all worth it because my school is my home now. It's my home away from home, it's a place I look forward to going to and a place I hate to leave. It's where my best friends and my sisters are, and those people mean the world to me!

Junior year, like every other year, has been good and bad. I made some great memories, did some great things but all the while dealing with the sad news that my sister was sick once again. I am truly blessed, however, to be where I was while dealing with the sad news. The best therapy I could possibly ask for is just being with my sisters and my friends. They make me smile and laugh so hard my stomach hurts even when I feel like crying! I'm going to miss them so much this summer!!

The end of the year is always hard; you're packing up your stuff to move home for 3 whole months without seeing most of your friends that whole time. It is a sad time. This year, though, is especially sad for a couple reasons. First of all my best friend graduated today. I can't imagine life at school without her, and saying goodbye was so hard! Second of all, as one of my sorority sisters in my pledge class pointed out, this is the last time that we will leave for summer knowing that we will return in the fall. Next summer, when I move out of Alpha Chi Omega, that's it. It will really be over. It is definitely hard to imagine my college days coming to a close.

As I think about the summer, despite the fact that I am so sad to leave my friends, I know home is where I need to be this summer. It's going to be a rough one for my sister and my family, but I feel blessed that I get to be here. To have this time with them. Not everyone gets the luxury of going home for the summer, so I am remembering to count my blessings for the time I get to spend with my family.

So, right now it is truly the best of times and the worst of times. It is so hard to say goodbye to everyone and think about what I'm going to do without seeing them everyday. But, another semester is behind me and I can finally relax and spend much needed time with my family. As a friend texted me today when I was sad about leaving school:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!" :)

All the great memories that were formed this year! :)

Freshman year 
Sophomore Year 

Bin Laden is Dead... and Facebook reacts.

I'll be honest... I found out that Osama Bin Laden was dead on Facebook. It seems as though the first thing everyone did upon the news breaking was rush to their computers and update their Facebook Status. Facebook was literally overflowing with status updates about the news.

Back in the day when Obama was elected, I compiled the different reactions on facebook into a blog post. When I saw all the statues about Bin Laden's death, I knew I had to do the same. Most were celebrating, some were scary and some were hilarious! Check it out... 

The Celebrations:

•  America!! F Yea!!
• Godbless America and the men and women that caught Osama. 'Merica 
• Special thanks to all our soldiers for their courage and bravery. God bless America! :)
•  ...good to see bad things happen to bad people. 
• Well Done Presidents Bush and Obama, The CIA, US special forces, The Navy seals that killed Osama (I would like to shake your hands), and all our soldiers making us proud over seas. Burn in hell a$$ hole. USA!!!!! 
• Would love to been that small group of americans that took that bitch out!
•  WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS...at least for now...USA!! USA!! USA!!

A lot of them were thought provoking and/or quotes: 

•  It's a little disturbing how many people are celebrating a death with such hateful joy. I'm all for justice, but I'd like to think we're...you know...actually better than/different than the terrorists. That being said: adios, sucka 
• Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live? - Ezekiel 18:23 
• "We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail."- George W. Bush, Speech after 9/11 attacks
•  "Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty." President John F. Kennedy 
• "Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve." -George W. Bush

The Scary:

• evil never dies one leader falls another rises...think about that.
• While OBL might very well be dead, think of what this might mean for our men and women in uniform and for ourselves, when the inevitable backlash occurs. Please keep this in mind while you're popping champagne corks and toasting one another. 
• hey people, just cause he is dead doesnt mean the war is over..... he was ONE person... there are thousands more just like him.

The Funny:

• Autopsy results show Toby Keith's boot inserted into bin laden's rectum 
• Osama Ghost: Well this sucks...I accidentally enabled location on my tweets. 
• I hope Zuck made Facebook strong enough to withstand the day our United States military heroes took out that jack wagon Osama! 
• "I have never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." (Mark Twain)  
• We should bury Obama and Osama next to each other 
• BREAKING NEWS: Chuck Norris returns from trip to Afghanistan. 
• wrap that in your turban and wear it 
• "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way." 
• FOX NEWS EMERGENCY UPDATE: New information suggesting that Osama Bin Laden was actually killed 49 years ago and has now been reincarnated into a multi-racial top political official is beginning to surface. 
• I was going to write a status about Bin Laden being dead...but I think Facebook got the message 
• Well, looks like Obama just got himself another 4 years. 
• Bin laden... best player ever in hide and seek... dead. 

There was even a group some of my friends were joining called "cancel finals in celebration of Bin Laden's death"! As college student I have to appreciate that! 


I always say when something big like this happens, if you want to know how people really feel log on to facebook and read their statuses! People don't hold back on Facebook, that's for sure! I was one of the few who didn't update my status tonight, but if I did I would go with the simple and generic "God Bless America." Today, I am proud to be an American!

When Vlogging Goes Wrong

So today, inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, I decided I would make my very first vlog! I had some free time this afternoon and my roommate wasn't home, so I could do it in the comfort of my own room, so I got to work.

I knew I had to look good for my vlogging debut, so I straightened my hair, put make up on and even made sure to put a blue shirt on because it brings out my eyes! Then, I got my laptop set up and rearranged myself to look the best. I tried all kinds of positions, if you will; sitting up, laying down, putting my computer up a little. Finally I came up with an awkwardly low head tilt thingy* that didn't give me a double chin but I wasn't laying down because that would be weird. So, I was ready.

Well, I guess the vlogging gods were not happy with me, because it was not going well. My first take, I decided to quote the quote that is in my header. Well, I got flustered and totally forgot it. So I had to stop and start again. I figured I could just mesh the two together somehow and go with it. Great plan, right? Yeah, except I guess when I titled my computer lower to reduce the whole double chin thing, it covered up my microphone or something because it recorded without sound. So much for that. This is what I got from that.

Not so interesting when you can't hear me right? Fail #1.

So, not one to give up easily (actually, that's not true but whatever), I tried again. I talked for about 30 seconds, then decided I didn't like it, so I tried again. 3 more times. All 3 times there was no sound. So then, I went on a minor rant about how it wasn't working. Then I was all no one wants to hear you complain. So I scratched that.

Then I did a couple more. And of course, once again it didn't have sound. At this point, I started getting frustrated. I mean, this one was perfect! No double chin? Check. Look pretty? Check. Talked well, told a good story, didn't ramble, etc? Check. Sound? NO CHECK! ugh! Here's a screenshot just in case you didn't believe me that I looked good in this one!

Looking good right?!! Haha I swear I am not usually this obsessed with how I look, but it's my first vlog! I wanted to look cute!

Finally, I thought I had the perfect one! I didn't ramble too much, I looked good. Except, when I went to move it into iPhoto, I realized it only recorded 56 seconds of it. It was supposed to be more like 5 minutes. What!!? Here's the beginning of my vlog, all that got recorded.

It was a pretty good start but obviously incomplete. At this point I was just too frustrated to keep going and my roommate came home so obviously I couldn't keep talking to my computer! Plus, I was late for work so I had to go! I tried again when I got home from work, but by that point I looked tired and I was just not feeling it anymore.

If there is anything I've learned lately with all that is going on with my sister, it is when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So even though the vlogging thing didn't really work out, I could still make a humorous blog post with my outtakes!

For one final laugh, I love this video. I was testing out my voice before I started and my face at the end of this is priceless! I don't know what I was thinking, I guess that I don't like my voice! I just thought I would share. You have to laugh at yourself once in awhile right?!

So maybe I'll try the vlogging thing again sometime. But for now, this is just one vlog gone very, very wrong!

*When holding your head like this for an hour and a half, you get serious neck pain. Just thought I would share that beauty really is pain!

Counting My Blessings

Sometimes you have to look at life and think about how you blessed you are. Maybe it's the holiday, maybe it's personal stuff going on, or maybe, in my case, it's certain events that take place that make you think "Wow, I am blessed". Either way, I figured I would share how I've been blessed lately.

Friday was a long day of traveling to get home for Easter weekend. A little background info- I go to school an hour and a half away from the St. Louis airport. Southwest flies directly from St. Louis to Dallas, so it is the best airport for me to fly out of even if it's not close. Because A) I don't have a car and B) even if I did, it would cost a fortune to park it at the airport, I take a shuttle service that drives back and forth to and from the airport. The bus from the shuttle service picks me up at a McDonald's about 10-15 minutes outside of my college town, so I get a friend to drop me off there.

Thursday I was asking around for a ride to the McDonald's and everyone was either going home already or had class at that time (yes, we had class on Good Friday. We also have class the Monday after Easter. Don't get me started!). Finally, I found a generous friend who was willing to take me! Well, when Friday rolled around things didn't go so smoothly. I needed to be at the bus by 2:20. I texted my friend at 2 to let her know I was ready and didn't hear anything back. I started to get nervous, but figured we still had time; it was no big deal yet. Well when 2:10 rolled around and I still hadn't heard from her, I started to panic. I called her and there was no answer. Time was running out quickly. Finally, I called another friend who said she was willing to take me. I am so thankful for this friend.

On the way, I called the main office to see if they could let the bus driver know I was gonna be like 5 minutes late. He said they could stall for 5 minutes, but not longer than that. I got there at 2:25. I just barely made the bus.

After a long ride, I made it to the airport, got my bag checked and everything. As I waited for my flight, I started to notice it was getting pretty dark outside. I noticed a bunch of dark clouds rolling in and I hoped it wouldn't affect my flight. Little did I know what was coming that way...

I made it home safely and was enjoying a nice, quiet evening with my family and our next door neighbors/great family friends. Then, I got a text delivering such scary news: The airport I had just been at a few hours ago in St. Louis was directly hit by a tornado.

The airport on Saturday with debris from the storm. Image from St. Louis Today.

Immediately, I thought over my day. I thought about how close I was to missing that bus. If my friend hadn't sped, if I hadn't found the second friend to take me, if I had been just another minute or two later I would've missed the bus. Which meant I would have to be on the later bus, which meant I may or may not make my flight. Which means I could have easily been at the airport when the tornado hit.

All I could think was how blessed I was. Seriously, I believe a higher power was looking out for me because I got so unbelievably lucky. This weekend has been a seriously emotional one for my family and I. We got some bad news about my sister, and we are trying to deal with what comes next. (More on that later.) I don't talk about religion a whole lot, and I am not usually one to just throw out God's name when something goes my way, but I truly, truly believe that He knew I needed to be here this weekend. He orchestrated everything so that I could be here with my family in our time of need.

And another blessing; Southwest's terminal was very minimally damaged, and they have already started having planes fly in and out again. Which means I won't shouldn't have any trouble getting back Monday morning. One less thing to worry about when my heart is already heavy with other things.

So, for now, even though my mind and my heart are heavy with the opposite of blessings, I am choosing to be thankful for the blessings that have occurred. I am choosing to focus on the good, and doing my best to deal with the not-so-good.

Make A Wish Monday: 5th Edition

Make A Wish Monday has reached it's fifth week! I am excited that I have been able to share all these great stories with you all so far, and I am looking forward to telling a new one every week! I love this weeks story because it is so fun! I think she made a great choice in what to wish for!

Tabitha is the feature of this weeks wish story! She is a 12 year old girl from Florida, and her wish was to go to a place she had only seen in movies; New York City!

The Make-A-Wish Foundation not only granted her wish to go to New York, but also gave her the movie star treatment; starting by picking her, her mom and her 13 year old sister up in a stretch limo to go to the airport.


Tabitha and her sister Anna in front of their limo!

When they got to the airport, her royal treatment continued; the pilot invited Tabitha into the cockpit and showed her all the planes instruments and how they worked.


Tabitha and her new pilot friend!

When they got to New York City, Tabitha and her family stayed in a luxurious hotel that was within blocks of Central Park, Roosevelt Island, Times Square and several great shopping destinations. During her five days in New York City, Tabitha spent her time site-seeing at the Statue of Liberty and the Museum of Natural History. She also saw three Broadway shows, and finally completed her stay in NYC with a scene straight from the movies; a carriage ride through Central Park!


Tabitha and her sister in front of the Museum of Natural History

Tabitha's mom expressed her thanks to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, saying "I wanted to thank you so much for Tabitha’s wonderful wish. The limos were enormous and the drivers were all so kind. The seats to the shows were all excellent. The weather was even perfect! We had such a great time and will always remember our wish trip. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I love this wish because isn't it every 13 year old girls dream to get to go to New York and get treated like a celebrity?! The Make-A-Wish Foundation makes dreams like this come true, which is why they are so amazing!

Don't forget World Wish Day is April 29! That is 1 week from this Friday!! That would be a great opportunity to give back to the Make-A-Wish Foundation with a monetary donation, a donation of something like airline miles or just by spreading the word about Make-A-Wish on your blog! :)



*All images and content came from the Make-A-Wish Foundation's website, wish.org*