The Big 2-0!

Yesterday was a big day for me... 20 years ago yesterday I came into this world!! Yesterday was my 20th birthday! I had a great day with really great friends & was so busy celebrating I didn't get this post up until now! ;)

I can't believe I'm 20... I'm so old! Although 20 sometimes gets overlooked because you're jsut waiting for the next year so you can turn 21, I think 20 is pretty significant! I am no longer a teenager anymore, and I am closer to being a woman.

I was so ready to be 20, I hated being ninteen because of that suffix on the end of the word... teen. You see, once upon a time, that suffix was something I longed for, I couldn't wait for, in fact I had to be a "pre-teen" before my age even had "teen" in it! But by the time I was nineteen I wanted nothing more than to be rid of that "teen" title and be associated with children! I feel like 20 sounds more adult, more grown up, and not child-like!

19 made my blog title, Not a girl not yet a woman, ring even more true than it already did because it was like I was so close to being a woman, but not quite there and I felt like a child every time I said I was 19! Now I'm in a whole new demographic, the 20's!

19 was a good year... a lot happened in a year:

• I had my first big break up 
• I hit a bloggy milestone!
• Learned some very important lessons! 
• Finished my 1st year of college!
• Got an amazing internship with College Lifestyles!
• Said goodbye to my first car. 
• Returned for my second year of college and got to work on my 1st rush!

Overall, I'd say it was a pretty big year. Lots of change, but lots of goodness! I can't wait to see what 20 has to hold!

Last year, for my birthday, I asked to break my comment record, and you guys made it happen! Jen E @ Momma Blogs A Lot even made me my own virtual birthday card! So this year what do I want?! Well, a happy birthday from each one of my followers would be nice! And that would break my record from last year! ;)

No Place Like Home!

First of all I know I haven't posted in forever. This is terrible! I am going to make myself get back to blogging. I just haven't been able to get out of my own head, convincing myself all my posts suck! Anyway, I hate for my first post in over a month to be such a downer, but what better place to vent than my blog!?

When I made the choice to go to school 10 hours away from home, I was okay with it because I knew I made the right decision about where to go to school and I was right. I got lucky and felt really at home here right away, so I rarely get homesick. This felt like my new home. Plus, I'm lucky enough that my family is able to come visit me a lot, so it's not like I never see them. so far this semester, I've seen my mom twice, my sister once and my dad will be here in a couple weeks!

But, sometimes that homesick feeling creeps up on me. This weekend is fall break. Granted, it's not that big of a deal; we get one day off from classes, but since most people are from close by pretty much everyone is going home. And it's times like these, when the sorority house is empty and not many people are around to hang out with, that I wish I could go home for a weekend. It's not that I can't, but I have to plan way ahead to do that; order plane tickets, find a ride, schedule the bus, etc. It's not like I can just hop into the car, and be home in a couple hours. And sometimes, that sucks.

Right now, I'm just feeling a little lonely and would love to curl up on the couch at home and have my mom spoil me, and for some reason that's making me sad. It doesn't help that my plans for this weekend apparently fell through and no one notified me (another story for another time).

It's not the end of the world, clearly, but I miss my house and my family and I am a little jealous of all the people who can hop in their car and drive home for a weekend. I'm lucky that I have a second family here, though, with my sorority sisters, and I know I'll get through the weekend just fine. Every once in awhile I just miss home... like Dorothy said "There's no place like home!"

A Personal Ad

So in case you didn't know I am single, really really single as in the only males I ever talk to are someone elses boyfriend, guys that may or may not be gay, and guys that I could never see as anything more than platonic. So, in light of all this I have decided to take out a personal ad on my blog. I know what you're thinking... lame, and who meets anyone on the internet?! But it's not what you think...

My personal ad I'm taking out here on my blog is NOT for a guy. No it is not for a girl either... well at least not in a romantic way. I am taking out an ad for some single friends. I need other single girls to hang out when everyone else is with their boyfriends. It's pretty annoying when you're just looking for some company and everyone is occupied with boys. What ever happened to quality girl time? What ever happened to "F**k guys, I just wanna dance!" (That's a Dane Cook reference in case you didn't catch it!)

So, I'm seeking a college age, preferably straight just so there's no confusion, female, any size any color whatever. The only qualification is that you are completely single! And you want to hang out... I need some quality girl time. And no, listening to you talk about your boyfriend and how great he is or how great the sex is doesn't count! It would help if we could hang out IRL but, you know, blog friends/ twitter friends are welcome too!

So if you think you fit the description, let me know! You'd think that in a house full of 69 girls I could probably find some single friends, but all my good friends seem to have been taken by the relationship bug and suddenly don't have time for anything else anymore. Which is the reason for this ad! Do you need a personal ad for something, too?! Speak your peace and those of us in need can unite!!

Drawing Blanks

I know it's been like a million years since I posted here. Recruitment was over almost 2 weeks ago (read about it here!), so I can't really use that excuse anymore. I have been trying to post; I have like 5 drafts over the last couple weeks that I start, and then I can't finish. There in lies the problem.

Every time I start to write something lately, I think this sucks. I shouldn't post it. or I sound stupid. Or what if someone IRL reads it who I don't want to read it and it causes drama? I guess I just can't get out of my own head, and it is causing problems!

I remember feeling frustrated like this before, like I want to post but I can't because of problem A B or C. So I did some digging and found this post I wrote a few months ago. It's really great when you can give yourself a pep talk! Like I said in that post, I blog for me and the rest of it like comments & blog friends is an added bonus, but is not the focus. I can't worry so much about the fact that my writing sucks or I sound like an awful person because so what!? If I was writing a diary on paper that no one but me read, I would probably suck at writing sometimes, and I would probably sound selfish or something at times because that's real life! If I'm just writing for me, I wouldn't be constantly self-editing to the point where I don't even want to post anymore!

So if my writing sucks and I sound like an awful person, I'm sorry, but later when I'm looking back on my blog, remembering this time in my life, I want there to be something to read. It's not the same going through your drafts folder and reading half written posts or even full written posts that never got posted or never finished. I guess its true when people say you are your own harshest critic. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself...

So I just needed this little pep talk to remind me that whatever I post has a purpose, it serves as a memory, and that is a good enough reason to post whatever I want! I guess if I'm being true to my word I should post one of those drafts that's already finished or half finished, but I figured I might as well put this in writing first! I'll get back to the other stuff eventually.. or not. We'll see...

Blog Neglect

I feel like I've been seriously neglecting my blog, and I kind of have but not as bad as I thought since my last post was Saturday which feels like an eternity ago, but in reality was only a few days ago!

Anyway, I have a good excuse, really I do. This week is rush at Alpha Chi Omega (my sorority), and we are incredibly busy taking part in that and preparing for it. And I'm exhausted. We all are. But this week is super special because we have to focus on what it is that made us join this chapter, what it is that we love about being here, and there couldn't be a better time for me to focus on all of this. I was feeling homesick before I even left home, and then I got back here and it was like we had never left. I found myself giddy at the littlest things about being back here; the way our sorority house smells (it's a good smell unlike some of the frat houses! haha), the walk to the dining hall chatting with sisters, the fact that anytime I need to talk I have 4o+ girls that are just a walk down the hall or down the stairs who will listen at anytime about anything. This really is my second home, and I couldn't have chosen a better one. Which is why I'm so excited to pass that on to incoming students that will hopefully feel the same way at this time next year.

It's crazy to think it was just a year ago that I was on the other side of all this; visiting the different houses, trying to make the right decision. It was scary and exciting all at the same time! Not to mention that all of this was going on as I was adapting to this brand new place. But, it worked out. It was meant to be. This is where I belong. And that makes all the homesickness fade, makes all of the boring nights of summer completely worth it, makes the long trip to get here completely worth it.

So, I won't be around much (most likely at all) for the next week. If you wanna take a trip down memory lane with me, go back and read about my first day of school last year, which will have been a year ago tomorrow. I can't believe how far I've come... Also, I had some pretty fantastic guest posts written for me this time last year as well, so check those out too!

This picture from Bid Day last year (picniked by one of my sorority sisters) says it all: "Every girl needs at least one friend to come to for support... I'm lucky enough to have 65."

Goodbyes: Not Easier the Second Time

If you would have asked me at the beginning of this summer if I would be sad to leave home and go back to school, I probably would have laughed at you. "Yeah, right," I would have said, "I can't wait to go back." But now that it's actually real... I'm an emotional wreck! Thursday was my last day of work, and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye because I had to rush off to get my hair cut & colored (more on that later, for now see pic here!). So yesterday I went back to see everyone before I left this morning. I've been lucky enough to work at my dad's office the past four summers answering phones & doing other odd jobs. My dad has worked for the company, which was started by his uncle so includes a lot of family members, since I was 1 year old. So a lot of these people I now work with are like my second family; they've watched me grow up. And the others, i've worked with them with several years now, so they've become really good friends! After I left from saying goodbye today, I started tearing up. "What is wrong with me?" I thought. This is not normal! Sure, last year the goodbyes were hard because I didn't know when I would be back, and there was so much unknown. But this year, I have more to look forward to. I'm going back to my sorority sisters & some of my best friends! I shouldn't be sad about that! But I can't seem to shake the feeling of being sad. And it is a familiar feeling; it's the same feeling I had when I was leaving school. So you would think I would be happy to get back there, and it's not that I'm not, but I'm sad, really sad to leave and to say goodbye. And those goodbyes today were only the first; today is another day of more goodbyes. Saying goodbye to my dad and to my sister, and a couple days after that my mom. The other night, in the middle of the night, I started thinking about these goodbyes that were so close & I cried! And those were just the first tears. There were many more to come and still will be I'm sure. It's a weird feeling, this whole leaving thing. As I was packing up my stuff this morning getting ready to go, I felt like I was just going on another trip. That I would be back in a week, or two weeks. But the truth is I don't know when I'll be back maybe in a month maybe in 3, maybe more. And when I think about that truth, the tears come again!

In the end, when I really think about it, I suppose that this is a good thing. Even though the sadness sucks, the fact that I am sad leaving both places means I'm happy both places, and for that I'm so lucky. I'm lucky that I have a great family I don't want to leave. And I'm lucky I have great friends at a great school I also don't want to leave. It's just the goodbyes that kill me... so from now I'll just go with "see you soon," because I know I will. It's not like it's goodbye forever! I just might shed a few tears in between those see you soon's...

My Newfound Career Plan!

Who needs college anyway!? I have my found my new career, starting... immediately! So, sign up now while you can before I get booked! What? You want to know what it is?! Fine I'll tell you! I have decided my new career will be a facebook teacher! You don't know what that is?! Well, it's simple really (well not simple, I mean it's not like anyone could do it. It takes a special kind of person like me!). This summer I have been helping my parents become active facebook users! I know what you're thinking, why would I help my parents get a facebook? Most people don't want their parents on facebook, but luckily I have pretty cool parents & nothing to hide! Plus when I'm at school I want them to stay updated on my life! Anyway, back to the point. Since I have been helping them learn how to use facebook, I have become pretty good at explaining how to do stuff, what everything means, etc. Anyway, yesterday at work my 30-something year old cousin asked me to explain facebook to him, teach him how to use it, that kind of thing... and *bam* my career was born! You see, there's a pretty good market for this kind of thing. Facebook is no longer just for your average college student like myself, it is now for teens, pre-teens & even *gasp* grown ups like my parents! And a lot of these new users need a few little "how-to lessons?," and that's where I come in! I set up a few classes, with step by step how-to's on facebook, with a small charge for each session (my mom has volunteered to manage the financial side of things for my booming business!). And this is just the first step! I can teach you how to blog, how to tweet, whatever you need to know, I'm your girl (for a small fee of course). It's brilliant, right?! And I'll even give you a discount for being my special bloggy friends! :) So, what do you think!? Brilliant, right? I know, I know. You can think me later!