Two Girls & A Scary Reptile

Growing up with only a sister, the girls always outnumbered the one boy (my dad) in our house. Even our dog is a girl! Personally, I love having a sister and wouldn't change it for anything. There are some times, though, that we could probably use a little more testosterone in the house. Today was one of those times.

My sister was upstairs getting ready to meet her friends when I heard her call me. I went to go see what she needed, and I found her standing in the bathroom. I asked if she called me and she responded "help!" I panicked a little. Was she bleeding? Was something hurting? "What is wrong?!" I asked her. Then she told me the problem. Nothing was wrong with her, but there was an intruder in her bathroom. A lizard. And this lizard had made its self at home inside of her wig (gross!). She was freaking out and didn't know what to do, so she called me.

I was not much help, unfortunately. I am seriously afraid of reptiles, especially lizards. I don't know what it is, but they freak me out. They are just so gross and creepy. I really can't explain my aversion to them, it is just something about them I find sooooo off putting. So, naturally, I started freaking out and screaming like a girl. "Anna," I told her, "I hate lizards! I can't handle this! I don't know what to do!" I was so repulsed and had no idea what to do with this disgusting creature.

I did the first thing I could think of; I grabbed a bunch of tissues and tried to capture it. Well, that didn't work very well. So, new plan. All the while, we were both squealing like little girls and saying "OMG" over and over. Finally, we decide that we need to get it out of the wig, so we shake it, and sure enough the lizard comes flying out of the wig onto the floor. Great, now what? My sister grabbed a make up box or something to try and capture it in, but the stupid thing crawled into the hallway and found itself a corner to make itself comfortable in. Right next to my room, no less. Awesome.

So, we try to figure out what to do, and at this point, it decides to crawl into my room. At this point I'm totally freaking out even more because OMG, gross, IT'S IN MY ROOM. EW. I decide to do the next logical thing, call my mom. So she answers and I'm all "OMG." and she's like "What's going on?". "Um, there is a lizard in our house! And we don't know what to do with it." After I tell her this, she laughs. What is funny about this?! She thinks it's ridiculous I'm freaking out. No, it's not, it's gross! So, she tells me to chill out (not gonna happen) and get a broom and a dust pan, and sweep up the lizard and take it outside.

Alright, so now we have a plan of action. I go downstairs to get the broom and stuff, still freaking out. So, I come back with the broom, we take the box off that Anna put over him, and sure enough, he starts moving. EW. So, I quickly and frantically start sweeping (on the carpet, no less. Not the easiest surface to try to sweep something up) trying to get the lizard in the dust pan. Finally, I am successful and I start to make a run for the front door, but before I can even take two steps, the stupid thing crawls out of the dust pan. So now I am furiously sweeping the stupid lizard and Anna, who has always been empathetic to even the grossest animals (we used to have possums in our attic and when the animal control people captured them, Anna would name them!) is saying "don't kill it!". Oops. Too late. I guess I swept a little too hard, and well the lizard suffered the consequences. At least now I could sweep it into the dust pan and get it far, far away from my room!

So I take it outside and throw it in the yard and try not to throw up from getting a close look at it in the light. Gross. Anyway, right in the middle of all this chaos of trying to capture the lizard, my sister (who has always wanted an older brother, but instead she got me, ha!) says "see, this is why we need a brother! To do this kind of stuff for us." Good point, Anna. Too bad we're about 15 years too late to get a new sibling. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to suck it up and get over our girly fears!

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erin. said...

Yuck! I'm sure you both did a fine job getting it out. Was Anna freaking out because it was in her wig? I'm sure my sister would have. Definitely a reason for having a brother-- I have none either & often think that about bugs and critters.

Crayon Wrangler said...

You, my girl, are a heck of a writer! I could visualize the story and got the heebie-jeebies right along with you. I always wanted a brother for the same reason, so I was relieved when I finally married my very own bug squashing, spider capturing and lizard chasing guy!

I love that you sent me your link and will be back to read more of your wonderful writer's voice!

Serenity said...

We always have small geckos in our yard that our cat is trying to eat. Fortunately, nne of them has ever found their way inside the house. Retiles in the house #menolikey -- great post!

bloomedinjune said...

Craziness! Thankfully I've never had to experience that, but if I did I'd probably be freaking out as much as you! And the brother thing? I have two brothers, and I've had to kill spiders for THEM-not the other way around;)

Rebecca Louise. said...

If only this was filmed!

Rebecca Louise. said...

If only this was filmed!

Krystyn said...

That is too funny! My sister and I were never really scared of them. We always grabbed them and played with them. Natalie is in trouble though, because Izzy is terrified!

Rose said...

Really enjoyed your blog post! Visiting from #31DBBB!

Funsucker Extraordinaire said...

Leapin' Lizards!

I have a brother and let me tell you they worthless for this sort of stuff. They are usually the ones dropping the lizard down the back of your dress not sweeping them out the door for you. You don't need a brother, you need a cat!

Great story! Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

That had me laughing! Great post :)

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