Things that don't help when going through a break up

I promise my blog is not being taken over by me feeling sorry for myself over the whole break up thing... however in my defense it has only been a week, and it's my blog I should be able to write whats on my mind, and whether I like it or not, this is on my mind. Anyway, lately I've been getting a lot of advice and sympathy going through this whole thing. Some people are really helpful, and my friends are an amazing support system. I'm lucky to be in a house full of people who really care. However, sometimes when people think they are helping they just aren't. Here's some of the not-so-helpful-but-trying-to-be comments that I've gotten lately:

  • There are plenty of fish in the sea- While this may be true, yes. 1. It's a small school & a small town, so I kind of feel like my options are limited, and 2. That's not really what I want to here right now.
  • You can do so much better- again, this may be true, but again, not what I want to hear right now. It honestly just pisses me off coming from friends because when we were together, we were "so cute" and he's "such a good guy" and now all the sudden he's not good enough? I can understand if he was a jerk about the break up, but as I said, he wasn't.
  • You can't keep doing this to yourself, stop thinking about it all- I got this as I was crying... like it was my fault I was upset, like I want to feel like total crap! Like I want to obsessively think about everything, to the point where it does make me want to cry? No, but I really can't help it. Like I said it's still so new, and it still hurts, so sometimes I cry... it's all part of the process.
  • Just give it time, time heals everything- I know this can actually be really good advice, but again, not so much what I want to hear. I don't want to give it time! I just want to fast forward through the "time" and get to a point where its not awkward for us to be friends.
  • Do you really think you can be friends, that never works- um yes. I do. and thanks for the voted confidence... real nice!
  • He's a jerk- this kind of goes a long with the whole you can do better thing... 1st of all he had the opportunity to be a jerk about it and he wasn't, and 2nd he really isn't a jerk, and he definitely wasn't a jerk when we were together, so the fact that we broke up doesn't make him a jerk because he broke up because he cares.
I know people mean well, and I know from experience its hard to know what to say to someone going through a break up. I just had to vent a little. Also, on the subject of advice... one of my guy friends just started a blog!!! I'm so excited, it's going to be like an advice blog, so if you want to ask him any questions, e-mail him at bryansadvice at gmail dot com, and check it out his blog (maybe give it a little while so he can get a post up!)

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..::Mrs. Staff Sergeant::.. said...

It's been a long time since I've gone through a break up, but back in the day I had some real hum-dingers. I agree with your whole list. All those comments used to drive me crazy too.

But I bet I've tossed one or two of them out to my girlfriends here and there..whoops!

Jen E @ mommablogsalot said...

Yeah it's never easy listening to all the break up advice out there because it's just not always appropriate to your situation - but as you said, you know they were trying to help. I think it's great that you are being realistic about this - my best advice is to keep busy - the more time you give yourself to sit around thinking, well the harder that's always been on me - because I think wayyyyy too much. :) ::hugs::

Rebecca Kelsey of Miss Random Bliss said...

I'm not sure if I gave you any of the bad and not helpful comments but if I did I'm sorry! :(

Janah @ So Not Mom-a-licious said...

I am not going to give you any advice. I am just going to let you express your feelings via your blog (because, yes dammit! that's what your blog is for!) and I will just give you a wink and a cyber hug to let you know that I jear what you're saying!! ;P
xOxOxO! I threw in some smooches so you would know the O's were hugs!

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

It's always hard trying to get through breakups... but what you're going through is a natural part of life... it can be like grieving a death... they're your feelings and you shouldn't have to apologize for what YOU feel. We all go through this differently, so you feel what ever way you want.

By the way, I always hated those "words of advice"... for one thing, if he was such a jerk, why did you like him so much.... most of them are NOT jerks... they just don't know what else to say to you... just a thought... hugs and kisses your way!!!!

An Atlanta Bride said...

Someone absolutely amazing will find his way to you! In the meantime, be all about you, your friends, your family, and concentrate on all the things that make you happy :)

Open your Eyes. said...

I know exaxtly what you mean...when my "first love" and I broke up all I wanted was a hug - no "advice" - just a hug! xxx.

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