Am I Really That Bad?

So the end of the year is approaching quickly, and what would the end of the year be without preparing for next year? That's what's been going on here at the sorority house lately. We've been practicing for recruitment (when we try to get new members to come in the fall), we've been figuring out all the details for next year like whose coming back, whose not, etc, and my favorite (not!)... who is going to live with whom? This has been the main topic here for the last couple weeks, it's on everyone's mind. I try not to let little things like this stress me out, and I tend to have an attitude towards the future like it's just that; it's the future, so why deal with it now? However, it is kind of hard not to think about my future living arrangements when people are constantly discussing it. My roommate this year & I have gotten along great. Granted, we don't have a whole lot in common; she's a graphic design major, I'm a journalism major, she's really into art, I suck at art, I go out all the time on the weekends, she went out for the first time this weekend in probably over a month... & the big one... I'm a mess & she's really clean. This has been our only issue pretty much (except in the beginning of the year when I would keep turning down the air so the A/C would turn on & make the white noise noise I love, & I ended up making our room like 50 degrees)! Because I'm such a mess & my roommate is so clean... I just assumed that she wouldn't want to live with me anymore. I feel like I drive her crazy with my messiness, but she's so sweet & easy going that she just didn't want to say anything. I don't know that she actually feels this way, it could just be my insecurities talking, but it's how I feel regardless. Anyway, one of my good friends (we'll call her friend 1) decided we should room together. I thought about it, and I had my apprehensions, but I agreed. I talked to my roommate to make sure she wasn't going to be stuck without a roommate (or at least a roommate she actually wants to live with), and she had some people in mind as well, so I figured everything was good. Then, friend 1 decided that she didn't want to live together anymore because there is a theory going around the house that if you live with someone you are close friends with, it will ruin your friendship. Fine. Whatever. Was I dissapointed she changed her mind? Well, yeah. I was looking forward to rooming with her, but I understand that she was looking out for our friendship & I am glad that she values our friendship enough to not want to do anything to jeopardize it. So, I figured I had 2 options: my current roommate & one of my other good friends (we'll call her friend 2) who didn't have a roommate yet. I talked to friend 2, and she said she didn't see any problems living together. I agreed, and we said we would think about it before we set anything in stone. I told my roommate my other friend decided not to live together anymore, and told her I had discussed living with friend 2, and maybe she should live with friend 2's current roommate. Roomie agreed, or so I thought... Little did I know that right after friend 1 told me she didn't want to live together, she and several other people were planning who everyone was going to live with... and it turns out that my roomie & friend 1 have decided to live together, and no one told me! I found out from my best friend who is in charge of all this room picking crap. The thing that makes me upset is that I was with friend 1 all night tonight until I got home, at which point I discussed the fact that friend 1 no longer wanted to room together with my roomie. Neither one of them said anything to me... my feelings are kind of hurt. To top it off, with the exception of friend 2 (& my best friend who has decided to live with a new member next year), the only people left without roommates are people who 1.) I would never live with, and 2.)There's a reason why they don't have roommates yet. I don't mean to be rude because they are my sisters, so I love them. However, they are both really awkward, and don't really connect with anyone in the house... that's putting it nicely, honestly. I may be being dramatic, but I can't help feeling "Am I really that bad?!?" I know I'm a mess, but really? I'm one of the rejects! This just adds to my insecurities about not having friends even more. I don't even want to get into that because this post is already so long. Honestly, it's just hard to feel like no one wants me, even if it is because they don't want to effect our friendship.

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Al said...

oh you poor thing!!

i dont think friend 1 is that good a friend if she went behind your back and stole your roomie!!

what happened to friend 2? can you room with her?! sorry i may have missed that.

Or could you possibly also live with one of the new people next year? then you have half a chance of getting someone decent?

Dont feel like you are one of the rejects it always happens that friends mess you around and one person is always left out....
Chin up babe :)

sues2u2 said...

Maybe they didn't know how to say something w/o hurting your feelings? I always assume the worst too, & usually the worst is the farthest from the truth.

I hesitate to suggest you room w/ one of the two "awkward" girls since that could be a disaster for all but maybe you could keep your options open until next year like Al suggested?

I wish I were more help (the mom in me coming out!). I do feel this will work out though (again - mom=me) hang in there!

Rebecca Louise. said...

Your not that bad at all! Some people just don't know how to word things 'properly'

I recommend that you look forward to your summer! :)

Chelle said...

Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry :( Could you room with one of the new girls next year? Maybe you'll find someone who you would be really happy with!

And I agree with the person above me--enjoy your summer! Don't sweat the roomie thing--if friend 1 was truly your friend, she would have spoken up and said something.

The White House said...

I am hoping and praying that the Lord provides a really awesome roommate who is fun, compatible and encourages you!

Cammie said...

oh boy I do not miss that drama. I take it you are living in again next year? That is awesome. It was always hard for us to get people to want to live in more than one year (myself included) The year after I lived in I actually moved into an apartment with people who had nothing to do with my sorority. It was nice because when I wanted AOII I went to the house, and if I wanted to be away from AOII I went home. Good luck!! Drama sucks

Megan said...

I wouldn't feel bad about it-- For clean freaks..to have someone who is not as clean is stressful. Also living with a good friend is VERY hard- I almost lost a friendship over it a few years ago!! After that, I always lived with people I didn't know and hoped for the best--there was only ONE disaster roomie out of all the ones I had. Take the chance ... :0)

Katie said...

Ah I used to hate this! At my school they called it Roomopoly and it alwasy just added more stress to end of the year projects and finals.
I remember my freshman year I had everything settled- and two days before leaving for the summer my roommate bailed unable to come back the next semester. I was DEVISTATED. But- I ended up with a random new student who became my best friend to this day.
All that to say... I think it's going to work out best for you in the end!!!!

Jen said...

Sorry that you are going through such a stressful situation. I think if it were me, I would confront the friends and find out if there was anything specific you did. Ask them to be honest with you. I'm pretty messy too, so I'm sure that I would have been in the same situation as you had I gone away to college. I hope it works out ok for you.

(army)Wife said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. That just sucks!

I'll be honest...this was one of the reasons I was so glad when I transferred schools and decided to remain on Alum status rather than joining up with my sorority at my new school. It got to be to much drama to handle. I didn't understand why if we're all sisters and we're supposed to be such great friends some sisters would act like they were better than other sisters. Isn't that one of a sorority's basic functions - to make sure you feel like you belong?

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