26.11.09

Worst Kind of News, pt. 2

When bad things happen, it's hard for me to put into words how I'm feeling. I don't know how to explain it, how to make it make sense. So, I write it down. Somehow I can't verbalize how I'm feeling, but I can write it down just fine.

So, today, not even a week from when this all started, when I received the worst kind of news, my first instinct was to blog about it. To share how I'm feeling. Because I don't really know how to talk to about it, but in writing it all comes together.

Today, my beautiful sister was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma.... bone cancer. That awful word I was so afraid of being used in the same sentence with my sister's name. It's now become a reality, and I hate it. We all hate it.

It's in the early stages, and it hasn't spread, which is great. But it's cancer... and cancer isn't fun. She has a rough road ahead of her, but she's going to be fine which is most important.

I wish that this wasn't happening, that I would wake up and realize this whole thing has just been one really horrible dream. I hate this for her, and for my family. I'd give anything to have it be me and not her. I'd give anything to take this all away and have life go back to normal.

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about the next few days, weeks, and months and what's to come. I can't even imagine how she's feeling; probably the same way, but worse. I'm scared for her. I wish that my life wasn't going on as normal, that I wasn't going back to school in a few days while her life is changing so much. I can't even imagine not being here to support her through what's to come, but at the same time I can't imagine seeing her sick. It scares me me to think of her like that. I don't want my sister to be sick, not this kind of sick.

I keep feeling like she is sick, but with the flu or something. That in a few days this will all blow over and everything will change. And then I remember that that's not the case at all. That things are going to be very different for all of us for the next few months while she's getting better. It sucks. There's no easy way to say it. It sucks that this is happening, and I just want it to be over, for her to be better already, to fast forward through the next few months. 

I know that the important thing is that she will get better. She can fight this. She is so strong both mentally and physically. She'll get through this, and for that I am so grateful.

The support we have gotten has been amazing. Family, firends, and even strangers are praying and thinking of us during this difficult time. I know that there is a reason all of this is happening. This is a blessing in disguise. It's bringing us all closer to God, it's putting everything in perspective for us, and it is bringing us closer together as a family. I wish that it didn't have to happen this way, but it is happening, and I am grateful that some good is coming out of something so horrible.

So tonight, on Thanksgiving Eve (well technically it's Thanksgiving already), I am thankful for the blessings we have received. I'm thankful for having my sister in my life and having such a great family. I'm thankful for the amazing support from all of you blog friends and twitter friends, from our family and friends, and from people we don't even know.

Anna... I'm so glad that you are my sister. We can get through this together! I'm always here for you, and I will be with you every step of the way, fighting with you. I'm so proud of you for the way you're handling all of this. I know it's not easy, but you can and will do it! I love you so much <3

Thank you to everyone for your support and prayers. It really does mean a lot...

A Caring Bridge site has been set up for her, so if you would like to stay updated feel free to keep up there.

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17 comments:

Al said...

oh darl... im so sorry that was the outcome from all those tests...

i guess at least now she knows whats up and the doctors can work on fixing everything.

My thoughts are with you xx

Terri said...

Patrice - I will be keeping your entire family in my prayers. Thankfully the doctors found it in early stages and with hope and prayer, she'll kick cancer's ass! Hang in there and try to have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Krystyn said...

I will being thinking of you guys. I'm with Terri, she'll totally whoop up on that cancer.

Mandy said...

Oh Patrice!! I am so sorry. I'll be keeping you guys in my prayers. Thank God they found it early.

Dree said...

I am so sorry to hear this news, and I will be keeping your sister, you and your family in my prayers. Your sister sounds so strong and brave- she will get through this. I will be thinking of you all!

Beck said...

Oh Patrice, SO sorry to hear about your sister! This will most definitely be a rough Thanksgiving for your family. I will be thinking of you and will continue to keep your family in my prayers. Stay strong!

Rebecca Louise. said...

That's the message 0- she can and will do it. Even on the dark days we can all remember that.

This sucks, it really sucks but she is so lucky to have a sister ans family like yours. Make sure you keep us posted and use this blog as an outlet. I know for one and all your blog friends, we are here supporting you :)

xoxox

Mrs. Staff Sergeant: said...

So sorry to read this news! I can very much relate to how you're feeling after having been through something similar with Dillon...I'll keep your sister on my prayer list. Let me know if there's anything else I can do from here!

~Keri

Chelle said...

Oh, honey, I am so so sorry. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I will be praying my heart out for her. She's lucky to have such an amazing, caring, loving sister {and family}.

{{{hugs}}}, <3 and prayers to her.

Katie said...

Patrice! I am so sorry this long road is up ahead for you and your family. you will all remain in my prayers. I hope this school break with your family is a good one and you can be united in a time your sister needs you. Best of luck with upcoming finals and enjoy the long winter break ahead.

Cammie said...

I have been thinking about you. Im so sorry to hear about this and will say a prayer for you and your family for a quick recovery

Ali said...

Patrice, I am so sorry. My dad told me after he got a CHRP prayer list email. You are all in my prayers, all of our prayers. Always here to talk <3 Miss ya.

Brittney said...

Aww hun! I came across your blog on 20SB looking for other Dallas bloggers and I'm sorry to hear the news. She'll be in my thoughts!

JennyMac said...

wow...that is quite an ordeal. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Emily said...

Hi,
I am a friend of the Scott family (I babysat for them for years!) and Joanie mentioned your sister's caring bridge site...and when I googled it, your blog came up.

I want to offer you and your family my prayers. I work at Children's and if ya'll need anything, please let me know!

Emily

prashant said...

im so sorry that was the outcome from all those tests..

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carrieactually.com said...

hey patricia, not that it's really good that your sister or i have had cancer but i'm interested in the parallels between the timing on our two cases. the day before thanksgiving 2009 i was in excruciating pain but because of the holiday they couldn't get me in to see the doc. the day after thanksgiving i was told i had a tumor. and the first week of december i was told it was hodgkin's lymphoma. i just finished my scheduled treatment last week and have an appointment with my oncologist this afternoon to see what's next.

has your sister checked out imermanangels.org? it's a non-profit that connects you with other people with your same cancer and i've met some lovely ladies through it. the lady who did the connecting for me also had ewings when she was a teen and i'm sure she'd be happy to talk to your sister.

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