Disappointing Performance

So lately everyone has been posting these hilarious keyword posts, like the funniest keywords, according to Google Analytics that people Google to get their blogs. So, the first time I read one of these posts I immediately signed up for GA of course, because if you can't jump on blog bandwagons then what's the point right?! haha So, I occasionally check it to see how my site is doing, you know if I can be all like Sally Field and say "They like me, they really like me!" or just bust out in song like "Celebrate good times, come on!". [Why do I feel like all these references are before my time...?"] Anyway, sadly, I can't bust open the champagne sparkling cider just yet, because I have come to the conclusion that if someone were grading my blog, I would get a big fat "F" for a very disappointing performance.

Here are some facts about how popular my blog is:
  • So there's that whole graph thing that tells you how many hits you get a day... and there was 1 day that was really high, so I was all excited like "Wow, I must have written something really good that day" yeah... not so much. It was August 22, and I was all "August 22? Wait.. that's when I got to school... did I post that day?" Turns out that's the day Rachel guest posted for me. 129 visits! I wish I was making that up, but I'm really not! I don't have a single post that got even half that! I should give you some kind of award for that, Rachel!
  • The only keywords that lead to my site are pretty much a variation of my blog title- Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman. I mean throw in Britney spears before that, or background music, or even notes or spell it wrong like Ia'm not a girl...
  • Ok. I lied I do have other keywords, I just didn't know where to find them.. but the disappointing performance still exists... because all but 1 keyword (which happens to be Alpha Chi Omega (my sorority) Fulton MO- very specific and I got a whole 4 visits from it!) have a 100% bounce rate... and their average time spent on my site?? 0:00 Nice.
  • Also, not a single one of those keywords is funny in any way! Definitely not porn, or giant purple genitals, or "the thing"anything to do with boobs!
  • My second highest day of most visits?? August 25... I didn't even post that day! So, more people come when I don't post than when I do? Hmm
  • The award for second best guest post goes to MommaBlogsAlot for the most time spent on one page... the average time was 11 minutes reading your post! Wow!
  • I hate complaining on here, because I don't want it to be like a pity party blog, but apparently people like it because my post from the other day when I was feeling down was the most popular so far! Woo hoo! I'll try to be in a bad mood more often... just kidding!
  • 85.97% of my traffic... comes from referring sites. So, thank you to those of you who put me on your blog roll or linked to me in some way! At least you guys like me...
So, overall I would say the lesson of the day is get people who write kick ass blog posts to do it for you. Beg people to put you on their blogroll, since that's apparently the only way people come to your site. It's okay to have a pity party, people like pitying you!
And finally... write about crazy things like giant purple genitals (that one has stayed in my head forever) or boobs, and people will come.. maybe crazy people, but people!
**Disclaimer... this post is intended to be humorous, as in I'm poking fun at myself. It is not, I repeat NOT, a pity party. I love to blog & if people like me, great, if not that's ok too!

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Jen E said...

I have to tell you, despite your "poor" search results this post was pretty great to read - and already you've written some pretty interesting things in this one post that might yield some interesting search results. :)

I say, when you have time, write more - and remember to write about what interests you - that way other people interested by those things can stumble across your blog and say, "me, too" or whatever. I don't know. Maybe I'm lying. :)

Hope you are having fun with all your crazy collegiate shenanigans - you are having shenanigans aren't you??

Dana said...

Wow, sounds exactly like my blog. Everyone that comes to mine are looking for anything to do with the actual Supernanny. Do you get paid, pictures of her, you know. And I have this one person I kep seeing on my feedjit thing, keeps searching for the word tuedsay to get to my blog. Strange, but I know they like it.

I'm starting to think it's all about commenting on other people's blogs. Not everyday, but when you do comment, be funny. Then peopel will be like "who's that, she's hilarious, her blog must be too!".

Hang in there. I end to get all worried and depressed thinking about how some bloggers just have 200 followers, like it just happened. Then I think, I work everyday with no access to a computer, and only have a limited time for blogging, so hey, I'm gonna be grateful for what I have. (Which still dosen't stop me from being the tiniest bit jealous.)

The Mom said...

Don't feel bad that you're not bringing the freaks! Really, there were some GROSS stuff out there when I was posting a bunch about my youngest's potty training, I mean pediphile-type stuff! YUCK!

Happy Sunday otherwise!

Krystyn said...

I'm thinking I would rather pass on the people that get to me looking for porn. I mean, yuck, right?

You're doing great! I think this was a good post. And, seriously, I have like 10 keyword hits, and most people don't stay very long!

The White House said...

I am right there with you- but glad about it... no thanks to the freaks!

The Broken Man said...

I'm finding that the more keywords I put at the bottom of each post, the more people find me (obviously commenting on other people's blogs helps too!) I regularly go up to the limit on keywords, even if they are only tenuous links.

The Broken man

The Nice One said...

I have to figure out that google analytics thing. I can't find the keyword thing. Hmm....

HappyHourSue said...

It's crazy: i wrote a post about the word "ginormous". i wrote a post about Britney's "purple drank". I wrote a post about genitalia nicknames.

= ginormous purple genitals"??????????? Who knew.

Keep it up, Patrice, we love you even if you don't have ginormous purple genitals.

Tenakim said...

I have had that 'day I don't post' thing happen too- then I thought I would be all smart and not post except like every other day, but that didn't last long- I guess I'm an addict!

beautifulgraceblog said...

It does make a difference what time of day you have posted- if its late at night or on a weekend a lot of readers might not see it til the next day.

Just keep blogging, don't worry about your stats. They might just skyrocket someday. :D Water doesn't boil if you watch it.

Maria Pauline

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