why people writing guest posts should always do their homework first and NEVER write about cheese

Hi guys! My name is Jen and I'm from mommablogsalot. [insert everybody saying, "Hi Jen" in a very help group-esque fashion - or better yet - a first day of college orientation-like way - perfect right? Who wants to do an ice breaker? Anyone? No one? Yeah I know, ice breakers are lame - but we could all get in a line in order by height and favorite color and then we'll hold hands and sing a song - it'll be great!!! ... Yeah, no, not so much? Okay, so...] TODAY - I will be standing in Patrice's shoes (I hope they are the pretty rain boots she just got - LOVE those) and filling in as her guest poster extraordinaire, because as you all know, Patrice is on a plane right now on her way to COLLEGE (well I'm only guessing she's on the plane right now, I guess she might not be, but you get the idea), and since she's likely to be very busy for the next few days, she's arranged for a few guest bloggers to entertain us all while she's gone - and I'M FIRST. Isn't it exciting? I'll let you in on a little secret - this is my first time guest posting ever!!! I hope I don't break any "guest poster" laws like NEVER TYPE IN ALL CAPS LOCKS BECAUSE IT IS VERY RUDE or 'never tell an embarrassing story about yourself' or 'never ever ever start talking about cheese - especially not Gorgonzola'. So I'll try my very hardest to behave, okay? Slap my wrist if I make a mistake. Okay so I just deleted like six paragraphs of writing because apparently I am the most boring guest poster ever, and I'm hoping I can finish this before my son wakes up from his nap, because he's not going to understand, "I'm sorry sweetie, I can't play right now, I'm guest posting at Patrice's..." He'll just be all like, "I wanna cookie?" Or something. I don't know. So what should we all talk about? I'm realizing now that maybe I should have planned this out better. Maybe I should have asked Patrice what she would like me to write about instead of just going in all willy nilly (I feel like I've been using that phrase a lot lately, is it just me? Yes? Okay, moving on) - I'm thinking since I'm guest posting BECAUSE of college maybe I should make this post college themed. I know all day I've been trying to conjure up some great college story that I can tell you about, but I've found that my memory seems to be short on um memory, because nothing comes to mind. I thought about doing a post full of advice for Patrice on her first day, but then I read her post from Sunday - drats, she already did that. And it was good - seriously, maybe you should go read that instead... Oh, you already, read it, too? Okay, well...

Why don't you all tell me about your college memories? Oh, blogs don't work that way? Hmm... Okay, looks like we're stuck with mine. Well, I went to college to major in business management. Why? I have no idea. Because about four months in, I started looking into the courses I would need to take to graduate and they were dreadful - like statistical analysis-tis and economic somethingorother and like only two English courses. And I was like, "Really, only two? What can I major in that has MORE English courses?" And they were like, "Um, English." And I was like "GREAT! Sign me up!" So I did, and then my father was like, "English? What are you going to do with a degree in ENGLISH?" and I was like, "Don't worry, daddio (except I never called him that. Ever. I don't have a death wish) - English majors can do all sorts of things. I can be a journalist, or a teacher, or a journalist..." Anyway I stuck with it and even worked for my school newspaper, eventually ran the thing, and did an internship with a newspaper in my hometown (which was awful, but that's another story). So then I graduated. And I set out to find that dream job - but the problem was all the dream jobs were like way over there. And I was like, "Nope, I'm right here. What can I do here?" And the answer seemed to be, "Not much, why didn't you major in something useful like nursing or business management?" And I was all set to stress out until I had this miraculous brainstorm of an idea - "I'll just get married and have some kids." And I did. Except I didn't really plan it like that, although it would be cool if I had - remember like back in the day when it was the joke that women only went to school to get their MRS? Those were the days... Okay, now it's time for the moral of my story.

::clears throat and puts on Grown Up Voice:: When you decide to go to college and it comes time to pick your major - it's VERY important to consider your life goals. If your career is important to you, as I suspect it is, you should pick a major that will bring you closer to that goal. And then you should figure out where you will have to go to get that career and what other things they might want you to have done - like maybe an internship in Lithuania or some time in the Peace Corps. Whatever. Okay, you've done that? Good. Now make sure to bring HANGERS with you to college - because no matter how many semesters I packed for school, I never remembered hangers and I always ended up buying new, and now I have like 800 mismatched hangers and really who needs 800 hangers anyway?

I know Patrice packed her hangers and probably has some awesome plan for her degree because she's so clever and organized, but maybe somebody else is reading this who is starting school TOMORROW instead of today, and is still packing and maybe they will be like, "Duh? ::forehead smack:: HANGERS!" and I totally just saved them from buying new. So you're welcome. Now what do you want to be when you grow up? Apprently, 'older' isn't an acceptable answer anymore. So - Patrice - how did I do? Are you regretting now, saying, "Sure Jen, you can definitely guest post for me." Are you changing your password now so I can't log in and make ANOTHER brilliant guest post tomorrow, about cheese perhaps - Gorgonzola anyone? Any takers? No, okay, well, I'll spare you. Because I'm sure Patrice has it all figured out. Have a great time in college Patrice! I hope you had a great flight with plenty of peanuts and zero turbulence and no screaming babies. Speaking of screaming babies...