Over My Head

(Is anyone else now singing the Fray "Over My Head" in their heads now? Because I have been since I titled this post & just wondering if I'm the only crazy one! ha Just a side note!) Sometimes I have a habit of taking on too much at once. I have trouble saying no, and I really enjoy getting involved in things, so sometimes I often jump right into things without thinking about all that I have going on first. Now is one of those times where I feel like I am doing too much, and I am in over my head. (still singing the song: "everyone knows I'm in over my head, over my heaaddd..." just me?)

This summer so far has been pretty low-key, not too stressful. Which is nice because I am stressed enough during the year that when I have the summer off, I really want to be off for real. Only now that it's ending, I suddenly feel like I have a million things on my plate I took on all at once (at least it seems that way).

First of all, I started summer school this week. Blah. Don't even get me started. I am not the least bit happy about this, and even less happy about the fact that it won't be over until like 2 days before I go back to school. Awesome. It's just one class, and it's online so I don't even have to go to class, but it overwhelms me. School in general just totally stresses me out and overwhelms me because it doesn't come naturally to me, and I am a slow learner. So school over the summer? Ugh. Plus, this class is a lot harder than I expected. Last summer I took another online history class and it was pretty much a breeze. This one.. not so much. It's all essay writing, and reading 10 chapters a week. Thank goodness my mom is helping or I would be really losing it.

Also, there's this thing called a job. I love my job. I love where I work and who I work with, and this is probably my last summer there after like 4 years, so I really want to enjoy it. And, I am. But it means full hour days (ok like 10-5, but still), and when you have class on top of that, it makes for a long day. Also, on the job note, I am interning again for College Lifestyles. Which is such an amazing internship, and I love it. But, when I am working and doing summer school, it's hard to keep up with another internship and even harder to come up with creative post ideas.

Because that's not enough, I have the stress of trying to lose weight before I go back to school. I finally graduated from Boot Camp yesterday. With a total loss of like 2 pounds. Awesome. Somedays, I think my clothes are fitting better so maybe I lost inches (or at least centimeters! ha), but ask me again tomorrow & I'll probably tell you my jeans are tighter than ever. This happens to me every summer. I come home with the intention to lose weight, then when it gets to July and I haven't lost anything yet, I panic. It's just part of who I am. I'm not giving up yet, I still have the rest of the summer and I even signed up for 2 more weeks of boot camp (I could only do 2 because of vacation and then going back to school), so there's hope yet! I just have to figure out how to squeeze exercise into my schedule.

On a blog note, not only do I have to keep up with this blog (which I really don't think of as a chore at all, it's definitely a hobby, but sometimes I have total blogger's block & I stress about not posting frequently enough to keep people interested. Silly, I know), but I also signed up for the SITS Girls' ProBlogger 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge. This is something I am super excited about, because although I've been blogging for two years now, I still feel like I have a lot to learn about blogging and this will teach me that stuff! Plus, I it will be a great way to connect to other bloggers that are also doing the challenge. And connecting with other bloggers is one of the best parts about blogging, so that's awesome! However, when I started thinking about the fact that this starts on Monday, and everything else I have going on, I started to feel like I had gotten in way over my head. Then when it's all over, I have to turn around and go back to school.

I know that it will all be okay. I've made it through other busy times, and I can do it again. And since most of the things I'm doing are things I love anyway, it really isn't so bad! And at least when I start thinking that I've gotten in over my head, that song pops back into my head and I can laugh at myself for being a dork! ha Sorry for whining, I know people have way worse problems and other people are way busier than I am, but this is my life and I think it's busy, and this is my blog so I get to complain blog about it if I want to! I'm off to go to write a summer school essay... *happy dance*

Contributing to their 15 mintues of Fame

I'll admit it. I am a total Bachelor[ette] junkie. I watched from the beginning with Trista & Ryan, and to this day I am a loyal fan! I am loving this season with Ali as the Bachelorette, and I'm always so excited when Monday comes around and a new episode comes on. So this week, when I heard that they were taking time away from Ali's journey to find love to talk to Jake and Vienna about their break up, I was thinking really? They are so last season. Clearly, I underestimated the awesomeness that is Jake and Vienna because oh.my.god. What happened in those 30 minutes was the showdown of the century (or maybe just the week but whatever!).

Last season, I cringed every time Jake gave Vienna another rose. And you better believe, I almost cried when he freakin proposed to her. And no, they weren't happy tears. But, I knew it wouldn't last. Or at least I hoped. When I heard they were performing on Dancing With the Stars together I puked in my mouth a little was glad surprised to hear they were still together. So finally last week when I heard they broke up I did a victory dance was not surprised and thought it was about time! Then, I heard they were cutting time out of The Bachelorette for the two of them to sit down together and "talk about their break up." Puh-lease. No one cares anymore. Most of us never liked Vienna in the first place, so we understood why they broke up. Because Vienna is a whore not right for Jake. Plus, with both of them running straight to the press, I figured we'd heard it all by now. She says he wasn't intimate with her, she says all he cared about was fame. He says she was jealous and couldn't handle his career taking off instead of hers. Whatever.

So I wasn't expecting much from this whole "Reunion" or whatever you wanna call it. Boy was I wrong.What happened next can only be described as a train wreck, but a really awesome one that was televised nationally for all of us to see (and blog about). She cried a lot (big surprise, she was always playing the victim last season, too when everyone in the house hated her). He sat there super smug like he was the sh*t. She says he was always mean to her, he can't get a word in because she's always interrupting him, and he blows up. He snaps at her and says "please stop interrupting me" and she starts sobbing & runs off. And we get a great insight into how their relationship went. Once again, oh.my.god. This is a train wreck!

Now here are my thoughts. First of all, I know they are just reality stars and not like "official" celebrities, but you would think they would at least have the common knowledge to lock it up a little on National TV (I once told a co-worker to "lock it up" and she didn't know what I was talking about, so just in case you don't speak my language, I linked to the Urban Dictionary definition). He was obviously frustrated with her, but how much of a d-bag does he look like now that he snapped at her on National TV? And she's not innocent either. Home girl, I know you just broke up with your boyfriend and now you have to talk about it on National TV, but stop crying. Also, let him speak. Even if you think he's lying. So, enough about what I think. Like any good journalist blogger, I turned to the people. I wanted to know what the world thought. So I posed the question on Twitter and on my fan page: Team Jake or Team Vienna? And the responses I got were almost better than the actual show! (Disclaimer: Not all of these people are actually my twitter friends. I searched "team vienna" and "team jake" for more repsonses!)

Team Vienna: 
@googlewaveyour: Without Vienna's support, @JakePavelka1 would never have done the bungee jump & still be sitting on that ledge afraid to jump! #teamvienna

@possessionista: Well, I guess it's fair to say no one will ever accuse Jake of being "too perfect" ever again.

@thecarolineann: congrats to @jason_mesnick, who has just been ousted as dickest bachelor ever! Jake Pavelka, you suck.

@thecarolineann: so Jon and Kate are lookin pretty Carol and Mike Brady right now. #teamvienna

@tammy_louise: Jake, better brush up on those flying skills, we could barely stomach you during DWTS. Team Vienna!

@callie_whelan:  if @jakepavelka1 was telling the truth, he would've had a hell of a lot more to say than rude 1 liners. i used to hate her, but #teamvienna

@Liann_Cameron: #TeamVienna. Also... How long til Jake does his coming out interview for big bucks? 

Team Jake: 
@epresco:  I think if I got interrupted every other word I would be throwing something too! #teamjake 

 @mollyissogyo: Barely heard @jakepavelka1 talk in the interview w/vienna. vienna, stop interrupting him, u talk too damn much. so annoying. #teamjake

@MrsMaryMiller: Sorry but Vienna seems so whiney, fake, and needy! Didn't let Jake get a word in...being too defensive = lying! #teamjake 


@AshW1228: Why did @jakepavelka1 waist anytime on this trashy ugly whore Vienna? seriously fame whore?Look who's talking. #TeamJake!

@MaerinB: Wait first the dog is sick and dying now it's being potty trained? WTF? #TeamJake 

@MegBurns  I cannot believe the onslaught of support for that freak show Vienna. Yes, Jake had a temper but LOOK AT WHAT HE WAS UP AGAINST! #teamjake

Team No One (aka Team Who Cares?) 
@SimplyShannon:  I haven't watched & know virtually nothing, but I'm gonna say they're both selfish, self-promoting morons.

@TheBestSportMom: They are both nuts!!

@LeannaNelson:  Team Neither. There are other planets they deserve to be on...

 Team Chris Harrison: 

@jschefftwater @chrisbharrison "We don't really care about the dog" was the best part of the most uncomfortable interview ever! 

@anniepayne "It is what it is." Chris Harrison is so wise.  


Other Comments of note: (These people didn't necessarily take a side, but their comments were worth sharing!)       

@tristasutter If she's truthful & J promised her things'd change 4 better,I feel 4 her,BUT if she interrupted me all the time I wouldn't change either!

@tristasutter Sorry...had 2 laugh at the "how many times have u called my dad?" comment. Good luck finding a guy who's just gonna ring ur dad 4 kicks! ha!

@gibsondm It appears that Jake did not guard and protect Vienna's heart.


@BacheloretteTV: Jake and Vienna need a reality show. Bring in Judge Judy to settle this


@JenniferWeiner: Jake is "still processing" and "in a confused emotional state." Does he want to be the next bachelorette? 


@Possessionista: Did you hear that? That was the sound of the egg timer on Vienna and Jake's :15 minutes. They're up.


And if you're wondering what they have to say about all this, Vienna posted this on her twitter yesterday: 
"Thank you for all your support. The truth will always prevail. I'm so glad people see what I have been going through. Love you all"
And shortly after Jake posted something similar: 
"Thanks everybody! I really appreciate the ongoing support."   

So I contributed to their 15 minutes. My bad, I know. But, really?! How can we not talk about this showdown?! Also, side note- one of the old contestants on a previous season of Bachelorette blogged about what happens when Bachelor[ette] contestants break up. Super fascinating. So we'll see what happens next... my conclusion? They are both fame whores (which coincidentally is the word of the day at Urban Dictionary. Coincidence? I think not!) So what do you think... Team Jake or Team Vienna (or team who cares?!)?

Pour Your Heart Out: Make A Wish

I'm linking up at Shell's place today for Pour Your Heart Out; A blog carnival started to encourage us all to let out whatever has been on our minds and in our hearts lately.

The Make A Wish Foundation is an amazing, wonderful organization that allows children with cancer to fulfill a wish they might not otherwise be able to fulfill. They have done everything from building space ships to sending kids to Disney World, you name it they've probably done it. Anyway, they have been gracious enough to grant my sister a wish, which after all she's been through you have to admit she totally deserves it.

Now that she has finished her treatment (!!!!!), it is time for her to cash in her wish. Problem is, she doesn't exactly know what to wish for. (Who can blame her, that is a tough decision!) So one night at dinner last week, we were trying to decide what she should wish for. Concert tickets to some amazing show? Backstage passes to a music festival? Access to Fashion Week in New York? So many amazing choices, so little time to decide. It really is a once in a lifetime kind of thing, to wish for anything you want and to have it happen. It has to be something truly amazing.

Obviously we came up with a lot of great options and ideas for her to consider. However, as I looked at my sister, her favorite hat covering up her bald head, her beautiful face sans eyelashes and eyebrows; all the physical results of what she's been through the last few months, all I could think was I wish that she could wish that the cancer will never come back. That is my wish for her, because like I've said, I can't imagine my life without my sister.

This is new territory we we are entering into. Now that she is done with treatment, we are all obviously thrilled that this stage in our lives is over. But, like the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens. We may be done for now with hospital visits and chemotherapy and blood transfusions, but now we enter the waiting game. We wait. Wait for her to get re-scanned. Wait for the results. Wait to see if the cancer is gone for good. And that is scary. 

Last night, we celebrated. Family and friends gathered and cheered for Anna as she arrived home from her last chemo treatment. It was a beautiful celebration, and definitely a great thing to be celebrating, but we can't help but wonder if it's over. Sure, the last scans were great. No one expected the kind of progress she made. But what will happen when her body is no longer pumped up with all kinds of medicine killing the cancer? What happens now? The truth is, we don't know. So, although we are ready for celebration of no more hospitalization, no more chemo, we wait. We wait to see what happens next. And the possibility of this journey not being over is in the back of our minds, no matter how hard we try not to think about it. Last night, Anna said to me "I don't want everyone to celebrate and jinx it". My heart almost broke because I wish for her that she didn't have to carry that worry around with her. I wish that we could really and truly celebrate without the fear and worry of a relapse.

The story of Ellie Potvin has been weighing heavily on my heart lately, not only because her story is heart breaking, but also because it reminds me of my sister and her story. They have a similar type of cancer; both forms of sarcoma. Both young, both were diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. Ellie beat cancer the first time around. Then, she relapsed and his since passed away. This breaks my heart and terrifies me all at the same time. I do my best not to go over the "what if's" in my head constantly, but it is hard not to. It is nearly impossible when you hear a story like Ellie's not to think of my sister and her own battle with cancer. I know that every story is different. And for every story that does not have a happy ending, there is one that does.

I believe in the power of prayer, and Anna definitely has that working in her favor. So, for now I am just going to continue praying. Continue to celebrate the fact that she is done with treatment. Continue loving my sister like I always have. Continue thanking God for healing her thus far, and trust that he will continue to do so. Continue to ask you all to do the same. To go to her site, 1 Million Prayers, and pledge to pray. I believe in the happy ending for her, I do. But if I had one wish, I would still wish for the cancer to stay away, just to make sure. I wish we had that guarantee.

Boot Camp Blues

I have had a major case of the blues lately... the Boot Camp blues. See in an attempt to get skinny get healthy this summer, I did something stupid extreme. I signed up for a boot camp.

I'm not completely naive, I knew that this wasn't gonna be easy. It was, after all, called Boot Camp. Not sleep camp (although that sounds a lot better) and not sort-of-kind-of work out camp. This was boot camp. It is hardcore. Like do or die. Luckily, it is indoors or I really might die considering this Texas heat is out of control.

Let me just say I don't do mornings. Ever. Like, I schedule all my classes as late as possible and I have been known to skip breakfast in the morning just so I can sleep in an extra 20 minutes. I love my sleep. I strongly dislike mornings. So when the choices of when to take the class were 6 AM, 7 AM, or 8 AM, I nearly fainted from exhaustion right there. 6 AM that is way too early, 7 AM is still pretty early, and 8 AM still early but at least I'm not waking up before the sun. So, logically I wanted to take the 8 AM class except that I have this thing called a job. And if I didn't go to Boot Camp until 8, I wouldn't get home until 9:15, and then by the time I got ready it would be like 10:30 (ok, so I take a long time to get ready, whatever), and by the time I got to work it would be like 11 and that's just too late. So, I go to the 7 AM class. I get up at 6:20. That has got to be some sort of record for me.

So, never mind the early mornings. I am learning to deal with those (most days anyway). What is giving me the Boot Camp blues is the pain. Oh, the pain. My first day at boot camp the trainer warned me that I would be sore. "Take lots of Advil, drink lots of water and take a hot bath" she recommended to deal with the soreness. I thought she was being a little dramatic. Like, really, I don't think I need to take Advil every four hours or whatever it says on the bottle. I've been sore before after working out, and I get by okay. To further prove her point that I would be sore, she asked one of the other girls in the class a "regular" if she was sore when she first started. "OMG," she told me, "I couldn't even get off the toilet." At this point, I seriously considered running away. Ok, not really, but for real? You couldn't get off the toilet? What the !##%T!#@ did I get myself into!? 

At first the pain wasn't that bad, and I thought prayed that maybe that girl was exaggerating. Maybe she just has a really low pain tolerance or something. And then, I went back for the 2nd day. And oh my god. She was right. After that, not only could I not get off the toilet, I didn't want to get on the toilet in the first place. Or walk up or down any stairs. Or get up from sitting down. Really, all I wanted to do was lay down and not get up! Because, oh my god, my legs hurt. They hurt so bad! Suddenly, even simple daily activities like walking were super painful. I was seriously starting to wonder if my legs were ever going to go back to normal. I mean it was bad enough that I was walking slower than a snail and like I was 80 years old, but with every step I took I was in serious pain! After the 3rd day of Boot Camp, my legs were so sore that I literally slid down the stairs on my butt like you do when you're like 2 and can't walk up/down stairs yet. Yes, I slid down the stairs to avoid walking down them because I was in pain and even that hurt!

Because having my legs be in serious pain isn't enough, I also developed some kind of foot injury. After my first day, I was limping around because the bottom of my right foot was all of the sudden hurting like crazy every time I would walk around after sitting for awhile. Apparently, that meant I need new tennis shoes (and of course the only one's I liked were the most expensive. Sorry, mom!). So, after my second day of boot camp, there I laid in bed, icing my foot and saying "ouch" every time I got up because my legs hurt!


Fast forward a few days (to today) and finally my legs (and foot) are back to normal, no more excruciating pain. So when I went to Boot Camp this morning I was nervous. Was I going to have another week like last week, full of pain? Well, today the trainer announced we were working our butts. Ok, butt workout I can do that. At least my legs won't be in pain, right? Maybe not, except add this to list of things only I would do: I idiotically somehow managed to pull a muscle in my butt. Who does that!!? Apparently me. So, back to the Advil popping and being pathetic taking it easy for me.

So now I am wondering what can possibly happen next because I'm sure it will be equally as ridiculous entertaining. When all else fails, you have to laugh about it, right? All I can say, is at the end of this thing I better be a freaking toothpick. (Not likely, but a girl can dream!) So, you see, that is why I have been suffering from the Boot Camp Blues (or more like the boot camp pains, but it doesn't quite have the same ring to it!). I think it's pretty legit. And that was only week one...

Blogiversary Take 2

Welcome back to my blogiversary party!

 (Image found via Google Images, made by Jen Gets Fancy).
I couldn't cram everything from the last two years into two posts so I made into two- one for each year my blog has existed! I got a little more sappy in the last post, so I'm trying to make this one a little lighter. I thought I would play a little numbers game with some fun facts about my blog over the last couple years:

• 181: Posts I have published in the last two years. 
• 38: Posts that were published since my 1st blogiversary last year (side note, I know this number is really low. After my sister was diagnosed, it took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that it was okay to go on with my life as normal, and that meant blogging about stuff non-cancer related. That is why that number is so low).
• 1646: Comments I have received (thank you to my blog friends and loyal commenters! I love hearing hearing from you, it very often makes my day!)
• 244: The most visitors I have ever had in one day. It was Thanksgiving Day 2008. Like I said last year, I have no idea why people were reading my blog on Thanksgiving, but I'll take it! 
• 201: The second most visitors in one day. It was December 26 of this year.
• 23,043: Total visitors that have stopped by this blog since the beginning!
• 2,790: Visitors that have came to my blog directly (according to Google Analytics). 
• 127: Google Followers my blog has! That is amazing! Thank you all!! 
• 78: Facebook fans! Thank you! :)

Some other non-number fun facts:

• The number one term people search to get to my blog is "dangers of beer pong" (same as last year). One of my favorite posts, a humorous outlook on injuring yourself during a game of beer pong!
• The weirdest thing people have searched to get to my blog? "Women flashing on roller coasters" I have no idea what this has to with my blog... I swear I've never done that! Other weird ones include "fat girl kissing skinny girl", "mckmama moocher" "but you don't understand, osgood. uh, i'm a man. well, nobody's perfect!"
• My most viewed post ever is this Top 5 Tuesday post about shopping. It has 764 views... crazy!
• My top viewed post in the past year since my 1st blogiversary is Dangers of Beer Pong of course! Even though that post was up before my blogiversary last year, it was still the most popular since then!
• This was a year of firsts, as well: I participated in 1st blog swap with the fabulous Caroline! And I wrote my 1st guest post at Winey Mommy's blog! 

Well, that about it wraps it up! This year my blog has changed a lot and it will continue to change (hopefully for the better) as the years go on. Thank you to everyone who has seen me through this journey!

My one request (I know, I'm always demanding things)- I have so many followers I don't know, but I really want to "meet"! Please introduce yourself! That is all... I hope you all have enjoyed my blogiversary party!

2 Year Blogiversary!

June 22, 2008. That is the day of my very first blog post, the day Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman (the blog) was born. Two years later, here it is, still alive and kicking. I thought a lot about how to celebrate this blogiverasry. I mean, two years, that's kind of a big deal, right?! So I wanted to give a proper celebration.

Some people, I know, do giveaways for their blogiversary, but in two years this blog has never had a single giveaway so I'm not about to start now! I didn't want to re-cap the year(s) because, well, if you've been reading, you already know it all.

I thought a lot about what "good" bloggers would do. A "good" blogger would have some big celebration planned maybe link to a few blogs. Definitely make you laugh. They would definitely not wait until 9:00 the day of their blogiversary to publish their post. But then I came to my senses got over it and realized, (warning, I'm getting deep here) I am me. Just me. I'm not a queen blogger, I'm not a blog celebrity  (or any kind of celebrity) or anything, and that's ok. Because all I can be is my version of greatness, and if I'm not a "good" blogger by some standards, well oh well.

Ok, off my soapbox now. This blog sure has changed since the early days. I like to think that my blog grows as I grow. As I mature, my blog matures. This past year, my blog changed in a way I never anticipated that it would. When my sister was diagnosed with cancer in the fall, this became my outlet to process what I was feeling. I am so thankful I had this forum to express myself and on top of that, I had all of you, people who I wouldn't have "known" otherwise, praying for her! And that makes it all worth it! :)

So without being cliche, I just wanna say two years ago I had no idea what blogging could be! I just wanted to journal the transition from high school to college, and I did that but also so mcuh more! Thank you to those of you who read this blog, my bloggy friends, because you all inspire me with your creativity, and your kindness overwhelms me. (sorry, I didn't mean to get so sappy!)

Since it is a two year anniversary, I'm gonna spread this out over a couple days. This is installment one, installment two will be a little lighter since this was so sappy!!

Now, I am throwing myself a party here on my blog in honor of my blogiversary. And any good party has a guest book right?! So in honor of my blogiversary, I would like my followers and readers to comment, therefore signing the "guestbook". I am toying with some ideas for the 2nd installment of this blogiversary to get my blog friends to get to know each other, so make sure you come back and check that out!

Thank you for following me through my blog journey! I sure have come a long way since day 1...

(Year 1 blogiversary)

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to a guy I am proud to call my Daddy! 

From an early age, he made me laugh and smile like no one else! 

And when I would sit on his lap, I would feel like the most special little girl in the world.

As the years went by and I got older our relationship changed but I never stopped looking up to and admiring my Daddy. He helped me become the person that I am today because he always taught me to strive to be the best I can be. He taught me to never give up on my dreams. When my dad tells me he's proud of me, it means the world to me because I always work to make him proud.

My dad has always worked hard to give our family a great life and I am so grateful to him for that. I have learned a lot about hard work by watching my dad and listening to his advice.

It takes a special kind of man to be a Daddy to two girls, but my dad has always been great with us. Even though when he took me to football games and he had to talk strangers behind him about the game since I didn't know what was going on, even though when he's watching golf I comment on their outfits or if they're cute rather than the actual tournament, I know he wouldn't have it any other way, and that means a lot. I know he loves us and we are lucky to have him!

Now that I am older and starting to think about a future husband, I not only think of qualities my dad possesses that I want in a husband, but I also think about someone who will get a long with my dad. I always say (because you know, you can plan these things! ha!) that my future husband needs to play golf so he can bond with my dad!  My dad has been the most important man in my life for 20 years, so any other man in my life will need to appreciate him as much as I do! Luckily I still have a long time to find him! It's no easy task! ;)

So, Happy Father's Day to my Dad. I'm lucky to have you in my life and especially as my dad! Love you!


(p.s. Mom- I know I owe you a great Mother's Day post next year after this! haha)