8.9.08

No Good, Very Bad, Terrible Day (Well not that bad)

I hate complaining. I know its one of the perks of having a blog is that when you do have a bad day, you can blog about it and even get some love from bloggy friends! But I just feel so negative and I don't like making big deals out of little things, but today I just really need to get it out... So I've been pretty positive about college so far, and it has been going well. I occasionally feel down, but again, not making big deals out of nothing, so mostly it's been good. But lately, I just feel like its going down hill, and today I had my 1st meltdown. I've never been the best student. I hate homework, I'm ADD so it's super hard to focus, and I run away from a challenge. I recognize all of this, but I'm not good at fixing it. Anyway, I've been doing my best to keep up with everything and I'm determined to do well. Well today, I felt like maybe that wasn't possible. It all started with my 1st class, Algebra. We took a quiz last Friday, our 1st one, and I didn't make a great grade on it. I know, it happens, and there were things I could've done to do better (like the homework which was optional and I opted out), but I thought I knew the material since it was stuff I learned in like 8th grade. I guess I was wrong. Then my next class was English, and it's basically all about writing at a college level. So we looked at all these complex sentences and had to practice putting them together. I think I'm a decent writer, I mean I won a scholarship based on my essay, and I'm a freaking Journalism major, so you'd think I would be able to write. Well, apparently not. I could not to save my life, write one of those stupid sentences and I dread that class! It makes me feel like I can't write a freaking paper to save my life. ugh. Then to put the stupid cherry on the freaking sundae, next I had connections. It's a stupid class. It's for freshman to learn about studying, and about the school and everything. I mean, we have work, but it's pathetically easy. Well because I'm just so smart, I totally spaced and I didn't do my homework for the class. And it wasn't the 1st time I forgot to do homework for this class. And the thing is, I should have a 100 with no problem in that class. But because I'm an idiot, I have a freaking 50 yeah, and that was before I forgot the second assignment today. I know its an easy mistake, and now I've learned I have to be on top of things, but I felt like crap. I felt like the biggest failure, and I started crying and couldn't stop. I just felt so discouraged, and like I couldn't do this whole college thing after all. And I can't write a freaking English essay, so how am I supposed to be a journalism major? I've been struggling with writing my articles for the paper, too, and I'm the freaking editor. Basically, I suck. I know I don't actually suck, but it's how I feel. I just wanted to throw in the towel and go home, I was so discouraged! On top of that, lately I've been feeling like I don't have friends. I know it's normal to feel this way, but I just started to feel like no one in my sorority house liked me, and everyone is like best friends with their roommate, and while I have absolutely nothing against my roommate, we are just really different, and aren't best friends, and don't hang out that much. Plus, the two people I knew going into the house already knew each other before, so I felt really left out of that bond, and just felt really lonely. So today, it just all hit me at once, and I was really upset. I am better now, I guess, but I really needed to vent. On the bright side, my mom and my sister are coming to visit me this weekend, and I couldn't be more excited! Also, my dad is over-nighting me a brand new computer!!! Mine broke, and I couldn't connect to the Internet and no one could figure out what was wrong with it, so we gave up and now this is all mine! Also, last night we had chapter (our weekly sorority meeting), and after chapter there is a committee that works with you about academics and stuff. Anyway, if they want to talk you, it can be good or bad, and if you get called down for a good reason you get to sign the wall (we have lyres- [our symbol] painted on the wall, and that's what you sign). So anyway, they called me down to congratulate me on being the editor of the paper, and I got to sign the wall the very 1st time!! So, enough complaining. Thanks for letting me vent! Now I'm off to report on my progress for Looking Fine by 2009.

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9 comments:

Jen E said...

So okay firstly - freshman course suck. they really do. they are all either too easy or absurdly difficult. part of this - is they are trying to weed out the bad apples in any given major - if you are considering say taking every psych course known to man, first you have to get through psych 101 which will be all the boring mundane Stuff that you don't care about.

That said, it's way too soon to panic about this english course. My first 2 english courses were terrible but they were all grammar grammar grammar - something that I never took the time to just sit down and learn - because I have a good writing style naturally perhaps and have never really needed it. But all the other english courses you get to take later?? those are FUN. At least for me they were.

Journalism, while challenging and fun and a good way to make friends, kind of sucks the life out of writing. You get used to it, as I'm sure you know. And some weeks your hot and some weeks your luke warm and some weeks you are absolutely frigid.

Anyway, I didn't make stellar grades because I was too busy having fun and not prioritizing, but I got better as I went and one thing I learned is to form relationships with your teachers - talk to them if you messed up and show them you care and they will probably help you out - let you re-do something, make something up, or just say, "don't worry about it, if you start doing better i'll keep it in mind." A lot of teachers are REALLY cool like that if they think YOU care.

The friends thing? Freshman year stinks for that. It took me months to find friendships that were really stellar, for obvious reasons. And then when you're in a bad mood it all seems even worse - nobody likes me, blah blah blah. It usually isn't true. I'm guessing it's not for you. But you know you haven't been at school long, it's not surprising if you haven't found your best friend yet - whoever that is might not even be in your sorority for all you know. I know with all the friend trouble you had this summer and previously, you might be a little on edge about this, but just give it time, keep busy and try to get those grades up!

Having fun is important, but you can have fun all your life in various ways. This is the only really truly great education you're going to get, so make sure you're taking advantage of that.

Ok < / mothering. >

Jen E said...

Not to make this whole comment longer, but my husband made a much better analogy for the whole 101 courses thing, in that they are kind of like a boot camp training, in that the material isn't as important as kind of proving that you can stick with it and trudge through all that mundanity. It also serves as a kind of equalizer - a way of saying, regardless of where you came from before this, at the very least you should know these things, if that makes any sense...

american mum said...

Sorry, Patrice. If it helps at all, these are very normal experiences that everyone goes through. The first semester is the hardest adjustment. One you get through it, you'll be fine!

Jamie said...

Ok, first of all, I had to withdrawl from my college freshman Algebra course because I was failing it AND I AM A TEACHER!!!! So I hope that makes you feel better.

Second, we all have times where we feel like we don't have friends. I struggled with that a LOT in college because the girls were very different from me (I tend to be a bit of a girly girl).

College is a wonderful, wonderful time...but it's also a tough time.

Vent any time you want sweetie!!

Jamie

The White House said...

uh... was that a flashback of my college experience? Patrice, hang in there. Jen is so right, colleges really do try to weed out students in the first couple years. It is important to keep up with stuff, go to class and definetely get in good with the profs. If they have study sessions, I would recommend those, for sure- a lot of time they cover stuff that you may tend to skip in textbooks.

Like I said in my guest post, sco pro, then honor roll, then sco pro, then honor roll. Super tricky getting that balance down.

And please, not to worry about the friend thing- you are a very likable girl, you will find your niche in time. Remember that most of the people that you are mtg are really trying to find their own identities on their own in the big world. It will come.

Praying for you in this time. Hang in there!

Chelle said...

(((Hugs))) sweetie!! College is hard. Really hard.

I am still taking classes. (But I decided to join the Air Force...long story!)

A piece of wisdom I always got but rarely used? Talk to your professor. They don't want you to fail. They want you to learn. If you talk to them now rather than wait until right before a final-ahem, no comment-they will love to help you.

And have fun this weekend! I know that they are exactly what you need right now!

Megan said...

Hope today is better for you!!! Oh and another thing to look forward to is MY PACKAGE!!!! I am sending it out on Friday morning, when Dave is off--We only have one car (mine is in the shop, yucky) So you should definitely get it sometime next week!! & Why have I not added you to my blog roll yet? ..Going to do that now!

Krystyn said...

It will get better...you will meet people and classes will get easier.

One thing that helped me stay organized was a planner. The old fashioned paper type. Something about writing things down really makes the connection in your brain. Maybe that would help you keep on top of your assignments.

Try to keep that chin up!

And, really, your dad just got you a new computer? How sweet is that? Does he need another daughter? Because we are in need!!!

The Nice One said...

I'm with jen e. Freshman courses do really suck. by the way, that was the longest comment ever. high five jen e.

i hope things are going a little better for you today. if the add does end up being a real problem, they do have services for that in school on your campus. don't be afraid to seek it out and use it.

know that lots of texans are pullin for you!

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