13.8.08

It's really real...

So last night at dinner, my parents & I were discussing my laptop. This particular laptop we bought from my high school with the intention of using it through my senior year and then for a couple yrs @ college. It was supposed to be a really nice laptop, you know so great, whatever! Well, it's not that great, and it had so many problems by the end of my senior year, that it was almost unusable. Anyway, that's a whole 'nother post in itself... basically long story short, we took my laptop to get repaired for free because my parents already paid a bunch of money for this laptop, and they're not ready to throw it away and spend more money on a new one. Fair enough. I understand that. So we took it to get repaired and they basically re-did everything and it was supposed to work like a brand new computer. Well, it was fine. Except that it randomly turned off.. like in the middle of my doing something it would just crash and bam! everything was gone. Big problem right? So it's getting fixed again, and they promise to have it ready by the end of the week, blah blah. Anyway, so we're discussing this, and I bring up the question of how I am supposed to use my iPhone and my iPod with my laptop which is a PC, when they both are currently synced with our Mac desktop. So I'm freaking out because I really don't want to erase everything on my phone and my ipod and figure out how to get all on my laptop, and then on my phone and then my ipod. It's just a major hassle. If I had a Mac laptop, this wouldn't be an issue... so it sucks, and I'm pissed about it. Honestly. lol My dad prommises we'll figure something out. And my parents have prommised if I get to school and my laptop isn't working still, we will get a new one or whatever we have to do, that I'm not stuck with something not working, we're just trying it out to make sure it's unusable. I get it, I do. It just is like one more thing that I have to worry about, and it really stressed me out that I have like 6 days until I leave, and I have to worry about re-loading my ipod. STUPID!!! Anyway, I just get to the point where I'm so frustrated and stressed about my stupid iPod/iPhone, that I'm crying! And honestly, it's not aobut the stupid iPod, and its not about the laptop. I trust that my parents will help me out. I know that. I've gotten over wanting a new laptop really badly, and I'm willing to try this one out for awhile. But something about the realization that I won't be home to update my songs on my iPod/iPhone whenever I want, just hit me hard. It took something that little to make this is all seem real. It didn't feel real... like I knew it was happening, but I couldn't picture myself there, and I couldn't grasp the concept that my life was changing. And all the sudden, something so little made me realize this is really happening. I can hide under the covers all I want. I can procrastinate doing my shopping because I don't wanna face the fact that I'm leaving all I want. But on Tuesday, I still have to get on that plane. I still have to go to school. And you know what? I'm scared. I have nothing to stay here for anymore, since I pretty much don't have a lot of friends left, so it's not about that. I want to get away. I want to make new friends. But I'm scared. I would never admit that before, because saying it outloud, or putting here on my blog, makes it real. And I don't want it to be real. I don't want to face the fact that my life is going to change. It's all so unknown, and there's so many changes. It's a lot to take in. I want to be excited, and part of me is. But the biggest part of me is scared as hell, and that is the honest truth.

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4 comments:

Jen E said...

::hugs:: You know all this is normal, right? Doing something new is always scary, but doing it far away without the support network you have always relied on? Frightening.

My husband and I will be likely moving to a new state in 2 years with his company and I have similar feelings towards that move - I am excited for the new chapter in our life, enamored with the state we'd be moving to and how much cheaper it is - but we'd know NOBODY outside of each other and our son (or children if we have more by then) and the 2-3 people who work at his office that would go also. (It's a very small company)

Anyway, what's my point? I think it's best to admit that you are scared, so that it's out there and real for you, but once you've admitted it, it will be easier I think to overcome the fear - better that then to go in oblivious and be totally knocked down.

College is a scary thing, no matter where you go - just remember that everyone there is scared in some way - they are all doing something very new and possibly feeling alone. Reach out to people when you feel comfortable with it and get involved as soon as you can - the busier you are, the easier it gets.

And in two years if we end up moving like we plan to, maybe you can remind me of all this and give me your own advice when I'm crying because I miss my friends and family? :)

I know you'll be okay. Maybe not the first day or even week - it took me a couple months to really get comfortable and okay with my college - but you will get there. And you can tell us all about it - we'll be here for you in bloggy land, cheering you on.

Katherine said...

::Hugs:: I am sorry about your phone and camera.
I am also praying for you about school. It is normal to be scared Patrice but that really does not make it any easier! I will be praying, praying, praying for ya girl and if you ever need to talk just let me know...

just a girl... said...

This will sound so gay. But think of what the future brings. Alot of women would love to be in your shoes. Personally I am jealous.

The Nice One said...

I don't envy you right now. I remember...August of '96 I was having the same feelings (well, not with the iPod/iPhone/lap top thing since it was the dark ages and we didn't have those). But, the whole "getting away" thing. It brings on a huge set of worries and excitement.

Here's the nice one's advice...LIVE IT UP. Have as MUCH FUN as you can in college because those 4 years fly by and then you're a grown up...for rizzle...stuck doing the grown up 9-5 job. That whole iPod/iPhone thing turns into "holy crap the house needs a new roof and the baby needs diapers" thing. Wow, I am really not trying to scare you. Fo Real. Just have FUN. I didn't have fun enough.

Anyway..if you get real bored, you could come babysit my kids. Just drop a line. Ha hahaa...

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