What is my deal

What's my deal lately? I just can't seem to shake this feeling of being sad... 

I don't know why, and it really makes me feel like such a baby. I just cant shake the feeling that I don't have friends here, or that I don't fit in. I don't know how to describe it, really. It's just that I feel like everyone likes each other better than they like me. Like there's always someone else they would rather be talking to when they're talking to me, or hanging out with when they're with me. It really makes me feel like I'm in middle school, but I can't help how I feel. 

I have always been a really insecure person; I have body image issues, and I don't always have the best choice in friends (although, ironically this friend & I have severed our differences, and she has been the one whose been there for me lately, and me for her, and I really think the distance made our friendship stronger, but that's another post for another day). I never feel like people like me. I don't know why. I guess I want so badly to fit in that I am paranoid, I really don't know... 

But I just feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick, like I really like everyone here, and they just tolerate me. It really makes me sad, because I want these people to be my best friends. And it could just be me over reacting, but I feel like I'm always the one seeking them out, and asking them to do stuff, inviting myself to hang out w/ them, and I don't want to have to do those things. Why doesn't anyone seek me out? 

I don't know if I'm being stupid, maybe. But either way, my feelings are hurt and I'm sad. Again. 

Top 5 Tuesday

Wow this is a lot of linkage! It's gonna take me a long time to read everyone's posts... 

Just a side message is anyone else getting double posts in google reader?!? Is it because of this follower thing on blogger? Just curious.. 

Anyway Dana @ Supernanny Where Are You is hosting another edition of Top 5 Tuesday, and this week its like Q & A style, and it's all about blogging! 

The Questions: 1) How long have you been blogging?

A few months, I started at the beginning of the summer to chronicle the change into college! t 2) Date/link to your first blog post

This is my 1st post about why I blog!  3) What is the one driving force that actually made you create that blog account?

Well I've really always wanted to start a blog, and I would google random stuff and end up on blogs, and I was fascinated, I would spend hours reading them! Then I tried to start a blog last summer, but never actually posted on it and then I decided this summer it would be the perfect time to start blogging!  4) How did you come up with your blog name and what were other names you considered?

I don't really know. I mean obviously it's a song but its not really my favorite song or anything. I just wanted a name to sum up the place I'm at in my life, and what's more perfect than Not a Girl, Not Yet A Woman?! My other blog that I started last summer, but never wrote on was called Beautifully Broken, which is an Ashlee Simpson song. So I guess I like naming blogs after songs ?!  5) Post a link to your favorite blog post ever.

Oh my gosh, this is so hard!!! Hmm... I don't know a lot of the posts I really like are like really personal and sums up exactly what was on my mind at the time. Like this one and this post was supposed to be my best one if it came out the way I had it in my head, but I was having one of those days where words weren't flowing lol. According to Google Analytics, my dinner party post is the most popular, and then after that its mostly my guest posts, wow I feel cool... so I guess I'm gonna go with my words of wisdom post I wrote right before I left. 

Ok, so now I have to go because I lied and said I wasn't going out tonight, but it's the 1st night of the Fraternity rushes & its supposed to be a ton of fun! So I must go shower now...

But don't forget to go over to Dana's site & link up if you wanna play! 

No Good, Very Bad, Terrible Day (Well not that bad)

I hate complaining. I know its one of the perks of having a blog is that when you do have a bad day, you can blog about it and even get some love from bloggy friends! But I just feel so negative and I don't like making big deals out of little things, but today I just really need to get it out... So I've been pretty positive about college so far, and it has been going well. I occasionally feel down, but again, not making big deals out of nothing, so mostly it's been good. But lately, I just feel like its going down hill, and today I had my 1st meltdown. I've never been the best student. I hate homework, I'm ADD so it's super hard to focus, and I run away from a challenge. I recognize all of this, but I'm not good at fixing it. Anyway, I've been doing my best to keep up with everything and I'm determined to do well. Well today, I felt like maybe that wasn't possible. It all started with my 1st class, Algebra. We took a quiz last Friday, our 1st one, and I didn't make a great grade on it. I know, it happens, and there were things I could've done to do better (like the homework which was optional and I opted out), but I thought I knew the material since it was stuff I learned in like 8th grade. I guess I was wrong. Then my next class was English, and it's basically all about writing at a college level. So we looked at all these complex sentences and had to practice putting them together. I think I'm a decent writer, I mean I won a scholarship based on my essay, and I'm a freaking Journalism major, so you'd think I would be able to write. Well, apparently not. I could not to save my life, write one of those stupid sentences and I dread that class! It makes me feel like I can't write a freaking paper to save my life. ugh. Then to put the stupid cherry on the freaking sundae, next I had connections. It's a stupid class. It's for freshman to learn about studying, and about the school and everything. I mean, we have work, but it's pathetically easy. Well because I'm just so smart, I totally spaced and I didn't do my homework for the class. And it wasn't the 1st time I forgot to do homework for this class. And the thing is, I should have a 100 with no problem in that class. But because I'm an idiot, I have a freaking 50 yeah, and that was before I forgot the second assignment today. I know its an easy mistake, and now I've learned I have to be on top of things, but I felt like crap. I felt like the biggest failure, and I started crying and couldn't stop. I just felt so discouraged, and like I couldn't do this whole college thing after all. And I can't write a freaking English essay, so how am I supposed to be a journalism major? I've been struggling with writing my articles for the paper, too, and I'm the freaking editor. Basically, I suck. I know I don't actually suck, but it's how I feel. I just wanted to throw in the towel and go home, I was so discouraged! On top of that, lately I've been feeling like I don't have friends. I know it's normal to feel this way, but I just started to feel like no one in my sorority house liked me, and everyone is like best friends with their roommate, and while I have absolutely nothing against my roommate, we are just really different, and aren't best friends, and don't hang out that much. Plus, the two people I knew going into the house already knew each other before, so I felt really left out of that bond, and just felt really lonely. So today, it just all hit me at once, and I was really upset. I am better now, I guess, but I really needed to vent. On the bright side, my mom and my sister are coming to visit me this weekend, and I couldn't be more excited! Also, my dad is over-nighting me a brand new computer!!! Mine broke, and I couldn't connect to the Internet and no one could figure out what was wrong with it, so we gave up and now this is all mine! Also, last night we had chapter (our weekly sorority meeting), and after chapter there is a committee that works with you about academics and stuff. Anyway, if they want to talk you, it can be good or bad, and if you get called down for a good reason you get to sign the wall (we have lyres- [our symbol] painted on the wall, and that's what you sign). So anyway, they called me down to congratulate me on being the editor of the paper, and I got to sign the wall the very 1st time!! So, enough complaining. Thanks for letting me vent! Now I'm off to report on my progress for Looking Fine by 2009.

Letter to Blogger

This seems to be the cool thing to do in bloggy world lately, when you have something to say, put it in an open letter on your blog! Dear Blogger, You and I have had a really great relationship these past few months. And before you get all upset, no I am not breaking up with you! I realize I haven't been around as much lately, but I'm in college, now, you see, and there just isn't time! Plus, when I do have time I'm usually focusing on everyone else's blogs, not my own! Speaking of which, I found out today that you added a new feature. It seems now I have to "follow" the blogs I read. While I think this feature is great, really, I do, I have already given my heart to someone else. I said I wasn't breaking up with you, chill out! I was previously addicted to your blog roll feature, and was using that as a way to keep up with my blogs. But I had to keep refreshing my page, and it was screwing up my stats very time consuming. So, I moved on. I discovered my new love, Google Reader. Yes, I know your new feature works with Google Reader, like a partnership, but it's just not accpetable. I'm not good with change, ok? Plus, I never even go to my dashboard, except to press the edit button. And honestly, I can barely find time to blog these days. When I do go to people's blogs, it's to comment and that's all! And yes, I realize if I am already on their page it's not really out of the way to click on the link to follow them. But what I don't like is that the one's I "follow" on blogger go to a seperate folder, and then I don't know where to find them! So, I will compromise with you, Blogger, because you and I have had a great relationship so far. I will give it a try. I like to make people feel good about themselves, and I want them to know I like their blog and I "follow" them or whatever! So I'll give it a try, but I'm not impressed, or convinced. Just telling you, don't expect anything.

I Need Your Creativity!

I need you, bloggy friends! So, our sorority is hosting a new members party, the first party of the year! And basically we, the new members, get to plan the theme and keep it a secret from the old members until a couple days before, so they have to scatter to get ready!! So we're trying to come up with a theme, and I want to know what ideas you have ?!?! Some things they've done in the past is like dancing through the decades (dress up like a different decade) or cowboy/cowgirl theme! We want something really fun, but not necessarily costume-y, you know ?!?! I'm open to any suggestions! I know you guys are creative, so let me know what you got!

Looking fine by 2009

So my Internet has been down since Friday & it's really starting to make me crazy. So i am attempting to blog via iPhone update: I'm now in the library.. posting from my phone took too long! Continue reading now... Anyway I was reading all your latest posts & trying to catch up when I saw a bunch of you were blogging about this looking fine by 2009 thing. That's when I remembered that Jen over at Daily Mish Mash was hosting this whole weight loss thing & o ya, I signed up. Hmm forgot about that. Actually I didn't forget because even though it may seem I'm not here as often lately I'm just not on here as in my blog. Really I'm on Google reader like 1000 times a day so blogging is always on my mind. So the truth is I didn't forget I signed up. I just didn't know it started right away. Anyway I will tell you about the week 1 I didn't know was week 1. I have talked about my weight struggles on here before. I don't like saying I'm on a diet so I'm on what I call a permanent diet where you try to eat healthy. Yeah not working. I really want to avoid the whole Freshman 15 so I'm willing to do what it takes to avoid that. But so far that hasn't been much. I suck at eating healthy. I love candy & all things sweet so I am guilty of the occasional slip up in the whole eating healthy plan. And by occasional I mean like everyday. Ya. Not good. There are some days I do well. I bought a bunch of slim fast bars to keep in my room and I had a couple days where that was all I ate. But then I went out to frat parties & there was beer juice& margaritas soda (my favorite) & I don't know how but somehow they managed to get consumed... By me. Like I said I don't know how that happened. Also, I go to Wal-Mart a lot. And the 1st freaking aisle is of course the candy aisle. And well, I th0ught it would be just brilliant to buy some chocolate covered raisin's and Dots. Yeah then I ate them. All. There's also the time the other day where I went to Subway.. I know it's healthy good job right? Well, some idiot brilliant entrepreneur decided to combine Subway with a Baskin Robbin's. And so I decided to have a nice bowl of ice cream with my sandwich.

So have I at least been exercising you ask? Well let me tell you my versions of exercise.Well, you see, I don't have a car here at school, so I have to walk everywhere. Even though it's a pretty small campus and you can walk anywhere in under 10 minutes, walking all over to class is a lot of work! And it's still pretty hot out here, so I break a sweat. Does that count?! Also, I live on the 3rd floor of our Sorority House, so I go up and down three flights of stairs several times a day. Sometimes 4 when I go to the basement. That's hard work, too! That's pretty much my daily exercise... is that enough to make up for all those beers and candy ?!? I doubt it. So, I promise to do better this week. Except today I already had a brownie. And some dots, but just a few! So, this week I promise to do better, or at least try. Goals:

• Drink more water
• No more candy, etc. (That doesn't include the aforementioned alcoholic beverages- sorry, it's college!)
• Work out (Besides walking to class and up the stairs!)
• I'll come up with more later! haha

I haven't taken my measurements or anything, yet, but I will. And I will update this post with them and maybe a picture I don't know I don't even like looking in the mirror naked or in a bathing suit, so posting that on the Internet would be my worst fear. I'll think about it...

I'm here!

I'm back as promised! lol And as I told you, I have lots of news! So last week was crazy... from the minute (well almost) I arrived at campus there was something going on. We had ice cream socials, late night bowling, meetings during the day with peer advisers to learn where things are and stuff, so much more, but especially rush events! Rush started officially Thursday night with touring all 4 houses on campus, and just chatting with the girls in the house. Then afterward, you narrow it down to the three houses you like the best, and if they like you as well then you go back to those 3 the next night. So I went to all three of the one's I like. Basically, every night you narrow it down. I was having a hard time deciding which one's I liked the best, but I just had to go with where I clicked. At the Alpha Chi Omega house, I was already friends with one of the girls. She was from Dallas as well, but was a sophomore at my college, and it helped so much meeting her. She talked to me on the last night of rush and poured her heart out to me saying she wants to be my big sis, etc and I was hooked! So, I am now an official Alpha Chi Omega!!! I am loving it! I know I made the right decision without a doubt. I am now in the sorority house, and I go out with the girls at night, hang out with them during the day.. it's all great! The cool thing is my mom was an Alpha Chi Omega, and so was my grandmother, so I'm 3rd generation! It feels good to carry on the tradition! lol My classes are good, there's 1 I'm not so sure about, but I'm hanging in there and hoping it gets better! I've made a lot of friends and I am just having a lot of fun! I decorated my room and stuff this weekend, but I'm not sure I like it!? haha Anyway, I took some pics and will post them once my Internet is fixed. I don't know why, but my Internet hasn't connected all weekend, and it's making me crazy! So, I am here at the computer lab because I just couldn't take it anymore! I am slowly catching up on all your blogs, but I don't think I'll ever be able to catch up all the way! I have only been homesick a couple times. The other day I was just exhausted and therefore I was really emotional. I talk to my mom everyday sometimes twice a day, but for some reason when I got off the phone with her the other day I just started crying. I missed her a lot, and I was just feeling sad and wanted my mom! Luckily, 2 of my sisters were there comfort me and told me it's totally normal to be homesick at 1st! However, Dana helped out too by sending me some homemade goodies! Thanks again, Dana! They were delicious! If anyone else wants to get on that, let me know! I love getting packages! haha So in high school I was on the newspaper staff, and I loved it. So when I signed up for my college classes, they asked if I wanted to write for the paper. So of course I said yes! Well, on Wednesday we met for the 1st time, and planned everything out. And guess what?! I'm going to be the Managing Editor! I'm so excited! I just volunteered, and no one else wanted it, so I got it! Also, my 1st story I just finished today is going to be featured on the front page of the 1st issue! I'm so thrilled!!! So, that's pretty much what I have to report! I hope this week things will calm down, and I'll have a little more time to blog! I miss you, guys! Don't forgot about me if I'm not back every day! haha Until next time...